Estranged stepson
I am new to this website and would like some advice about emotionally dealing with the estrangement of my stepson and the lack of support from the rest of my family. My husband and I married when our 3 children were young; my stepson, my biological son and daughter. I thought, even though we had plenty of struggles, that we were a close family that, through it all, loved each other and could depend on each other. My stepson is 41 now. About 3 years ago he decided that he did not want to have a relationship with me any more, because I confronted him about his attitude and actions on a family issue. He said he never liked me, in fact hated me, and proceeded to call his father, his stepsister and husband and stepbrother and wife trying to turn them against me. I was completely in shock. It has been 3 years and he still won't acknowledge my existence. He calls and visits the rest of the family, sending gifts at birthdays and holidays, but not to me. I think what hurts even more then his rejection is the fact that the rest of the family continues to have a relationship with him and don't want to get involved. I feel so alienated from my own family I don't know what to do. All I ever did was love and care for them. I believe I was a decent mother and wife, and now I'm questioning why I even tried to be. The rest of the family tells me when he calls and what he is doing and I'm beginning to wonder if they even care how much it hurts me. At first I wanted my husband to continue to have a relationship with his son, but now I wonder why my husband never stood up for me and didn't tell his son that his behavior would not be tolerated by him. Two years ago my other son died unexpectedly. When my stepson came to the funeral he didn't acknowledge me at all. He talked and hugged everyone else in the family but ignored me completely. How is it possible for another human being to do this to a grieving mother? I know I need to get over this and move on and let it go. I need to forgive him, for myself, but not forget what he has done. Any advice on how to deal with all this?
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Comments
First of all, I am sincerely
First of all, I am sincerely sorry about the death of your son. My heart goes out to you. No parent should ever have to go through that. Also, regardless of your stepson's feelings towards you, it was extremely callous and just poor bad manners on his part not to acknowledge you and offer condolences at the funeral.
I agree with Camper, more information would certainly be helpful when attempting to give an opinion. What did you say to him that resulted in the falling out? Did your other family members agree with you about his behavior or attitude that you confronted him about?
Christmas has always been a
Christmas has always been a special time for our family. Once a year we would all go to one house and pile in - sleeping on air mattresses, staying up late, playing games, etc. It has always been a fun family bonding time. it was at our house that year. My husband and I found out that my stepson changed the plans without even telling us. He rented a house 10 minutes from us for everyone to stay at. As we didn't know what was going on, and we were having the Christmas dinner, we called him to find out. He told us our house was small and stuffy and that he and his boyfriend didn't want to stay there. We ask him why he hadn't called us to discuss how he felt, so we could make plans. He lashed out and told us it was our responsibility as the hosts of the Christmas gathering to put everyone up in hotels but since we didn't do that he had to do it and pay for it. (His boyfriend, and now husband, is very wealthy and smug about people with less money than him). I admit he hurt our feelings, and I responded in anger telling him how he hurt our feelings and that his dad deserved more respect from him. The whole incident seems silly now - and I have apologized to him for telling him how I felt. But he will not accept my apology. I also do not want to be a victim, and I do not want him to be hurt like he has hurt me as a few of u suggested. He has known hurt - his mother left him when he was 2 and he struggled with the pain of not understanding why he didn't live with his mother. I would never wish pain upon my children and as a mother I resent that comment from Sueu2. I joined this website because u all seemed to have gone through similar pain. I just wanted some ideas from people who had been through similar situations to help me get through this and I thank the people who did give me suggestions.