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Beyond disgusted.

Chachi's picture

This is going to be a long rant, because I'm absolutely livid over this worthless POS who calls herself a mother.
I've been holding this back for months, and I just have to get this out.

I have a SD(15) and SS(11), and their BM is pretty much the worst person in the world. She left my SO for a guy she knew for 3 weeks, because he told her he had a lot of money. Before she left she told the kids she was cheating, swore them to secrecy, and was gonna take them away to live in new BF's house, and buy them everything they wanted. She pulled them out of their school, without SO's consent, and drove them over to new BF's house. Only to find that, no, I can't have your kids here right now, but YOU can stay! So what does she do? Dumps the SD at her friend's house, and SS at her mother's. So SD was drifting back and forth, sleeping at friend's houses, not going to school, and SS is miserable, stuck in a gross hoarder house. They both decide BM is nuts and come back home - they only went with her because they felt bad, and she let's them do whatever they want. BM has since been dumped by the BF, and has been cruising from couch to couch, getting kicked out of every place she goes after a few days.

She continually pulls schemes to get money so she doesn't have to work. She's lied to DSS, saying the kids are with her, so she gets free money. She deliberately fell on the stairs at SO's house, then tried to sue. She's mentally unstable, and veers back and forth between "yeah the kids belong with you, I'm a mess" to "I'm taking them, and DSS is gonna give me a new apartment and money and a car and then I'm gonna rape you for child support."

I'm aghast how someone this bad is even allowed to spawn. She openly curses, around and at the kids. Smokes, drinks, smokes pot, all in front of them, and we're pretty sure she smokes with SD and gives her pot. She let's them skip school all the time, or they call her and she picks them up early. SS failed 6th grade, was supposed to go to summer school, she told him "hide the letters and don't tell Dad." So now he's repeating 6th grade. She never has them do any homework, feeds them absolute garbage, brings them to parties, etc.

She obviously favors the daughter, but rarely sees either of them. She'll pick the SD up, and tell SS "Oh we're going to do girl things", so he gets left at home and cries. He goes as long as 2 months without seeing her.

We had an incident where she had told him she was coming to take him out. He gets in the car, and she tells him she's only staying a few minutes, she has to go to "work" (she has no job, he knows that). So he obviously gets upset, and refuses to get out of the car. She calls my SO (all discipline and parenting is his job), says "come get him out of my car", he refuses, tells her she needs to learn how to deal with it herself. So she proceeds to scream and curse at SS, calling him "a little bitch" and telling him to "get off your mommy's tit". She slaps him hard in the face several times, digs her disgusting ghetto nails into his neck, and throws him out of her high truck onto the ground and drives away while he lies there sobbing. She ripped his shirt and tore huge gouges into his neck. He was afraid to go to school, because she's had CPS called on her before.

I've tried to be the stable mother figure they need in every way. Driving them to and from wherever, making them healthy meals, checking homework, hanging out, talking, playing games, etc. They're great kids. But then they feel bad for her, go see her, and end up bringing all her bad influence home. SD got caught shoplifting and we had to pay $200 to clear her record. She stole beer from the house and got drunk one afternoon, and last week we caught her with that fake weed crap - gee, I wonder who bought her that?

She ran her car (that SO pays for) into the ground, and now has no job, no car, and no place to live. She's currently squatting in the home of an elderly woman with dementia, because her "friend" is her live-in health aid. SO has actually been helping her, giving her rides, lending her money, with my blessing. We both just want her to get her shit together, so she can actually be a mother for once.

He also convinced her to go to DSS to remove the kids from her case, so she doesn't get in trouble, and I suspect that has a lot to do with that happened next, because she obviously found out they just don't hand out money to single, able-bodied adults.

This weekend, SD disappears. She left on Friday, saying she was going "to her mom's" - God knows where that is at this point. She and BM went all weekend not answering their phones or texts, and SO was worried and SUPER pissed off.

So he gets a text from this piece of trash at 8 last night, "Lol, SD is staying with me now, we're going to DSS tomorrow. She doesn't wanna live with you." Then she calls SS and starts badgering him to come with them, and he says no thanks, visibly upset. We had spent the entire day doing family Christmas stuff, having fun, and when he hung up, every ounce of happiness was drained from the room. SD still won't answer her father. Absolutely nothing happened for her to be angry about.

I understand where SD is coming from, because she doesn't want to see her "mother" homeless, alone and destitute at Christmas. On the other hand, I wanna slap some sense into her. Do you not see that she's using you to get money? Do you not see that someone who treats you like an adult, lets you cut school, get high, stay out until whenever, doesn't give a crap about you? You went through this with this crackhead less than a year ago - she promised up and down she'd have an apartment and money, and this and that - did it ever happen? Do you really wanna spend Christmas sleeping on someone's floor?

And BM, seriously - f#ck you. You are a disgusting, selfish, thoughtless, retarded POS. The fact that there are people who can't have kids, while YOU can, is criminal. You should be spayed like a damn animal.

