Privacy of home and bio kids on SKid electronics.
How do you handle content on skid electronics that go back and forth between homes? SD9 brought over an IPad and wanted to take pictures/videos of BS8mo to keep on her device. She wanted to show BM. This made me uncomfortable and luckily DH didn't like the idea either. He downloaded everything to his computer and removed it from her device. She was mad, but DH said it was our decision and too bad.
Since everything is linked to BMs account on this device we told SD that anything with BS on it will always be removed before returning to BMs as we dont want pictures ending up on who knows where on Internet, etc.
How else do you enforce these types of privacy boundaries?
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Skids leave all electronics
Skids leave all electronics at BMs (other than cell phones we pay for and monitor). This stops any abuse as well as the constant asking of adding passwords such as Netflix on devices that don't belong to us.
Our 7 year old who alternates
Our 7 year old who alternates between homes every-other week has an ipad and all that crap at his mother's house and he has to leave it there. Sometimes he will look at my laptop or phone or whatever and say "my mommy lets me use her laptop" or "my mommy lets me do apps on her phone" - to which I will reply that his mommy can do that but in this house the children don't use my laptop or phone.
I agree with keeping
I agree with keeping electronics at whatever house they come from. There's also no issue if something gets damaged.
aw man, again??? ya'll are
aw man, again??? ya'll are actually making me tear up, it hurts my heart.
I get (and agree) with the
I get (and agree) with the OP's line of thinking especially in regards to having her child's pictures posted online.
I just think it's sad that BMs are allowed the same level of respect when it comes to a SM posting pictures of their SKs.
If the kid is allowed to take pictures of the baby,how does dad know she didn't send any to mom before he has had a chance to delete them? Wouldn't it be easier to just say she can't have the phone during visits?
IF the kid wants a picture of
IF the kid wants a picture of her sibling, why can't OP go old school and print out a photo or two??
I am not one of those who is uber concerned about pictures anyway, and I don't believe that the BMs of the world are scheming to get pics of the XH's new kid. When Asshat had more kids, I couldn't have cared less and I certainly didn't sit around wringing my hands all day thinking of ways to get pictures of those kids, so I really don't believe that BMs engage in this kind of behavior. But, that's me.
However, if it's something that a mom doesn't want to get out there, then who are we to judge it??
I guess the simplest way to handle it is to do what you said, Disney, and just have a no phone zone...
You said something I was
You said something I was thinking. I understand the concerns of OP if bm is really sketchy about bm having a pic of the kid but also could genuinely see the sd being excited about the new baby and wanting to show off a pic of her to those people that are important in her life (such as bm, relatives on that side and sd's friends). Maybe an old fashioned pic so sd could do that would work and she could put that in her room and have it to show off her new sibling.
I totally get not wanting
I totally get not wanting pics of your baby to end up who knows where, like Facebook or wherever else. I don't blame you at all for it & if your SD is allowed to use Facebook, she may post it there herself, so I totally get no digitals for SD. Like the other commenter, I was thinking you should snap a regular pic of the baby to give to SD (if you don't have a camera get a cheap Polaroid or disposable). If you flat out don't want a pic of your baby anywhere near BM, take a regular pic of baby & frame it for SDs bedroom in your house, she can keep it there.
The way some SMs & BMs get along, I don't blame anyone for not wanting personal info or personal things ending up in the others house. You never know what someone will decide to do as payback. I wouldn't want anything that could be used as ammunition, although anyone that knows my story knows why I don't want the BM of my SD to know one more thing about me or my life.
I agree - not allowing a
I agree - not allowing a digital photo of baby. Our BM has involved my bios in devious ways so I could see the OPs point. That is the EXACT reason we do not allow electronics to go back and forth. I would get a photo of baby printed and framed for her room at YOUR house. If she truly wants a pic of baby why does it have to go to BMs. It would be the same as having family photos of vacations and such at BMs. They don't belong there as it isn't BMs family.
The underlining tone of this post is that OP is worried about BM getting a photo. I take that as there is a valid reason that often times cannot be conveyed into one post. So why take the position that OP will cause an issue of attachment. From a photo...seems a bit far fetched.
To answer your question, we
To answer your question, we don't allow electronics to move between the houses.
I wouldn't let SD9 take a
I wouldn't let SD9 take a picture of my bios to BM's house. SD12 snuck a cell phone to our house one year over Christmas. She took pics of my DD4 without my permission. When BM was pissed at DH, she started texting the pics to us from her cell phone with all these cryptic messages. My DH threatened to call the police and that was how it stopped.
We don't allow anything to pass from BM's infected sty into our home. If you remember though, our BM was the one who lost her house because it was so filthy and disgusting that it had to be condemned.
We don't allow electronics
We don't allow electronics that we don't control to come into our house at all.
In our case, it's not about a baby, but about our BM's infinite need to know what is happening in our home so that she can use it against us in whatever way possible. She grills the kids and then contorts what they say into her own reality, so we have found that it's best not to allow any electronic access to it. It's a horrible way to live, but it's our reality.
I actually have the exact
I actually have the exact same issue right now. SD8 has an iPod that she brings to our house lately. I gave birth to DD0 9 days ago. We also have DD3. SD has taken pictures of both of her sisters with her iPod and it makes me very uncomfortable because I don't know where they will end up or what BM will do with them.
I told my husband she is not allowed to take pictures of our daughters anymore. He said he would make sure she doesn't. However, he's a complete idiot. When SD was here last weekend, he took a picture of the three girls together with his phone. I heard SD say, "Remember to send it to me Daddy." It turns out that he's been sending pictures to her iPod that he's taken with his phone. For some reason he doesn't get that it's exactly the same as her taking the pictures herself.
BM has involved DD3 in some of her vindictive legal crap in the past so there's no way I want her to have access to anything that has to do with my little girls.
FruitSalad's views resonate
FruitSalad's views resonate with me.
I'm not a fan of electronics going back and forth, with an intrusive and vindictive BM.
When we lived in the same town as BM, SK, then 7, brought over her iPad mini and her iPhone. Her iPhone is like an appendage she can't live without. She has to be at BM's beckon call - even during DH's visitation. BM asks, daily, what SK is doing, what DH and I are doing, if she has any pictures to share.
Because of electronics in the hand of a minor, it's an uphill battle to keep our lives separate and for the most part private. DH goes through SK's phone before she leaves and deletes photos he deems necessary. Basically, all photos of him and/or me and excess photos of our bios.
Thank you everyone for the
Thank you everyone for the responses. I think this appears to be a commom issue and DH and I want to lay the foundation of our boundaries now because it's inevitable that SD will get more access to devices as she gets older. Although we disagree with her having this in the first place, if we do allow it, we will just do what we did and clear out the pics we dont want BM to have access to. As far as I know it looked like her Ipad could only access wifi with a password she said her SF has. So I dont think she could "send" anything. And we didn't see any messenger apps on it. I did allow her to take a printed pic of her holding BS when he was first born so she does have that one picture over there.