The demon is gone!!!
Yesterday ss9 got in trouble for peeing all over the toilet seat and leaving it for my 3 daughters to sit in and also for not feeding his dog for 4 days even though I reminded him every day. When DD's went to the fair with grandma ss9 stayed with me. That night I caught SS9 trying to sneak out. This would have made the 3rd time he ran away. Somehow in my lecture we got on the subject of an incident that happened over the summer. He spent the summer with the in-laws and one day MIL called DH screaming her head off about mistreating SS9 and we aren't fit to be parents. Back to last night- SS9 confessed that he told MIL that we treated him worse than a dog, we yelled at him all the time and punished him for no reason. We were never nice to him, we didn't even treat him like he was a human being. He told them that I was horrible to him all the time, fat, and mean. SS9 said he told all the lies because he wanted us to get in trouble and he didn't want to live with us anymore. SS9 also told me that he will never learn from being punished, he's going to do whatever it is he wants to do no matter what. He told me he isn't comfortable here because he doesn't like me. Most of the time he does things to get in trouble because he knows it gets on my nerves and he's going to keep doing it because he doesn't like me. He ran his mouth for about an hour and I have it all on video! DH is away at work but, he tried calling his family and SS9's family to see if anyone would pick SS9 up. BM said she couldn't take care of him and she would need to talk with her bf but, she wanted to see SS and try to figure out what is going on. I took SS to the people that deal with juvenile delinquents and they told me they couldn't remove him from the house because he's too young. The only thing they could do is to refer us for in home counseling services. After I left the office I was fed up. I set up a meet with BM so she could talk with SS. I had SS pack a bag with all his stuff except for the things I bought. When we got to BM I made him tell her the story about him lying on us and she made a comment about how we could get arrested for stuff like that and cps would take DD'S. Then I said, "I'm not going to jail for his ass just because he wants to lie about stupid shit. I tossed the bag of clothes at them, jumped in the truck, and took off. I even spun out when I was leaving! DH is very hurt and it's taking him a bit to understand what is going on and to accept his son for the person he really is but, DH is backing me 100%. SS will never live in our home again, I will never be expected to care for SS9 again, I don't even have to be in the same room with him ever again! I also have proof to make MIL eat her own words. My house is mine again! No more stress, no more fighting! I can leave my purse out and no one will steal from me! I can relax and be comfortable and happy in my own home again!
I claim this victory for stepmoms everywhere. The women that give their all to care for another woman's child and get spit on in return. The disrespected, the unappreciated, I hope you're all freed of these troubles one day!
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Comments
He is 9. Boys piss on toilet
He is 9. Boys piss on toilet seats. Men piss on toilet seats. Gees lady. Talk about tough crowd!!!
And you had to remind a 9 year old to feed a dog???? No way. That is unheard of......NOT!!!!!
You gotta ease up there.he sounds normal to me.
My bioson also never peed on
My bioson also never peed on the toilet seat. That is bad etiquette. Boys should BE TAUGHT (key words) to lift the seat and aim, then put the seat and the lid down. Girls should close the lid when finished. Just good toilet etiquette.
It is the only post of hers
It is the only post of hers I have read. When she talks of cussing at BM when dropping off the SS and then burning out of the drive way, I see someone not in control of themselves. Soooo....when writing that the son pees all over the seat, I fell like it is an exaggeration. That what really is happening is a little drips here and there. Even the best aim can get splatters from the toilet water. Standing causes this.
And, at 9, boys do have to be reminded from time to time. I have a feeling that if he left the seat down once in a months time, he's in some serious trouble.
WTF - she elaborates a little
WTF - she elaborates a little further down into some of his other behaviors... may want to give it a quick look.
Reading it makes me feel like
Reading it makes me feel like everyone in the situation is out of control. Help is needed from the outside.
I am very much in control of
I am very much in control of my self. BM cusses casually and often. By cussing about the situation I was in, I let her know just how serious the situation was for me. I am beyond upset and angry! She has done nothing for her child his entire life. She lives carefree and I was told I don't like you so I try to do thinks to make you mad all the time. This kid has been treating me horribly for several years and I have had enough. Maybe after BM dumps him off again you would like to take him in?
Please, don't give him to
Please, don't give him to me, I have a step kid full time already. Lol
Like you, I have been raising a SD full time for 6 years. The BM is a profound loser. Jail time, stabbed a person, lots of DUIs.
I too have been dumped on. I am the primary in a kids life and I don't want to be. BUT.....what is the alternative? I count the years till I am done. 3.5 to go.
