BM text DH yesterday
She is so.... weird.
"I need to talk to you TODAY"
- OK
"Please hear me when I tell you this HAS to happen today, when can I call you?".
-7
at 645 she sent this "Give me a few"
at 9 she sent "I am sorry I didn't call, please don't be mad at me"....
NOBODY CARES BM!!! GO AWAY.
But serious, what the hell was that all about??
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Control
Control
I dunno. She knows she has no
I dunno. She knows she has no control anymore. DH wasn't waiting on pins and needles for her to call. He doesn't care. She is well aware that she has NO control.
so, she texted him to tell
so, she texted him to tell him they need to talk, and then made more bullshit excuses about why she didn't call???
Fidiot!!
Yeah. She's super special.
Yeah. She's super special.
Maybe she thought she was
Maybe she thought she was sending messages to her dealer.
my thought as well. even if
my thought as well.
even if it was intentionally to dh, her brain has already been altered so there's really no making any sense of it.
She was probably out of drugs
She was probably out of drugs and thought about turning her life around so she needed to speak with your DH.
Then somehow she got the drugs and then decided "F it" I'm going to do drugs instead and now I don't need to talk to him.
LOL... I really don't know... that can be just one theory.
She's a drug addict and they are often dramatic and unreliable.
My first thought was that she
My first thought was that she was heading off to rehab and wanted to tell him before she left. Then... I laughed at myself for thinking she would do something that would put her in the right direction. What was I thinking??
Silly girl.
Silly girl.
My thought would be she text
My thought would be she text your DH while coming down and wanted to talk. Unfortunately by the time 7pm came she was high again.
My money is on she was able
My money is on she was able to get drugs during the interval between the first text and 7pm.
I am sure you guys are right.
I am sure you guys are right. She attempted to talk to SS yesterday during the day and he ignored her... again. I am sure that sets her off and makes her want to get clean for a minute.
Babybugged- I am not at all
Babybugged- I am not at all shocked. Not even a little. Sometimes I fool myself in to thinking she will actually go get the help she needs. Wishful thinking, I suppose. She hasn't always been like this. I know SOBER BM. And THAT BM loved SS. This one loves herself.
I certainly do NOT get pleasure out of him ignoring her. I do get pleasure out of him protecting himself. I have sat back for YEARS and watched him be manipulated and used by her. I have seen the disappointment in his eyes when she makes empty promises to him and he figures out that it will never really happen. We don't interfere, we allow him to handle his relationship with her as he chooses when it comes to calls and texts. Until she abuses that too. I am proud of him for understanding that she is not the mom that she once was, and could be. He is waiting for her to clean up just like we are. He just isn't real sure what it is that is wrong with her. He just wants his MOM back. I get that.
I have little compassion for her. We have given her more chances than she deserves. We have offered help, rehab, helped encourage her dad to let her live with him. She refused all of it. When I get too compassionate, I become an enabler. I can't do that anymore. It didn't help. Made things worse. I have to draw the line in the sand somewhere.
I can see where you would think those things though. I understand where you are coming from. Please don't mistake my wanting to protect SS more than I want to help BM as satisfaction in her failure. My compassion for her "illness" has put SS in some bad situations... such as the motel on the wrong side of town. Had we said NO you can't pick him up until you are CLEAN, back then, he never would have ended up there. My stomach hurts thinking about what COULD have happened that day. It is literally a place you would see on Breaking Bad, or any cop show. And she had him there, waiting in the car, while she was inside the room... doing, only God knows what. So... my compassion has worn thin.
She has CHOSEN her drugs, over her child that she loves that is cutting her out of his life. That is difficult for me to understand.
If you have followed me, then
If you have followed me, then you know how hard I have tried with her for YEARS. I have hosted dinners in my home so she can see him, I have accommodated her in so many ways, I have helped her clean her filthy nasty house instead of keeping SS from going over there. I have taken her to Dr's appts. There has to be a line somewhere. She is beyond any kind of "compassion" that you are suggesting. We have tried everything.
I don't believe us telling SS that she has a drug problem is the answer. We tell him that she is not in a good place right now, and he is old enough to figure the rest out. I have encouraged HER to be honest with him about her addiction. We don't discourage him from interacting with her. He was responding occasionally up until this past week. He is just done. Those are his feelings. I won't encourage or DIScourage anything. That is his relationship with her. He is in charge. Not her, not us... HIM. We have told him as much as he needs to know from us. The rest is up to her.
I will NOT tell her that I miss her and love her. Because I don't. I love SS, and I miss him having her in his life. Addicts are manipulative. If I let her in, she won't go away. It's like feeding a stray cat.
ETA: We didn't take him to a motel. We allowed her to pick him up from school with the pretense that she was taking him for ice cream and bringing him home. SHE took him to the motel.
I'm not offended. At all, I
I'm not offended. At all, I get that no one sees what I have done to try to help this woman. And I don't expect anyone to completely understand where I am coming from. I do have satisfaction in knowing that we have raised SS to be a smart young man and that he is finally starting to protect his own heart. He has to learn at some point.
I appreciate input of all kinds. I wouldn't come here if I didn't want and appreciate it. This time, I have to say... no. No satisfaction in her suffering. Just waiting for her to hit her version of rock bottom so SS can have his mom back. Until then, I just do what needs to be done. Because I love him.
Again, I get where you are
Again, I get where you are coming from. But if you have walked the MANY miles in our shoes with BM, you would know that we have tried, we have encouraged, we have had compassion and empathy... but there comes a time when you just have to let go and let her lose it all... including her son. She will never stop if she is still able to have a relationship with him and maintain her dangerous lifestyle.
It is sad. Sad for SS.
I don't know,
I don't know, babybugged.
Medusa hasn't laid eyes on her kids in over 4 years. As a mother, am I supposed to feel bad for her?
NOPE!!!!!
OP takes no pleasure in any of this - she has said many times that her heart breaks for her SS.
Thank you Lady. I love that
Thank you Lady.
I love that boy. He's just amazing.
DH and I were laying in bed last night talking about our kids. I just can't comprehend putting ANYTHING before them. They are simply, amazing. All of them.
If I were him, I'd ignore her
If I were him, I'd ignore her until she's clean. Go to court, so it's legal. She isn't in her right mind. I also vote for coming down, then got high & said ef it. I'm sure she has something to say, but will she remember it. It also could be she wants to go to rehab, but had to get high one of the last times before she checks herself in.
As a side note, I may be in the skids BM has a drug problem club. I'm quite positive SDs BM is on drugs & by the looks of her has been a little while. I hadn't seen her in a long time & yeah, wow. This is so not good, it has me a nervous wreck. eTA: As I'm sure you can relate, I don't need another addict stirring up bs in my life. It's too much stress.
BM's mom text me yesterday
BM's mom text me yesterday and said she saw BM for the first time in a long time the other day, and she didn't even recognize her. Her own daughter.
I confronted BM a few weeks ago about how long this has been going on. She said that the first time I asked her about it (maybe 2 years ago) she was already in deep. So... yeah. trust your gut.
You know it's bad if
You know it's bad if someone's mother doesn't recognize them. I can tell just by looking at BM; improperly responsive pupils, way too much weight lost way too fast, that overall unclean sad look they get, unkempt may be a better word for it, the sunken face & eyes, etc. If I had to guess what, I'd say meth (& probably pills to come down). Other than saying something to my DH, I don't know there's anything to do about it. Just wait to see if she gets herself together before trouble hits (unlikely) or wait until the bs starts. I really hope I'm wrong. Maybe it's a terrible disease? Of course her DH looks the same, so he'd have to have it.