I don't know about the meds; I was never on them. I probably wouldn't b/c my own mother was hooked on those things. I think you need a different "counselor." It never ceases to amaze me how profoundly "nutty" many of these psychotherapists/counselors are.

The meds should help you find a more even keel. *Hugs* Men can be stupid sometimes, but I do think he was trying to make you feel better by telling you the kittens had been killed ahead of time and not suffered. I don't believe you will ever accept this as ok, and there's nothing wrong with your feelings. Many others feel as you do. But do listen to the counselor that it doesn't indicate a personality disorder.

I know it sucks, and come here as often as you want to vent. You want your husband home comforting you because that is what you truly need from him. And he is trying to be there for you - you said yourself he put a lot of effort into having fun with you on your dates. But he's feeling torn just as you are. His kids may very well have been frightened by your outburst. And the sucky part of the ages of the kids is that they could refuse to see him if he won't see them away from you. He's trying to be everything to everyone and is, naturally, failing because it's impossible. Give yourself some time to heal, for the meds to work, and see how it goes. You can rise up from this.

How do you feel about the counselor? You won't agree with everything every counselor says, so look at how she reacted to you and DH. Was she supportive of you explaining yourself? Did she seem to favor one of you above the other? Given that this is a first appointment - give it a little time. Your post seems to indicate that you didn't get much feedback since it was mostly a get-to-know-you type situation. Please take it one step at a time until you feel like you can breathe again.

I'm sorry Ram, I feel horrible that you have to share custody of a newborn. She's too young for that I would think and I'm afraid your depression will only get worse over it. Couldn't you have full custody of her until she's a little older. I'm not saying that the dad doesn't deserve to be a part of her life as well but tiny babies typically stay with their moms. He can't breastfeed obviously what happens with that?

It's no wonder your stepson didn't have a problem feeding the kittens to the snake with a mother who is willing to gas them for him first. He learned it from her. I've asked several people who own snakes if feeding kittens was a "thing" and everyone said, "WTF NO." They didn't even know it was a thing.

It takes about a month, for a different type of antidepressant to work. If you're upping a dose of something or switching to a different SSRI, it'll take about 2-3 weeks, as it's already in your system just building. If you're just starting an antidepressant, again about a month. PPD can be hard to treat, depression in general, but whatever med may have worked before pregnancy may not work this time, & so on, so please give it time & be gentle on yourself. I wouldn't advise any more major life changes. I'd give that counselor 1 more shot, but if you still don't feel great about it find someone else. You'll be hard pressed to find someone that agrees with you 100% of the time. You need to be comfortable with the way the disagreance is being doled out to you. It'll be his turn too, believe me. The counselor basically said she doesn't have enough info to form an opinion & she likely won't form an opinion without meeting the kid, so I wouldn't hop too much on that. I'm a bit confused on what's so profound? Just take it easy. Try not to think too much. When you notice a negative thinking pattern, anything negative, take a break from it, watch tv, try to think something positive, anything to get your head out of that. & I agree with the comment on looking for a personal counselor. It'll help you, even to vent & get feedback from a neutral source. Please take care. Remember this is just a rough patch & this will pass!

TAKE THE MEDS. I let my ppd go for a while until I started feeling like I was really losing it.

I'm going to go against the grain and say that your DH was right. He needs to stay in a separate place while he raises his children and while you and your doctor work around with the issues causing you depression and anxiety. I don't think it is all you that is wrong in this situation but I do think that now is not the time to put you all in one barrel to combust. You need help-you are getting it; you have worked out a temporary custody agreement-it's working even though your child is young; you still have a problem with the kittens being killed but you've been diagnosed with PPD. Do you think maybe you might have overreacted because you are a newly mother and your body's hormones haven't leveled yet? I think it is a big possibility and you need time to let them stabilize. I, too, think it is horrific that he fed the kittens to the snakes BUT as many posters have pointed out many times to you already, those snakes are his babies, his pets, his cute things that need to be fed. Can you tell me this-how often have you gone to feed your kitten some dry food and think "nope, how about you get a treat today" so you give it chicken or canned food. That is the mentality that boy had when he fed the kittens to the snacks. You not being able to accept this isn't your DH's fault or the skid's but your own. You are the one that has the problem with it and is letting it destroy your family. You need to work no you and stop worrying about how the now ex-skid is feeding his pets.

I've never taken meds, but DH has when he was going through his divorce. He said that the meds would get him through the days so that he could take care of the skids. It basically numbed his emotions, so he could get done what he needed to. He took the meds while going to see a therapist. I'm not sure how long he stayed on the meds, but I'm sure it wasn't longer than 12 months.

It sounds like your DH is making good faith efforts and is really trying with you. He is also keeping the other kids away from DD, which he rightfully should given the mistreatment of a baby. He's in a tough spot because he is also trying to maintain a relationship with his other children (whether his kid is f***ed up or not). But, I think your main focus is to get yourself better. I went through a hell of a lot of emotions when I gave birth too, but not as severe yours. In fact, only 2 days after DS was born, I was in the hospital bathroom crying hysterically for more than an hour because I felt like I had to leave DH, but I was stuck in the relationship because I couldn't take care of DS on my own and I couldn't leave DS in his household. The intense feelings of wanting to leave DH subsided, but the feeling that SS could be threatening is still present. My DH knows my concerns and has suggested things to alleviate my concerns, but ultimately, if there is a day that I feel that I can't live with SS and feel safe, DH knows that we will be in separate households while he deals with raising SS on his own. Unfortunately, this might happen. But fortunately, after my post-partum roller coaster (I was never diagnosed with PPD), I can think rationally about the situation that I'm in. It is still stressful, but not nearly as daunting as it previously felt.

I'm hoping the best for you.

I think your husband has to do what he has to do to be able to have a relationship with all his kids. The fact that you are still fixated on the kittens/snake thing (who met the same fate likely as the ones you delivered to the pound only the sks went on to be part of the food chain not just thrown in inceinerator) you are not well enough yet to fix things. Keep taking your meds and keep attending therapy. Your dh sounds like a really great guy who is trying so hard to do the best for all involved (it is not every guy who would take on a newborn by himself) and still date his wife even after she went off on his kid. Please just get better and consider trying to heal this situation too.

I personally took antidepressants for post partem and they made things worse. I went a bit nutso with those things. I think they can really mess with your mind and the reality of your situation. Especially when your body is adjusting to hormones. That is just my very humble opinion given my experience with ppd and antidepressants.

I would maybe suggest going to a divorce group where most people will be newly separated and going through the process, working out, and def going back to work.

The kitten thing was a terrible awful thing for the skid to do, but the fact is that it's done and your dh has to deal with this kid. I think you need to work on you, not only for yourself but for your child.