I think you should look into an in house facility for him. He is going to be a danger to others soon from what I have read. I understand why your tired. You know he is going to be back in your home soon. Unless you get a divorce.
He needs help and you need a break.
No one will help me, that is
No one will help me, that is the problem. I've asked DH's family and they just cause drama and talk about me behind my back. SS's family is a mess full of druggie and almost all of them have been arrested for domestic violence including BM with her mother. Her father is a good man but he only gets SS maybe 2 times a year. The psychologist said he didn't need to see her he just needed counseling once a month. With his behavior it could take years to get any type of slight improvement. The people that deal with juvenile delinquents said he was 2 young for them to do anything. The mental health hospital said they only take in kids that are violent. DH's parents were horrible hismom allowed her bf to beat them and she dropped them off on people and his Dad was never there. DH helps but he's just over the past few years learned what it means to be a parent from my example. He never had a good example of parents growing up.
what about DFCS? he is
what about DFCS? he is threatening others, saying he's gonna kill kids at school, making your dd drink his piss for crissake! he is a danger to your home environment and neither BIO will DO anything!!! if he ends up back under your roof file a report with all your documentation, for the safety of your child! if dh gets upset about it, then HE can take the child himself.
Is he in after school care?
Is he in after school care?
I looked up some site of
I looked up some site of places that might be of service. He might be too young for the residential program in one of them, but I would call them and ask for a place that does.
http://www.youthcare.com/programs/
http://www.childmind.org/en/clinics/centers/adhd-and-disruptive-behavior...
Give these sites to your DH. At the end of the day, he loves his kid and should really do something to help him.
And, unless you get a divorce, I bet anything that SS will be back in your home.
I cried, kicked and screamed at times to have my SD live with her mom - guess what - never happened. I will have her till she is 18. So I had to be of service to her. Can't have a kid under my roof and just watch them fail. sigh....
Wow....just read the rest of
Wow....just read the rest of your post. Had to do it in two tries to wrap my head around you.
I feel so bad for this kid. Dang....what did he do in his past life to deserve you????????
Would you feel sorry for him
Would you feel sorry for him after reading the boy gave her DD his urine to drink?
Something about this SM tells
Something about this SM tells me she is a mean SM....just reading this post gave me the shivers.
Read her previous blogs. He's
Read her previous blogs. He's a spawn.
Sounds like he has been
Sounds like he has been putting you through hell, I can't believe he's only 9 and talking like that. I can only imagine how far he could take his lies and twist them to get the cops and cps involved shortly down the road.
It sounds like you have both
It sounds like you have both got what you want. You got him out of the house, and he never has to return. Only dad misses out.
Please tell me you didn't let
Please tell me you didn't let the dog go without eating for four days because ss didn't feed him?
I was just typing this same
I was just typing this same question. The kid is 9 - of course he forgot to feed the dog.
THANK you. In the last
THANK you. In the last century, kids were often SUPPORTING THEIR FAMILIES at age nine before the child labour laws went nuts and won't allow TEENAGERS to lift a finger.
Last week I was preoccupied
Last week I was preoccupied with moving. DH works away from home so I was in charge of moving our family of 6 and unpacking us while taking care of our 4 children and their activities. SS didn't forget to feed his dog, I told him every day to feed him. SS deliberately chose to not feed his dog. I made the mistake of trusting him. If I would have known he wasn't fed I would have done it myself. I fully accept my fault in this but I would never starve an animal on purpose.
Please contact a shelter and
Please contact a shelter and put the dog up for adoption. Hell, being put down is better than being starved because some little shit doesn't feed him. As much as I want to be pissed at you for not feeding the poor dog it sounds like you're barely hanging on with all the shit being thrown at you. Get rid of the dog. That is one more thing you do NOT need to deal with.
