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Has anyone seen this?

Ninji's picture

Submitted by Ninji on Fri, 10/23/2015 - 9:53am

http://qz.com/530123/its-time-we-stop-pitying-children-of-divorce/?utm_s...

I especially liked this

“Divorce is a one-time event. Divorce is a noun. We should not think of ‘divorced’ as an adjective to describe families and/or children for their entire lives.”

and this

"Ask a psychotherapist how many patients from intact families had happy childhoods. Marriage is no protection against dysfunction."

Comments

Just J's picture

Submitted by Just J on Fri, 10/23/2015 - 10:03am

Great article! I like that line you quoted as well. And my step kids definitely got things they wouldn't have had if their parents had stayed together. Their mom blew money left and right on Disney cruises and other trips, gave them cars, put in a swimming pool, didn't make them get jobs til after high school...all things my DH would not have agreed to if he was still married to BM.

notarelative's picture

Submitted by notarelative on Fri, 10/23/2015 - 11:07am

A friend taught third grade. After one parent conference she remarked that she had to bite her tongue from asking how wide the crack in the house was after several parents blamed the child's behavior on the 'broken home'.

Ninji's picture

Submitted by Ninji on Fri, 10/23/2015 - 11:12am

Both of my Skids teachers give them special consideration because of their "situation"...They are in for a rude awakening one day. In adult life, no one gives give a flying F if your parents are divorced.

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Fri, 10/23/2015 - 11:45am

Right??? I am older than you, but the story is still the same.

My parents finally got divorced when I was 18, but my dad was moving in and out and in and out from the time I was 14. This was from 1980-1984. I only knew one person whose parents were divorced, so it was quite the anomaly in my small town. NO ONE ever made any excuse for my shitty home life. I certainly didn't walk around like an asshole expecting people to feel sorry for me.

My kids were 4, 4 and 8 when Asshat and I were divorced. This was in 2000. Nobody made any excuses for them, least of all me.

Whhyyyyyyyy do we all have to feel so bad for the poor widdle CODs?

Makes me NUTS!!!!

Tuff Noogies's picture

Submitted by Tuff Noogies on Fri, 10/23/2015 - 11:52am

ha i dont feel sorry for them!!!

i was four when my parents split. shortly after, we ended up with dad full-time. try that on for size in the 80's!! but NOPE. no special treatment whatsoever. no teachers or other adults EVER said "oh i'm sorry..." when they found out. not even other kids!!! there was maybe the occasional explanation but that was IT.

kids are resilient and flexible and adaptable. people now try too hard to rigidly protect them, and the kids lose out.

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Fri, 10/23/2015 - 1:59pm

" it's just another symptom of this child-centric, vomit inducing, lack of balls/ovaries parenting going on"

yup - everything is so child-centric, it makes me sick. Ooooh, can't hurt their fee fees, can't do ANYTHING that makes them feel bad, makes me sooooooo stabby and drinky!!

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Fri, 10/23/2015 - 1:39pm

Yes, being a parent who is not with the father anymore is not the same thing as being the lone parent.

Single in this case, means ONE, not unattached.

ChiefGrownup's picture

Submitted by ChiefGrownup on Wed, 10/28/2015 - 2:16pm

I noticed that line, too, and felt the exact same way about it. How kids ever gonna learn about chores and errands if you keep it hidden from them? Slippery slope indeed.

still learning's picture

Submitted by still learning on Sat, 10/24/2015 - 12:36pm

yes please stop pitying "children of divorce!" ss30 still plays the poor me I'm from a broken home card and he's 30. Dh and BM divorced when he was 20 so he was never a "child of divorce" but rather a grown man off living his own life.

No one sets out to get divorced, it is a broken dream but doesn't have to lead to a broken life.