Seeking advice
I've been with DH for 11 years. I love him but I don't feel IN love with him anymore. I'm happy all the time except for when I'm with him. I feel it's the same way for him too. It's not like it's constant fighting or anything, there's just nothing there. I think he's physically attractive, but his personality annoys me lately. He won't ever touch or cuddle me unless he wants sex. He won't listen to me when I talk. He just zones out on his phone and doesn't listen to things that are important to me. I've talked to him about all of this before and he always just turns it around on me somehow. I've fought for us for years and now I don't see a point. I am indifferent to everything. I'm tired of running in circles and I gave up. I'm actively searching for my own place to live. I've never been in a relationship this long before and I'm just wondering if this is normal? Or do you still feel IN love with your spouse? I do love him and care for him and don't want to hurt him, but i just think we've drifted so far apart that there's no fixing it. This is with steps aside. If I factor in the whole step kids, I know that it's over 
I just don't know if I'm doing the right thing. I'm so scared and confused. I've tried everything though. Relationships should be easy, no?
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No I don't think
No I don't think relationships are ever easy... I do think step children can ruin even the most perfect loves... Fights over them taint it and make both parties fall out of love
Maybe neither person is right
Maybe neither person is right .. But when the down days add up to more good days maybe it's time to move on... I feel I'm where you are....
Maybe neither person is right
Maybe neither person is right .. But when the down days add up to more good days maybe it's time to move on... I feel I'm where you are....
I think most people get into
I think most people get into a relationship to be happier than they are when the are alone. If you are happier alone, then there is no reason to stay in this relationship...
Do you have kids with this man?
I think time apart would be
I think time apart would be good for both of you to figure things out. If you both think it's worth another try once you taken time, start small by dating again. Then see if you can fall again. Take it slow.
If it's just not worth it for one or both of you, then choose to part amicably.
It doesn't sound like to be
It doesn't sound like to be it's a case of not being "in love" - it sounds like you are not "in like". From what you wrote you don't enjoy spending time with him. You don't "like' his company. It doesn't even mean that you actively dislike him. But you don't enjoy him.
Maybe it's fixable - but it will take two people to fix it. You can't do it alone.
I just feel like we keep
I just feel like we keep having the same arguments over and over again. We go out and you can't tell that we're a couple. It's like we don't have any of the same interests anymore. As his kids have become teens and BM upped her crazy, it just feels like a never ending cycle. I just don't want to toss away 11 years just like that, but at the same time, I do :/
Like everyone has said....
Like everyone has said.... real love is quiet. And boring.
Work on this, or else you repeat this pattern in your next relationship until you learn this lesson.
Thank you all for your
Thank you all for your comments. I'm really struggling with this and really appreciate the cold hard truth. I left a lot out. I'm not perfect, but I feel that DH has a lot of issues. He is very angry and has a very short fuse. Especially when it comes to his sons. He won't enforce ss14, who lives with us full time, to do his chores. I feel that a 14 year old shouldn't have to be told daily to do that, when we have a chore chart on the wall. Also, we technically aren't married. We've been living together for 11 years, together for 11 1/2 and he proposed to me 6 years ago. I never went through with the wedding because of the issues above. Also, because BM is very unstable and everything she does, has an effect on my life. "DH" will do whatever it takes to not make "waves" with BM, even if it makes waves with me. Ss16 ran away on us twice, and the last time, he tried to do it by trying to prove DH unfit and having the cops called to our home. He is a spitting image of BM. Since then, it's been nothing but problems. She let ss16 drop out of high school and then, 5 months later, she lied about getting surgery and dropped him on us for 2 weeks. We all went to work and he just stayed home all day, slept til 3 in the afternoon and played video games. DH didn't seem to care how it affected me, but I sure heard about how me not wanting him there was pissing BM offs I told DH she was lying about surgery and he wouldn't hear it. Now BM is back together with the guy who caused her to lose all of her kids in the first place. The only reason that ss16 is with her is because he's 16 and can make his own decision. Riiight!!! I just feel lost now. I don't want to flush away 11 years just like that, but at the same time, I would rather be alone
the thought of going home after work to all the drama is getting to be too much. It's not like there's drama everyday, but it's often enough that it's become a problem. I'm completely torn. I just had to vent and gather insight from others. I've just never been with someone for this long before and don't know what to think anymore.