So, let me see if I'm getting
So, let me see if I'm getting this right. I've been raising SS9 pretty much on my own for most of his life. BM does not pay child support and goes 6+ months without contacting him. I buy all his clothes, shoes, school supplies, presents. I've taken him to so many places just because he'd never been. I potty trained him, taught him to feed himself taught him to tie his shoes, to write his name, multiplication, and about a million other things. I've spent so much time trying to make sure he had everything he needed and wanted and tried to make him happy. He wanted a dog and I got him one. While I was busy moving our family and unpacking last week by myself I reminded him every day to feed the dog and I assumed he did until I went to check. He breaks my DD's toys and steals from them. He's stolen money from me and DH, when I say steal it's $20 or more every time. He stole from his grandpa and opens packages in the stores to steal toys. He urinated in his room on the carpet "just because". He gets suspended from school on a regular basis. He steals from other children and his teachers. Teachers call me constantly telling me he is refusing to follow directions and being disrespectful. He scratched his name into the side of DH's truck 2 weeks after he bought it. He writes notes to other kids at school telling them how he's going to kill them. I get calls from the bus driver all the time because he refuses to sit down on the bus. He refuses to take baths or brush his teeth unless I threaten to whip him. He's cut his school uniform shirts up because he wanted to play with his scissors. He hides test papers and notes from his teachers and lies about it. He refuses to do homework and class work. He's disrespectful to his football coach and basically all adults. He made my DD drink his urine. He tries to run away any time I ground him from going somewhere. The second time he walked a mile down the road at 4am and knocked on a strangers door to use their phone, they called the police on him. SS has been arrested. He brought bullet casings to school. SS told me he only loves DH if he gives him money and takes him places. SS told me he doesn't like me because I correct him and try to make him follow the rules. He told me that he's going to do whatever he wants and nothing will change that. SS told elaborate lies on DH and myself because he wanted us to get in trouble. There's more but I'm tired of typing it. I have the autoimmune disease, Lupus, which is made worse by stress and SS told me that he's been purposely getting in trouble because he wants to get on my nerves. He knows that putting me under stress can make me end up in the hospital and that's what he's been trying to do. I've done everything I can for SS and he's done so many hateful things to me I lost count. He's put an enormous amount of stress on me and yet I'm the bad guy here?
Nope. You're not. You've been
Nope. You're not. You've been used by the BM and your DH. Making a mother stand up and take care of her own child isn't bad. And the things he is doing are going to continue. And get worse. He will end up in juvie and you will be blamed. He will have more problems upon problems.
No way would he be in my home after the pee incident with your daughter. And the stealing and trying to get you in trouble with CPS. There is another sm on this board that her step child has allegedly pulled some bad stuff that is similar in nature and she dogs that kid at every turn. The BM is also not around. This child has allegedly done things that are just as bad as the urine thing. False allegations to CPS. The whole mess. She's quiet celebrated for how she handles things. In my opinion, that SM's behavior is mean but for some reason, she's Teflon and gets kudos for not wanting the child around. Guess it just depends on who you are on the site.
But I have to say, had I been in your shoes, I would have done the same. I did something similar when I told my SSs to get their crap and go with their mother the day my XOSS jumped all over me and put his hand on me. He jumped all over my daughter. A year later, he admitted it was all a plan with his mother to force me to take him and his brother because that was what he wanted. Lmao he didn't reckon on me telling him to get his shit and go home with his mother. But exH didn't side with me. He was with them. And most likely in on the plan.
You're not the bad guy here. The bad guy is a kid who is trying to Involve CPS to hurt you. It's insane. Meanwhile, other folks here get free passes and celebrated. Lol go figure.
oh my god. i hope u've
oh my god.
i hope u've documented each incident, saved teachers notes, police reports and such? good for you for videotaping his remorseless confession. making your daughter drink his piss? FUCK NO.
It sounds like you're his
It sounds like you're his primary care giver his entire life. Therefore you know him better than his own parents. Why do you think he's this way? Do you think it's nature or nurture?
Just dumping him at his moms isn't going to fix the problem. Your husband is going to need to get very involved and help fix his child along with BM. And if you've been the one raising him his whole life, he's going to struggle if you just bail on him completely.
When the BM is not active in parenting their child, the dad has to stand up. Same as when the dad is not involved.
Agin, this is a troubled kid. Is it nature or nurture.
Ok - she is admittedly his
Ok - she is admittedly his primary caretaker since he was around two years old. Therefore it's good to look inward and ask is it nature or nurture. If it's nurture, then you know what direction to take it in. I read her other blogs, it sounds like a very tough situation for all around. Lots is stress. As the primary, she knows him best. Something going to need to change, but in a more thoughtful controlled manner. No cussing and burning out in front of the BMs home.
If she feels it's nature, that also gives valuable information. It sounds like the BM could have some serious mental issues. Son could be like that thru genetics. Once a month therapy is it going to do anything in the situation. I have a strong feeling this kid needs to be put in an intensive in home therapy situation. Cost a lot, but something needs to be done.
Again she's been his primary for his entire life. So it was me, I would spend some time thinking if it's nature or nurture and then act accordingly.
And, did anyone call the cops on the son bringing the bullet casings to school? Was he talk to about this by DH and the cops?
