Tired off the same old arguement
SD18 hates me. I have no problem with that but SO does.
He keeps telling me to 'be the adult' and make the effort with her. I have told him i wont until she stops grunting at me, pulling faces and leaving the room when i walk into it. I prefer that we dont speak and i dont have to look at her.
I have told him that he has to sort the issue with her lack of respect for him and our relationship. He has to set boundaries and enforce them. Until he does that im not interested.
He has told me this is ruining our relationship which i sort of agree but i told him he has to sort the boundaries and if he chooses not to enforce them then he is the one to blame not me.
This has kicked off again because i refused to see him today because he decided to take SD18 to an appointment this afternoon that she could get herself to but doesnt want to
So he 'chose' to spend time with her rather than me.
Yes that sounds silly but today is my day off and for the last 3 yrs we have always spent my day off together it is also the only day he is 'free' (ie not running around after his kids) Also he had told her 3 wks ago to reachedule appointment because he couldnt take her. Today he has gone back on that because SD didnt change the appointment.
He is going to be single sooner than he thinks as i just dont feel anything anymore. I am getting my life back in track and unless he really mans up then i wont be making any effort to see him.
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I agree with LadyFace, your
I agree with LadyFace, your SO has this a little backwards.
Oh man. I'm so happy my SD18
Oh man. I'm so happy my SD18 (almost 19) quit coming over as soon as she turned 18. Has made my life so much lighter.
I tried so hard for years but just got tired of her nastiness and her controlling behavior. The other two (SS17, SD15) couldn't stand her either. One night, a few months before she turned 18, we were playing a Family Feud like game after dinner...a dinner which was her favorite and which I'd slaved over...a completely from scratch chicken pot pie. The question was something like: "Name one thing people look forward to on their birthdays." We went around the table...standard answers: presents, cake, friends, etc. Get to SD-almost-18 and she says: "Never coming over here or seeing any of you people again."
My DH's face fell...we'd been having such a good night. But for nearly a year before she turned 18 SD pulled out this...I'm not coming over once I turn 18 bit to hurt and manipulate my husband...used it to get her way about everything and make us all cow-tow to her. Usually I just ignored it or laughed it off, but this night it was so completely unnecessary and incongruous...I looked her right in the eye and said: "Do you promise? Can we get that in writing?"
Took the little wind right out of her sails and, I think, scared her a little to realize that we were looking forward to it, too. Or, at least, I was
I just fell in love I looked
I just fell in love
I looked her right in the eye and said: "Do you promise? Can we get that in writing?"
LMAO!!! Love it~~
Wish SD18 visited i could
Wish SD18 visited i could probably be nice to her then. Unfortuantely all skids live with SO fulltime and they have very little to do with BM
Couldn't handle it. Other
Couldn't handle it. Other than the oldest I have great relationships with the skids ( younger two really are mostly great...have problems like all kids. oldest is pure evil.) Even with the great relationship...I feel like I'm powering through the weekends, counting down the days. Who wants to have their whole home and life upended every weekend for someone else's kids? Couldn't handle full-time and couldn't handle outright rudeness / meanness?
Is she going to college? Any light at the end of the tunnel...any chance she'll move out?
Haha no light at any
Haha no light at any tunnel!!
There is talk of her getting a scholarship to attending a US college for her swimming but cant see her going. To attached to daddeee to move out of the country. She doesnt even want to go to university. Doesnt need to really daddeee does everything for her!
Honestly dont think she will ever leave home she has no need to.
My DH would get upset with me
My DH would get upset with me if I didn't acknowledge SD16 when she was here. I explained to him that if she doesn't want to acknowledge me then I will not acknowledge her. Then I went on to say that if his expectations are that SD and I acknowledge one another then it should be expected of both of us and not just me.
I will occasionally acknowledge SD just to show DH that SD will not do it on her own. DH has not brought up anything like this again.
Hold your ground. He has a
Hold your ground. He has a right to have any relationship he wants with his daughter, and you have a right to opt out of that--for any reason. Being treated poorly by SD18 is a sensible, healthy reason for you to opt out of dealings with her, and if he can't maintain healthy, respectful boundaries all around, you will ultimately be happier out of the entire deal.
Well..looks like he has a
Well..looks like he has a partner..and youre not it. He still runs around at her beck and call..and she is 18? A total turn off. Tell him to move in with her..and you will be planning a beautiful, peaceful future..without them in it.
LOL. My DH is the same. He is
LOL. My DH is the same. He is focused on parenting me and not SS. I am just working on getting a job - far far away so I can leave them to it.