I don't want to raise my step kids
I have a 5 kids and my husband has a set of twins boy and girl just turned 13 on my birthday which I hate now. There mom was killed in a fight two years ago. At the time of her death they were living with their
Grandmother BC their child support was her only source of income. I insisted that they come live with us last year BC they told me they didn't even live together and to be apart of stable and happier situation my husband was reluctant I didn't understand why. Now I do...Im so miserable his daughter is sneaky, disrespectful, and fast.I bought her a tablet and she would send pictures of herself to older boys. She even watch ponography.His son never listen he stole my debit card he is nosey lazy and disrespectful. They. don't even listen to me. The are very mature for their age. It's scary BC I have a daughter there age and she acts nothing like them. There dad pays no attention to them. I just tired and stressed out. I want to send the back. I can't handle this. I have two autistic children. I'm exhausted...
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I understand your heart was
I understand your heart was in the right place. You saw two kids suffering and wanted to help. I know how it feels to want to help and thinking that you can force a man in to growing up and accepting responsibility. But honey, he is an adult and no amount of force will make him want to act like one. I know you were only trying to help but in this case, you did more harm than good.
There's no way grandma should
There's no way grandma should be stuck raising her grandkids unless both parents are dead, in jail, sick or physically unable to do so.
Dumping his kids on grandma while raising 5 other kids is crazy.
Both parents involved have to do what is best for their own bios. For the OP, that may mean walking away from this relationship for the sake of her children.
Why does their father pay no
Why does their father pay no attention to them? Did he have visitation before the mother passed? If the skids lived with grandma, even before mom passed, why did you all feel the need to uproot them when the mom passed? Do the skids even WANT to be with you guys, especially if dad pays no attention to them?
What is up with your DH??
Yeah, but the skids are 13..
Yeah, but the skids are 13.. if dad hasn't stepped up by now, I suspect he's not going to at all. Yes, no grandparent should have to raise kids if parents are perfectly capable, but regardless, the grandmother HAD been raising these kids... so why uproot them? Especially if dad doesn't care? I want to know if dad had visitation and how much if any involvement he had with them prior to this living arrangement.
At what point will grandma
At what point will grandma get to be kid free? She raised her kids. She was willing to help her daughter. After her daughter died, she was still willing to keep them. Had the OP not got involved, the kids would still be with her. Grandma's home should not be turned into Grand Central based on the feelings/desires of her ex son in laws new wife.
Grandma nor the OP should be stuck with those kids.
Perhaps your DH could find
Perhaps your DH could find some kind of before/after school care for his children while he is out of the house. Maybe he can give grandma some of their social security checks to keep them every other weekend if she is able to keep them that much and wants to help y'all out. Honestly this is a "reap what you sow" situation. You wanted all the kids and now that you have them you see why the dad wanted to let things be; O'well. Can't change the past. I think you should convince him to either hire a nanny to help with the kids or pay to send some of them to daycare so that you can focus on the ones that really need your attention. I fully heartedly disagree with sending the kids back to grandma's house permanently. It is not her job to raise HIS children as she isn't the one who birthed them. It is unfortunate their mother is no longer there for them but that is no excuse for Dad to reproduce over and over again and never PARENT (not just father) his children. Perhaps you should also suggest he get a vasectomy.
You insisted over the
You insisted over the reluctance of your dh for them to come to your house. I get that you now regret it but you put your nose in this situation OVER the misgivings of the parent and uprooted the kids from one situation to the next and now just want to throw them back and this seems wrong. Everyone is dogging your dh but he KNEW it was not a good situation, whether that was due to their conduct or that he just knew he didn't have it in him to have them there but you insisted. The whole situation is kinda sad but does serve as a good cautionary tale to me personally (as I have been tempted to do similar) why it is sometimes better to leave well enough alone and follow the parent's lead even if we do have the best of intentions.