I get it. So what would you
I get it. So what would you suggest to her? You know the kid will be back soon. She is a stay at home mom. So realistically, what can she do?
sounds like nature. with a
sounds like nature. with a bit of LACK of nurture (from the bios) thrown in there.
it's not OP's job to raise this kid, but it appears she has tried to and tried to. now it's up to the parents, when her dh gets back he either needs to take the boy, move into his OWN place with him (so as NOT to continue risking op's daughter). if he's unwilling to do that, then the kid needs to stay with his mother somehow. OP tried stepping into a role that wasnt hers to begin with. it's time for the bios to step up and deal with him. this kid needs SERIOUS help. i wonder if he could go 'residential' somewhere? his behavior reeks of conduct disorder.
I agree with you 100%.
I agree with you 100%.
I kept him from 2 1/2 - 5 yrs
I kept him from 2 1/2 - 5 yrs old and this time it's been a little over 2 yrs. I believe it is both nature and nurture. BM has serious problems. She lies so much she can't keep her story straight. She's never had her own anything, never had a job, never taken care of either of her 3 kids. She steals from her 85yr old grandma. She has no regard for anyone other than herself. MIL also has issues, she starts drama with her children's families. Talks about all her children's spouses behind their back to the other children. She even got so ugly with my SIL at a wedding recently that my SIL left early in tears. As far as nurture is concerned he did spend the most important first years of his life with someone else. When he hasn't lived with me he lived in a household with no rules, no consequences, no responsibility, no chores, he wasn't made to do his homework or anything else. BM's children are living in 3 separate households. Her children are failing in school, all have mental health issues, and behavior problems. I have 3 very intelligent DD's. They are on the honor roll. They are very active in sports and extra curricular activities. They have raised rabbits, ducks, and chickens from birth by themselves and all of their animals place in the top 3 at shows. They volunteer in our community. They have NEVER gotten in trouble in school. They are always getting recognized as student of the month or week. They get in trouble for normal kid stuff. I am successfully raising my children and the other household is not. Obviously the nurture issues come from them
BINGO!!! So sick of the
BINGO!!! So sick of the "s/he's only a kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidddddddd" crap. People stop INFANTILIZING your CHILDREN!!!! This kid is obviously very intelligent, clever, manipulative and EVIL at age nine!
Sounds a LOT like, in particular my youngest skids, Dominatrix (SD stb 17) and Prince Hygiene (YSS stb 13). I had hope for the older one Pumpkinhead, (OSS 19) but the younger two were ROTTEN by age FIVE.
And of course I blame the PARENTS for infantilizing and spoiling them to the hilt by non-parenting via guilt.
enjoy it while it lasts, lol,
enjoy it while it lasts, lol, when they hit teens you have to tell them "if the garbage doesn't go out I'm taking the xbox!"
(I'm luckier than most, my skid will at least do shit when he's told to do it...and yet I get irritated that I have to say anything lol)
My 4 year old can lift the
My 4 year old can lift the seat and pee without getting piss all over! Good for you on taking a stand!
This kid is acting out for a
This kid is acting out for a reason and someone needs to find out why. I have a SS9 and while he is an incredibly bright kid, sometimes he needs reminding when it comes to chores and things you would think a 9-year old would know. I take from your venting that you all do not live on a farm, although you yourself were raised on one. These are 2 completely different worlds. Why did BM say she couldn't take him? Sounds like he's been rejected by everyone who is supposed to love him and protect him. He needs some serious counseling - and the lack of counseling would account for all of his bad behavior.
I'm not going to take you to task for his actions, but since you said you practically raised him, you do share some of the responsibilities (unless I read the responses incorrectly). You, your DH and the BM are the adults here. Instead of ignoring his issues, address them or he WILL end up in juvie.
See, I never had the lying
See, I never had the lying problem with CTBB ( thank God), my feeling is, if you're a mom with your OWN kids, and a step starts lying about "abuse" that never happened, that is scorched earth time. I don't care who's kid you are, I don't care if your mom is on crack or whatever, NO ONE (even a small boy) will risk me losing MY kids. Maybe now his mother will be forced to step up, I bet you anything his real problem is being rejected by BM (in favor of whoever's dick she's sucking). If I were you I would have my DH sign a contract which would prevent SS from living under your roof. Just a thought.
and also for not feeding his
and also for not feeding his dog for 4 days even though I reminded him every day
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Find that dog another home ASAP. I would also make the whole family NOT eat for 4 days to see what it felt like for the poor poor animal.