That is one rude bitch your BF has for a mother.

As much as when we marry men with children we are not instantly mothers to them, our in laws are not instantly grandparents to new children in their lives. Yes they should try not to let children see them coping with adult issues but they do not have to treat the kids as if they were thier grandkids.

Also it could be that bags were made for guests and she did not see your kids as guests. Did your sd get a bag?

She is a major B. The grandparents in our case all treat the kids the same, yes maybe they have some partiality to their bios but you would never know it when we are all together it is all the same and everyone truly feels loved by the grandparents whether step or bio. Now reality is you lost the good mil lotto and this B is not ever going to change.

Soooo, what you need is your dh's support. Your mil shapes up and fast or y'all stop spending more then occasional time with her. This will only work if your dh gives you support. I would be disgusted if my parents treated my sks like crap and I would be stepping up and addressing it posthaste before hubby ever had to say a word. For the party favors it might have been that they were making those for the nonrelated, I could see that if I was running low on stuff but would prolly try to have one for all of them. The easter incident, that was just her being a B.

I was also thinking maybe the bags were for guests & even though you viewed your kids as guests, maybe she didn't? I think most people would give a bag to every child at the party, except maybe the bday child (BC they get presents over a bag). I think it's weird, but maybe she didn't give any family attending a bag, so she doesn't view family as guests? If that were the only weird thing, I'd say drop it & see what happens in the future. The Easter egg hunt, maybe she does have an age cut off? I would've asked what the age cut off was, but I'm a smarta**, I would've put her on the spot to see if she was being a jerk or she was really strict. Is she really strict? Was she strict with your man growing up? I don't know what to think, it really could be that she has a hang up or it could be you're super sensitive about things being unfair between the kids as is she.

I think I'd ask my man to have a talk with her or if he thought I should chat with MIL. If he talks to her, he can openly ask how she feels & if it is negative, what can be done. If you talk to her, use feeling words & don't accuse, I'd say something like, maybe I'm hormonal right now, but is something going on? I felt like my son was excluded from the Easter egg hunt & I'm a bit hurt that they were excluded from the guest bags. I hope im just being hormonal & insecure, but I need to know if somethings going on what I can do to change it. I understand you were sensitive about SD not being at the dinner, but events will happen when kids are at the other parents house or at grandparents houses, life goes on at other houses too. I want her included in our household when she is with us, & I want my children included in things when they are with other people. Anyway I think that's what I'd do, although I'd definitely prefer my husband to be the one talking, but I would bring it up if I had to (if things weren't changing).

I don't know. I have a 6 year old, for his 6th birthday party we had it at the movie theatre and all watched Star Wars and then had cake, pizza, etc after the movie. The "treat bags" that I sent home with the kids were all Star Wars themed.. it was like a SW pen, a SW notebook, a plastic SW cup to put their Pinata candy in, and some SW stickers. I can't imagine that any 9 or 12 year old would be interested in any of that? And a couple of years ago we had his party at Sweet Frog and I invited his one friend that is his age and also her older brothers (about the same age difference you are talking about)because BS6 used to go to their house for daycare. I did not get treat bags for the older kids, again because I didn't think they would be interested in the same things that a 4 year old would. I DID send them home with Pinata candy and some birthday cupcakes.. but no treat bags.

And I kind of agree with the Easter Egg hunt thing too. Did she give them some candy or Easter Eggs or did she just exclude them all together? I guess she could have included them by having them "help" the little ones.. did she do that?

Is there any chance she doesn't see you as "family" since you aren't married? I've known people that acted that way, the GF or BF, even Fiance's were not considered REAL family. It's pretty ridiculous IMO, but there are people that look at it that way.

She sounds fake and rude, to me.

My FIL is/was the same way. Lucky for me my kids are now teens and could care less they are ignored.
Weird things like at Easter/Christmas he would do a family photo, then ask me and my kids to take one with just him DH and the his grandkids kids.
Christmas he will buy all the kids the same gift than lavish the bio grandkids with lots and lots of extra gifts.
Went on vacation with him and he kept wanting and talking about taking the kids for ice cream (they were 12 and under at the time) when DH asked how he would fit them all in his car he clarified it was ONLY his grandkids not my kids.
Been there, I just ignore it now.
And accept we will never actually BE family.

My bio daughter is going to be 9 in early October and she definitely is still interested in Easter Egg hunts and goody bags. I would be STEAMING mad if my MIL tried to exclude my daughter from an egg hunt while SD6 was participating. Then again, my MIL would never dream of hurting my daughter, or any child.

I agree that many step-grandparents are always going to have more of an affinity for their bio grandkids, but this situation seems to go beyond that. There's a huge difference between loving your bio family and ostracizing children that aren't your bio family. Decent people don't go out of their way to hurt children's feelings, which means your MIL is either rotten or she has no clue that she's doing it.

If she's friendly to you and you have a semblance of a positive relationship then you should discuss your concerns with her. Maybe she forgets that 9 is still pretty young?

MIL should have allowed all kids regardless of age to take part in the Easter egg hunt and provide them with a party bag. What she did Easter was no different than the blogs that posted each year about SKs who are said to be "too old" a wanting to go trick or treating on Halloween.

What harm is there in allow a 9 and 12 year to hunt for eggs with the other kids?

MIL is under no obligation to like the OP's kids. But to have them over and push them to the side is wrong.
I wouldn't waste time trying to figure out why she is doing this or trying to get her to change. I would simply keep my older kids away from her.

This woman is not the type of person that I would want my children around. She is treating them like 2nd class citizens and her behavior is hurtful to your children. Kids know when they are being excluded and it doesn't feel good. I've seen that attitude before and it's sickening to me.
Her GD is the royal princess and your children are mere pheasants she can ignore and she probably takes delight in doing it. No you are not overreacting. Just reading this made ME angry, can't imagine how you must feel.

What a passive-aggressive female dog.