I'm not either of those ladies, but I do have a resource for you. "Why does he do that" by Lundy Bancroft. It's a wealth of information.

The most dangerous time for an abused woman is during and the months following leaving her abuser. If you can make a plan, an escape plan and start getting ready to leave. If that's not an option, call a domestic violence hotline and they'll be able to give you shelters in your general area.

I literally grabbed my kids, packed my car, and disappeared in the middle of the night in order to escape my abuser. If I had stayed, I have no doubt I would have been killed by my husband. I started over in a completely new place and my kids and I are thriving. The services provided for abused women are amazing but it can be overwhelming trying to figure out what to do and where to go. If you need any help, please let me know. Getting the courage to call the police after years of physical, emotional, legal, financial, sexual, and even spiritual abuse was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I used to wonder if I had done the right thing because I had been essentially brainwashed to believe that I could never be happy without him and that I deserved to be beaten, raped, and belittled. I got through it and I don't regret it for even one second.

Dupe

When I was in a bad relationship a long time ago, I did explore what might be out there but unfortunately for me, the amount of "help" really wasn't helpful.

I went to the YMCA and their counselor didn't really have much to tell me except for be "safe" call the authorities etc...

I couldn't "leave" my abuser because it was MY house. If I had left, I would have lost "everything". The guy was in construction with access to tools and threatened on more than one occasion to bulldoze my house.

Eventually he got tired of me no longer handing him money and found a new mark. He basically moved of his on volition at that point. But, he did come back to try to take/steal some of my things and got very threatening towards me and tried to choke me. So, I DID call the police. When they got there, he tried to act all sweet and showed them a piece of mail with his name on it at my address. They told me that meant I had to evict him, even though I explained he had moved out of the house a month before of his own choice and was never a "tenant" of mine anyway.

I guess they did see through his fake charm though (the fact that his DL was suspended and he had driven there probably gave them some indication that all was not as he wanted it to seem). So, they told him that if they came back and there was so much as a scratch on me, that HE was going to jail.... even if I did it to myself.lol.

They also noted the license problem but told him to basically go anyway.

Not too long after that, the new girlfriend called me to get the real scoop on the guy because she was afraid he was going to hurt her child and that he had fits of rage. As much as I didn't want to get involved because I was afraid of the repercussions, I couldn't in good conscience not tell her what had happened to me. I mean, there was a kid involved.

Bottom line, if you are the breadwinning, home owning woman it is really hard to ditch the abuser unless they choose to leave on their own.