F#ck your lazy, worthless ass, getting high and getting your hideous witch nails done with my tax dollars, while you sit around all day posting on Facebook about how "strong" you are, and what a "damn good mother" you are (LOL), and how your kids are "your world" when you haven't even seen their faces for a damn month.

F#ck you for SS's birthday (oh sorry, the day AFTER his birthday, because you couldn't be bothered) when I had to drive him to "hang out" at the filthy motel where you probably turn your tricks, so you could hand him $48 and send him out 2 minutes later. Oh yeah, we all believe you had to go to "work". F#ck you even more for the fact that I had to get him to stop crying and give him the other $2 so he could buy his game card. Happy birthday kid.

F#ck you for having all the members of your disgusting trash family call and text SD for months, insisting that she live with you, and telling her she's a bad person for not wanting to.

F#ck you for taking that beautiful, smart, sweet girl, and trying to turn her into a piece of ghetto trailer trash like yourself. What a great lesson to teach your daughter. Sit on your ass and let the county pay for what you need, until you find a man to buy you things. If you had one decent bone in your body, you'd send her home where she belongs.

And most of all, f#ck you for the endless tsunami of shit you've unleashed on that beautiful, sweet, kind, honorable, hardworking man.

God I f#cking hate you. If I ever have to actually see or talk to you, I might have to knock you out.

Do those kids (and the world) a favor and just f#cking die.

Comments

Chachi's picture

Lol, thanks. I'm a tad ticked, if you couldn't tell.
He really should be in counseling, I'm trying to convince him, but anything that comes between him and video games he's not super enthusiastic about.

MineAndYours's picture

OMG that's quite the situation there. Obviously SO has to step up to the plate and start involving the authorities and whoever he needs to in order to get his kids some help..because pretty soon SD will be at the age where she can decide what she wants. Then you won't have a choice but follow her wishes.

I feel for you so much. My Bio children kind of went through this with the Biodad. They are older but the drinking, smoking drugs, and mental and verbal abuse was all there. He tormented them so much that the youngest doesn't even talk to me any more..it is easier for him to hate me than deal with the abuse and guilt his father spews out. The oldest finally started to see what he was like and we are trying to rebuild our relationship.

Fight for them while they are young and you can have the authorities back you. You need to get them to counselling and distance them as much as you can from this. Even if it means court and lawyers and CPS. I didn't and now it's too late..they are old enough to be outside the system..at 16 years of age. Gross

Cadence's picture

Agree with others that your DH needs to stop enabling her. Let her fall. Report her when she does something illegal.

"Helping her" and "keeping her out of trouble" is allowing her to create more chaos in the kids' lives.

You guys will be in deep trouble as soon as SD is able to say where she wants to live unless you start allowing BM to experience the consequences of her actions. She supplies SD with pot/fake-pot: call the cops and make a report. She takes the kids to parties: call the cops and make a report. Call the cops for anything and everything.

Don't tell the kids you're doing that. Just do that. If the kids find out, own up to it and say "This is adult stuff. Your mom is troubled, and by allowing her to not face consequences for her actions, we're creating a worse situation for you. We're doing this because we love you. You'll understand when you're older."

You need to start thinking long-term. One of the problems about having someone in your life who creates chaos like she does is that it strips you of the ability to look at the big picture because you're so busy managing whatever the current crisis is. You guys desperately need a plan, and that plan needs to be cutting this bitch off at the pass, not helping her avoid consequences because the kids will feel bad.

SS needs therapy. He's going to grow up to impregnate someone just like BM otherwise.

As for BM being "allowed to spawn"... well, your DH helped her do that, didn't he? It didn't just happen. He's responsible for the outcome of these kids, and I'm sorry, but enabling her is the coward's option.

Chachi's picture

Unfortunately, this was all well underway before I came in the picture. I feel sort of powerless.

SO's always insisted that the kids make the choice of where they want to stay, and luckily they've been smart about it, up until now. I've told him that now is the time to make it more official, but he's hesitant to force them.

The problem is, BM's always had a history of getting the kids to lie, and they always lie to protect her. He found out she had smoked and drank in front of SD through social media before, and after the fact, there's not much to be done about it. We can only assume more of the same is going on, but it's really a mystery. We have no clue where she takes them or what they do when they're with her, which is pretty frightening.

Still, I agree, if it was my kid, I'd be reporting her left and right, but I've never directly seen her do anything harmful. Everything has been told to me 2nd or 3rd hand. I DEFINITELY don't want to help her avoid consequences, and I don't think he does either. She's just nuts and retaliatory, so he tries to talk to her as little as possible.

He's convinced SD will come around in a day or two, which she likely will. BM's going to find out that her free apartment has a waiting list of about 2 years, and a shelter will be her only alternative.

RayRay's picture

I feel the exact same way about my skids BM. These women are a complete waste of oxygen and I have scraped better things than them off the bottom of my shoe. Luckily, my skids BM only has supervised visits every other weekend for a few hours. Her influence is minimal at best. I would try everything in my power to keep the kids from her. It can be difficult to do that and it took me nearly 18 months to get DH and his lawyer enough evidence to keep the BM outta their everyday lives.