Update on "I'm going to rehab"...
You all knew she wouldn't. But just to be clear, BM has NOT gone to rehab. She has, instead, disappeared. I haven't heard from her since that long "come to Jesus" conversation where she spent nearly 2 hours confessing all of her sins and promising to get clean.
She has text SS three times since then. And tried to call him once. First text was last Monday "I just want you to know that I am ok, I'm going to talk to your dad this week. Everything is going to be ok". He responded. "OK". Then a few days later "hey dude". He never responded. Then yesterday "is your phone working? I have been trying to get a hold of you". Along with 1 missed called. SS has stopped responding to her at all. And she never attempted to get a hold of DH. WE have no idea where she lives, who she lives with, if she has a car (which her stepmom told me, now has to be started with a screwdriver) she isn't working I know that for sure.
She is MIA. And that's ok.
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Probably the best thing for
Probably the best thing for everyone, especially your SS. Hopefully she stays that way!
Until she gets clean, it's
Until she gets clean, it's probably best she cuts out a bit…as confusing & unfair that is to all involved. When a person has a drug problem, drugs come first, like way ahead of anything else. That's not healthy for a kid to be around. & you can't really be in a relationship with an addict, because their number one priority is the drug. Hopefully she gets herself right, sooner than later, but there's nothing anyone can do to change her. That kind of change has to come from within. Better she really hits bottom first, whatever that is for her, before money's wasted on rehab.
Yeah, I'm not real sure what
Yeah, I'm not real sure what her rock bottom will be. Hopefully she hits it before it's too late and we are told she is dead in a motel room somewhere. I told her that is a fear we have.
oh, make no mistake. that
oh, make no mistake. that phone call is coming.
when, wob? i've been waiting
when, wob? i've been waiting for that for 3 years...
ETA - i dont wish her dead, however, i wish she either picked herself up to be a decent mother again, or just lost contact.
I'm certain it is. Although
I'm certain it is. Although when I told her that it was something we fear... she initially apologized and said she is sorry that is anything we ever even have to think about. Then the next day she told me that I am over reacting and she would never put herself in that situation.... I reminded her that we have caught her in disgusting trashy motels WITH SS in the recent past, and if she is willing to do that with him sitting in the car outside, then we have NO IDEA what she does when she doesn't have him. The possibility is real.
It's different for everyone,
It's different for everyone, rock bottom. It usually involves anyone that enables her being completely done with her bs & something else bad occurring. Maybe the friends she parties with get sick of her. Being in serious trouble with the law may create a change that'll be at least temporary. A serious health complication sometimes does it. Or it could be as simple as waking up one day & saying to herself, what am I doing with my life. It depends what she's on & what she's trying to hide from that she's using, some addicts can put up with some stuff that's have sober people running for the hills, they just get high again to numb it. When the money runs out & the laws really up her butt, she'll have no choice, but that doesn't go along with long term change, it's temporary change for most. Sorry you're dealing with this:(. I really think al-anon may be able to offer some support & help, it's just finding a good group near you, it'll at least give you a place to vent even if you go alone. Sorry you're dealing with this:(.
Honestly I would have thought
Honestly I would have thought it would be when I told her she couldn't see SS at all until she cleans up. She has made her choice there. That's when she disappeared.
I truly cannot relate. I have never so much as smoked a cigarette, the power of addiction is foreign to me.
As gone as she is, she's
As gone as she is, she's probably thinking it's better for him not to be around her right now. I think most addicts have to have a lot of self hate to do that to themselves.
wouldnt have expected
wouldnt have expected anything else. *sighs*
Yeah, I know. It isn't
Yeah, I know. It isn't surprising for us either. Neither are her 2 and 3 am facebook rants, and facebook fights with whoever it is she is passive aggressively ranting at. **EYEROLL**
Would it be in his best
Would it be in his best interest to block his mother altogether?
It's a strong possibility.
It's a strong possibility. She's already blocked from his one and only social media account. We can see his texts with her, we just can't monitor the phone calls if we are at work. That is the one thing that bothers us. Something we need to consider more and more now. I just don't know how he will react to that. He has been adjusting really well to all of this, I don't really want to find out what the "straw to break the camels back" will be.
poor kid.
It's nuts that she cant
It's nuts that she cant maintain living conditions for herself or for her son's visits but shes paying that phone bill and has enough wifi to be on social media at odd hours of the morning.
She doesn't pay a phone bill.
She doesn't pay a phone bill. She has a free phone. Commonly referred to as the "Obama Phone". I know she used to drive up to the laundry mat to use their free wifi, or McDonalds parking lot. Where ever she can find a signal she will camp out in her car. She was having a FB fight with someone, but whoever it was wasn't responding to her. It was kind of funny.
I can answer this. You need a
I can answer this. You need a phone to call the dealer, they only answer known numbers. So even if the phone weren't free, she'd find a way if it involves the acquisition of whatever drug. It's why they try to hold onto their car over a house, they need the car to pick stuff up. You have no idea what they go through for the substance, everything revolves around it, if only they'd stop & put that energy into something else, like solving global warming or in this BMs case her child.
OMG that makes so much sense
OMG that makes so much sense about the car. I wondered why she opted to live in her car. Now I know.
I dated an addict, a heroin
I dated an addict, a heroin addict (he wasn't when I met him & I was ignorant to it for years), so I'm not new to their behavior. It really is amazing how every decision they make involves the drug. Drugs come first, but if they have the extra money for the dollar menu they'll use it. Staying fed helps keep some drugs down. So the dollar menu & free wifi are the why to McDonald's! I'm telling you if all the addicts could get their lives together & get an education, then put all that effort they used for drugs towards something productive, the worlds problems would probably be solved. It's so sad.
I agree with you. DH sees it
I agree with you. DH sees it as a waste of time right now since she isn't even bothering to try to see him.
How would we even serve her? Have NO idea where she lives. We do have a phone number but I doubt she would agree to see anyone at this point. She would have to clean herself up for a few minutes.
I'm not sure if I mentioned that she admitted to dodging CPS last year. She flat out told me she was avoiding her house until she knew the drugs were out of her system so she could pee clean. She also said that they even showed up at her work and she darted out the back door to avoid them. She got fired for that one.
you would file for alternate
you would file for alternate service - which would be posting on the last known address, or in a newspaper or even with her parents...you would ask the judge for permission, and then it would be done.
I know it doesn't seem necessary to your husband now, but if/when she gets her act cleaned up, there will be NO RECORD of her behavior with the court. No changes to the parenting plan.
I just don't want you guys to hear "well, if it was so bad, why didn't you seek a change in custody?"
I hear it all the time in court.
Cocktail is right. Do it the right way. with clean hands.
YES. every word of this.
YES. every word of this.