We have three teenagers and all play a variety of sports. We sometimes sit with the ex's including extended family, both mine and his. And sometimes I'm not in the mood to deal so we don't. When we do I have to constantly remind myself to not worry about it and be myself. It's stressful but I can tell you that the kids appreciate it. They enjoy not having to divide their loyalties and time.

What has helped the most? making friends/being friendly with other parents. If you feel apart of the group you'll feel less like an outsider.

At the beginning BM and dh had made many rules. To always be besties and be nice to each other... Yada yada yada. And dh did as she pleased "for the sake of the kids".

Then I came into the picture. I went along with it at the beginning, until I didn't. I was not going to play the part of an outsider and made to feel like a mistress to any man. He and a BM were divorced and no amount of trying to keep it the same would make the kids know that.

Years later and much counseling later, dh and I have built our family and hasn't talked to bm in a few years.

My life would have been much easier had I said something earlier then I did.

BM sat with us at SD11's elementary self-congratulation ceremony.

Wasn't a big deal, but then we all get along ok. We took pictures together after too.

If they didn't want the kids to feel uncomfortable, they should have worked harder at their marriage and not gotten divorced.

Divorce is uncomfortable.

It's okay, if everybody is okay with it, but if you feel like an outsider then it's not working and something needs to change, whether that be you doing something different or you and your DH doing something different.

Do they sit next to each other and chat it up or what?

DH was a coach on SS team in HS. I would sit with the in-laws and BM would sit by herself. I got to know the other parents really well because DH was a coach, I think BM felt more like the outsider than I did.

Once the skids got to Uni, DH and I sat together with his parents and again BM sat by herself. Sometimes her BF or a friend join her but we don't even talk to her.
When we'd go with SD to watch SS, SD always sat with BM. She told me she felt bad that her mom was alone. DH and I have each other and friends to sit with. I have no problem with that.

"Finally, D1 college recruiters are more likely today to ask a travel sport Coach to "tell me about the parents" than the player. A lot can be determined watching the kid, playing their sport, but what kind of hell awaits a college Coach is better judged by how the parents handle themselves. Something to be said for maturity & class."

I'm all for maturity and class - but WTF about college recruiters paying attention to the parents? Not in the SEC. A great athlete could have parents in prison and it would not affect their desirability.

Many students (not just athletes) achieve greatness in spite of crappy parents.

Ex-DH & I have "sat" together or wandered by to chat together or stood companionably for many of BS-14's events.

Primarily, Ex-DH works out-of-country more than 1/2 the year so he is out-of-sync with more traditional behavior so he gravitates towards the familiar-me. (Just realized that I do move towards him too in an effort to smooth the waters. Keep the socially arrogant guy within social norms to avoid embarrassment. "No spitting sunflower seeds or lugees on astroturf.")

Secondly, his wife, my son's SM is a freakin' nutjob as only Russian step-moms can be. While she lived here, she refused every invite to sports events etc. Invited. Bought Xmas presents for her, etc. Wished my child would disappear or die. She married Ex-DH and that did NOT INCLUDE HIS SON. Lots of fun on the flip=side of the step=parent story.

I don't think as divorced parents we consciously plan on "parental support" situations. A bit of the "don't shame the boy," flows both ways.

Last time Ex-DH was in town, he wandered the sidelines solo ... mingled a bit with the other parents whom I had introduced him to and chatted up my SO a bit. I "checked in" with him a few times by wandering by, commenting upon a good play, etc. Wanted him to feel welcome. Mind, I was head coach and there were no bleachers.

I think we tend towards the "not shaming the boy" side of sitting together. Ex-DH is an ass, doesn't pay many of his bills and is still a good guy ... I made the best choice I knew how at the time. Actively keeping the drama low in public even though we may be blowing up the keys about "un-reimbursed medical expenses" or "what do you mean you lost BS's phone on your watch," etc.

It depends. Are there other areas of your life with your dh that you feel that they do not have appropriate boundaries? Are they chit chatty at other times? Are you excluded? Are you consulted on decisions they make it are you out on the back burner? For one thing your dh needs to take his wife's concerns into consideration. His kids are old enough to understand that their mom and dad are NOT a team. He and YOU are the team. Sounds like your dh is one of those who puts his kids' feelings (and hopefully not bm's too!) into consideration above their spouse's. If this is the case it's a hill to die on and needs to be nipped in the bud. Another thing...you and your dh is family now. You should NEVER feel as though you are intruding. Bm is the interloper

We usually get to events first and BM sits by us. She doesn't come to many events, so it isn't a big deal. My DH mostly ignores her, but I will make small talk if she tries. Them being Facebook friends and having lunch together would bother me more than sitting "together" at sporting events.

My XH and I used to sit together at all the sporting and school events. Of course we didn't have SO's joining us but if he had brought his GF along I woudl have been totally fine with it. We all got along very well. My DH doesn't go to many of my BS's sporting events due to work so it has never really been an issue.
I hate BM so I refuse to sit anywhere near her anymore. I tried it at first but was just treated horribly and rudely so I refused. BM has proven to be a bitch beyond all bitches so DH nor I sit anywhere near her. My XH rarely goes to anymore events either so when he does...he sits in his own section.

I guess it all depends on the family dynamics.
I would NOT however go out to eat with my XH before, during or after the events. NO way and NO WAY would I allow my DH to do it.
That is crossing a line in my opinion