ACT VII of SD Horror flick
So I did a bit of research yesterday on psychopaths/sociopaths (apparently the two are synonymous) Most of the articles I read said that it can be genetic and also that there is no cure, no drug, and once a person is in their late teens presenting these behaviors, you can expect that this will be their life. Intensive psychotherapy can be beneficial in SOME cases, but there is no proof and obviously it is difficult to get a sociopath to participate because they think there is nothing wrong with them. Of course I was not shocked to see that SD18 possess every single trait of a sociopath.
Self centered and self important, often very charming ✓
Need stimulation and are easily bored ✓
Deceptive behavior and lying ✓
conning and manipulative ✓
Little remorse or guilt ✓
Shallow emotional response ✓
Callous with lack of empathy ✓
living off others/predatory attitude ✓
poor self- control ✓
promiscuous sexual behavior✓
early behavioral problems ✓
lack of realistic long term goals ✓
blaming others for their actions ✓
short term relationships ✓
breaking parole or probation rules ✓
varied criminal activity ✓
SD18 portrays every single mother fucking one of these traits. She also appears to fall into the more dangerous category of narcissistic sociopath. Lovely. The articles I read said this affects between 2%-5% of the population. How the fuck did I get lucky enough to have one in my home? I showed the list to DH and he agreed that it is like a definition of SD in a dictionary.
In Act VII, SD18 called DH yesterday and asked if they could talk. DH said he really didn't want to but whatever. He said they talked for about an hour. He told her that her actions the past few weeks have shown that she is no where near mature enough to go to college, that this nonsense of dragging 42 people into her drama is childish and ridiculous and she needs to stop acting like a 2 year old. He told her she would be better served to put a hold on college and get a job for now. He told her that she is always welcome to VISIT our home, but that he can NOT have her living with us again. He told her that she needed to call Aunt J and apologize for the shitty things she's done and said and that's it's totally up to Aunt J as to how she will proceed and that if Aunt J chooses to write her off then so be it. STOP THE DAMN DRAMA! SD said she wants to go to college, that she can do this (NOT) DH told her that he will not stand in her way, because he doesn't want her to blame HIM down the road for her not being able to go. DH told me he feels this is the best way to handle it, that way when she flunks out of college or quits or whatever the next drama is... it will be HER fault. AND if she's in college, she's 3 states away from us. (which honestly is not even far enough)
Well I guess SD did call Aunt J and apologized and thanked her for all that she has done. I told DH it's just words. She doesn't mean it, it's just words to get her what she wants. He said he knows but again it's up to Aunt J as to what she decides. I haven't talked to Aunt J since yesterday morning, so I'm not sure what she is going to do. I know she was contemplating letting SD sleep in her sun room that can be locked so SD can't get in the house, but she said the thought of SD being back in her home made her skin crawl.
It's funny because I always thought of a sociopath/psychopath as someone like a Jeffrey Dahmer, Ted Bundy, Paul Bernardo etc. And while they ARE sociopaths apparently the greater number of sociopaths are just people like SD. People we work with, friends, family.... basically "the psychopath next door."
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You did your research well.
You did your research well. I've had many discussions with my friends who work in this field about socio/psychopaths. You nailed it.
Me too! I told DH yesterday
Me too! I told DH yesterday that I can't go through that again. I can't have her in my house. A day or two stay here and there at Christmas time or when she wants to visit, I'm OK with. She was actually quite tolerable when she stayed with us a few days here and there over the summer. But there is a HUGE difference between a short visit and moving in. Thankfully he agrees. He agrees honestly because the proof is in the pudding. We went from fighting on a weekly basis, looking for apartments, talking about divorce etc while she was living with us... to never fighting, loving relationship, team parenting BS6 etc, literally the DAY she left.
He totally understands now why I didn't want her living with us before, he totally understands now why I lost my shit about the lying, sneaking, manipulating. He actually apologized for not seeing it sooner and for putting me through all of that.
I truly feel bad for Aunt J... I feel like she's a shitty spot right now.. she either makes the decision to cut SD off (which is what she WANTS to do) and then take the blame for SD not going to college and whatever other failures, drama she has. Or step back in to minimally help SD as she can so that when SD fucks up, she will have no one to blame. I have no clue what she is going to do. I know Uncle J is super pissed and doesn't want anything to do with SD.
That's what I told DH! I
That's what I told DH! I think I saw her for what she was first because I was not emotionally invested. She wasn't mine, so I never had blinders on and had no problem calling her out on her bullshit.. which she HATED! It took DH longer because she's his daughter, there was the guilty daddy factor, and the wanting to be the better parent than BM factor that were all working against him in that he would let SD slide on so many things and instead turn his anger to me.
I am convinced that SD18 knew EXACTLY what she was doing. EXACTLY
Yes I agree. He said he
Yes I agree. He said he KNOWS she is not going to make it through 4 years.. much less one year, but that when she doesn't she won't be able to blame him.
She'll still blame him or
She'll still blame him or someone else. She will Never blame herself or take responsibility for anything bad in her life.
daisy, u are scaring me...
daisy, u are scaring me... kaos has all but three, and that's just cuz he's too young!!! he's not promiscuous, is not on probation/parole, and has not committed a crime - yet.
s#!t.
The "shallow emotional
The "shallow emotional response" really creeped me out for some reason. I specifically remember thinking that SD18 was being strangely calm and collected about moving to live with Aunt J. I mean this was a 16 year old girl, picking up and moving to a different state where she knew no one, where she'd be going to a school 3 times the size of the one she was in, where she would be 10 hours away from all family (except Aunt J) and there was NOTHING. I even asked her the night before she left if she was nervous AT ALL and she was so casual in her response! She was like "no, not really, I have a pretty easy time making friends, so it will be ok" Sorry, but I remember being 16 and I would have been crying and sad and terrified and I don't know what... and she was NOTHING! :O
Add to your list, the
Add to your list, the frequency of the sociopath being diagnosed as bipolar, depressed and suffering from an anxiety disorder. I learned that those are frequently original diagnoses from doctors/clinicians before they dig a bit deeper into the sociopath's mindset and history.
SD-30 is a sociopath. Also, previously diagnosed with the aforementioned illnesses but ... diagnosed by jail psychs, county psychs. (Lots of good folk work within the system. However, just as with attorneys, frequently young, inexperienced doctors and psychologists work with the State. IME)
SD-30 has now dropped off the radar once more. Came to town after almost 3 years, went to jail, had SO pay all fines/fees, raised expectations with her children, sucked everyone dry and now has disappeared again.
Ugh. SD has never been
Ugh. SD has never been diagnosed with depression or anxiety or bipolar (to my knowledge) however, SHE claims to be "depressed" whenever she knows it can get her sympathy and paves her road to getting what she wants.
The list of traits is my
The list of traits is my SASS17 to a "T". I'm just biding my time until he moves out.
Scary huh? At first I gave
Scary huh? At first I gave her "breaking the rules of probation or parole" But nope, then I remember that she was indeed on probation and was sentenced 40 hours of community service which she never did. The probation officer had to send letters threatening to take her back in front of the judge and finally MIL got her to do the last of her hours, literally the week before she moved to live with Aunt J.
I was also going to give her the "varied criminal activity" but then I remembered that she stole from me, stole from MIL, was accused of stealing from her Sonic job and who knows what else she's done. So just because she hasn't been CAUGHT being a criminal, does not mean that she isn't
She makes me sick
The only thing you can do
The only thing you can do with a sociopath is keep your distance.
My friend is a psychologist and she won't even treat sociopaths- if you piss them off they'll destroy you-- she doesn't want to have any in her clinic; too dangerous