Depressed or Spoiled Brat?
or both??
SO, SO's mom, SS are always talking about how depressed SD20 is. "She is having trouble." Ok, I'm sure that sucks for her. She's seeing a counselor, good for her. But, it got me thinking about depression and the source-- specifically for overindulged children with guilty dads.
How does therapy get you to realize that getting everything you wanted since birth, then realizing you can't just be a shit to people and dad will still pay for everything? Will therapy actually address any of that? Or will the counselor validate everything for her saying how she is still struggling from the grief of her parent's divorce and how none of this is her fault. Its her parents. I used to be a huge proponent of therapy. However, therapists don't always get the full picture from a kid who did have messed up parents, but still expects to get what she wants, while being lazy and having no goals. SD20 is going through life with unrealistic expectations. In her mind, she's smarter than everyone else, so she doesn't need school. She should just have an easy job and a good paycheck. She should be able to just smoke weed all the time and that's ok. She's depressed because that's not reality. How does any therapist undo that?
Random thoughts, rant over.
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So you'll love this! SD18
So you'll love this! SD18 has been living with Aunt J (her choice) in another state for about 1.5 years now. Aunt J insisted that SD get counseling because of her many issues, including lying, cheating, stealing, and just being a jerk in general. SD18 has had a boyfriend for about a year now. Aunt J has been asking her and asking her whether she is having sex and if so is she using protection, does she want to get on BC etc. SD18 tells Aunt J, she is not having sex... basically all the same crap that she was telling DH... not interested in boys.. HAHA. Well, then all of the sudden SD comes to Aunt J scared she might have an STD. Aunt J flips out, not really because of the possible STD and sex issue, but because SD18 HAS BEEN LYING ABOUT IT FOR MONTHS! SD comes clean and tells Aunt J she's been having sex since when she lived with us... so for about the past 4 years. There was another incident where SD wanted to go to some overnight party. She couldn't even tell Aunt J the name of the person's house, so Aunt J told her no. She told her she could go to the party, but that she wasn't spending the night. SD had a giant hissy, said all kinds of nasty things to and about Aunt J (all behind her back of course that eventually got back to her)but then of course denied saying the awful things. So anyway, it was Aunt J's turn to go to a counseling session with SD and this is word for word what Aunt J emailed me happened at the counselors:
I had her in counseling and it was my turn to go in . The therapist ripped into me what a horrible human being I am and what a sweet girl she is . She called me rigid, unyielding and I needed to relax my views about teen sex, teen activities and abortion. She has been fired. (SD18) sat there never said a word I felt set up. Honestly, what kind of horrible of a human being can I be to try to help someone out ??
WTH kind of therapist would do this?? I mean especially right in front of SD... it just drives home to SD that all the shitty things she does are fine. I don't know, hopefully your SD has a therapist with half a brain who will call her out... if not then there is no hope...
Wow, the overindulged SD's
Wow, the overindulged SD's know how to manipulate don't they!? I hope Aunt J learned her lesson in who SD really is now. The therapist really should have done an assessment to understand Aunt J's side first. I'm really disappointed that this is the "care" that people are receiving.
There's no way my SD's therapist calls her out. She loves going, which tells me she feels validated. She was seeing another therapist within SO's network and he was going to pay for it, but she didn't like the person. So she switched to one at her community college (who was also one of her teacher's). Not in network, so SO told SD she was on her own for those bills
She also self medicates with marijuana a lot. Awesome.
cause and effect, darlin'. i
cause and effect, darlin'. i think the depression stems from the fact that she was spoiled, and now adultiness is not lookin' the way she thought it would... IMHO
Exactly where I was going
Exactly where I was going with this. Your wording is perfect. What is funny now is that even her brother, SS17 calls her a spoiled brat. He is worried for her though, but that's because she's good at eliciting sympathy and victimization. Nothing horrible has ever happened to her though. You'd think she had been traumatized or assaulted. No evidence or indication its ever happened.
He certainly knew the system
He certainly knew the system didn't he. SO and I went to counseling a few times. He quit after the lady validated my guilty daddy syndrome claims.
Even with an excellent
Even with an excellent therapist a lazy person who truly does not want to help themselves won't make any progress. A therapist is there to guide and help - not to wave a magic wand that makes a person better.
The SD sounds like a POS who may or not also be depressed. Hell I'd certainly be depressed if I knew I was a POS.
I've also wondered what you
I've also wondered what you said. Is she really depressed or did someone give her the crutch and now she's running with it. She is lazy. Ss17 told me she got a new job and was excited because they don't work her as many hours. In the next breath she cried to him because she owes so much money and is broke and can't afford anything. *eyeroll*
there's a reason she stays away from me. I don't play into her victim hood.
Actually, since she's 20 the
Actually, since she's 20 the problem is hers now. Yes, she had two shitty parents. And yes, SO was definately problem. In fact, I'd say between both her parents, she has a lot of issues stemming from her childhood. My thoughts were more about how therapy won't seem to help her since she will still play victim and there will be no other "side" to her story. How do you change an entire worldview of someone who things they should be handed everything.