You are here

The world according to ASS

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Wed, 09/23/2015 - 10:32am

I had to print something before I left for work this morning. I found this on the printer.

DH and ASS have a session with the therapist tonight. Keep in mind my parenting theory:

We don't do favors for assholes
We don't negotiate with terrorists

I swear on all that is holy, I couldn't make this up if I tried.

Having said that, here is ASS's "Contract (for rules, expectations, standards, whatever)"

1. No rules outside this contract shall be enforced
2. This contract is a voluntary agreement between two parties and can be opted out of, modified and added to.
3. If either party fails to uphold their end of the contract, the family shall take voluntary actions to make right these wrongs, and use force as a last resort.

I require:
my desktop
my phone
internet/electricity/data/etc

Parents require:
clean room once every 2 months (windows, dust, etc)
clean bathroom once ever (5 weeks) insert specifics
put dishes in dishwasher as long as the sign is correct (*we have one of those "clean/dirty" signs, but apparently actually looking in the dishwasher is just waaaaaay too much to expect of a 17 year old*)
come down to dinner when possible (not forced, schedules, friendly, no manners)
clean up after yourself

We both require:
to treat each other respectfully or otherwise *hard to read*
to not bother one another when busy
if not in this contract - ask, not demand, and nicely
live and let live - list several specifics

This kid is something else. I love how he has decided what "the parents" require - lol!!!

Soooooooo glad I am disengaged from all things ASS!

Comments

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Wed, 09/23/2015 - 10:42am

I saw that letter and told DH about it.

I think it's awesome!!!

I already heard from therapist. This is NOT on the table for discussion tonight }:)

Just J's picture

Submitted by Just J on Wed, 09/23/2015 - 10:41am

Clean bathroom every 5 weeks? Yuck!

And what's with the "no manners" comment? He comes down to dinner "when possible" but doesn't have to have manners? What kind of BS is that?

That list is something else. Written by a true douche bag.

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Wed, 09/23/2015 - 10:44am

Yes, he is truly an entitled douche bag. EXACTLY like his mother.

Apparently, he is so busy being a douche bag that he can't make it to dinner. IF this little "contract" ever gets brought up in front of me, I will tell ASS that we don't need to worry about things like food, because it isn't on his list of requirements and the contract clearly states that anything not in this contract cannot be enforced.

Suck it, ASS!

thinkthrice's picture

Submitted by thinkthrice on Wed, 09/23/2015 - 10:43am

This kid thinks he is king of the castle!!
And I LOVE the flexibility on HIS part. It should be titled Memorandum of Understanding and not "contract." He's put in too many loopholes.

"this contract is a voluntary agreement between two parties and can be opted out of, modified and added to.
3. If either party fails to uphold their end of the contract, the family shall take voluntary actions to make right these wrongs, and use force as a last resort."

"can be opted out of (read: he can weasle out of anything) modified and added to (read: he can modify it to suit his needs and add on goodies)

"If either party fails to uphold their end of the contract, the family shall take voluntary actions to make right these wrongs, and use force as a last resort."

(read: if he thinks you are not living up to the "contract" he can use force--aka shove you like he did before) And define "family" obviously he feels you are not part of "the family"

Maybe he should become a sleezeball attorney!

Monchichi's picture

Submitted by Monchichi on Wed, 09/23/2015 - 10:44am

Hahahahaha diddums would die in my house hahshaha this little boy is off his cotton picking socks.

Tuff Noogies's picture

Submitted by Tuff Noogies on Wed, 09/23/2015 - 10:56am

HAHAHAHAHAAAAHHAAAHAAAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!!!!!!
*gasp, pant* *catching breath*

no wait here it comes again... HAHAHAHAHAAAAHHAAAHAAAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!!!!!!

oh that is rich.

thinkthrice's picture

Submitted by thinkthrice on Wed, 09/23/2015 - 11:31am

Ditto! He needs to drop trow to half mast and get beaten with a belt from one end of the property to another.

BethAnne's picture

Submitted by BethAnne on Wed, 09/23/2015 - 11:53am

Wow, is that a threat? Giving himself the option to use "force" to get what he wants? I would be tempted to phone your community police officer again to clarify for ASS exactly how much shit he would be in if he decided to use "force" against anyone to get his way. He clearly didn't take it in last time.

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Wed, 09/23/2015 - 11:57am

No, he thinks that taking his things away is using "force." He means that part in a "DH you can't use force to get your way" kind of a way.

Cadence's picture

Submitted by Cadence on Wed, 09/23/2015 - 11:57am

I agree with everyone else, and will just add that #3 is his justification for doing what he did to you. He's saying he'll do it again.

He uses the word "party" until he gets to someone "violating" the terms. Then "the family" (which you - the presumed violator - are not a member of) will use force.

W.T.EverLoving.F.

I'd consider that his inclusion of 3 means he is still a threat to you. I can't believe you've accepted living under the same roof as him.

Cadence's picture

Submitted by Cadence on Wed, 09/23/2015 - 1:32pm

Why would you trust what he says versus what's on paper?

Confiscation of personal items =/= force

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Wed, 09/23/2015 - 12:46pm

CRAP!!! DH just texted me that the therapist is sick and they have to reschedule to Saturday morning.

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Wed, 09/23/2015 - 1:59pm

I think he would have to be taking showers on a regular basis to even kinda sorta attract any kind of girl, lucky or not Blum 3

thinkthrice's picture

Submitted by thinkthrice on Wed, 09/23/2015 - 2:18pm

A perfect match for Dominatrix stb 17 who is devoid of personal hygiene (as are the rest of the skids)

I say marry them off!!! CS will stop for Chef (down to just Prince Hygiene) and you'll be rid of ASS. They can both live in the seven circles of hell vortex they've created. But please get ASS neutered first.

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Wed, 09/23/2015 - 2:47pm

GREAT!! You've got a deal!

It's a win win - I get rid of ASS and you, uh I mean Chef, gets to pay less child support Smile

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Wed, 09/23/2015 - 1:25pm

I have three adult kids - I know how teen aged boys and girls are - lol!!

Oh, no, he is not running the house. Far from it.

I completely ignore him Smile

DH completely ignores him.

Karate Kid and BabyVoice ignore him.

ASS has already been presented with the rules and what happens when he chooses to ignore them. That's why he has no electronics, no tv, no nothing. He knows what he has to do to get those things back, and he refuses to do them.

SS is running the house - LOL!!!

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Wed, 09/23/2015 - 1:58pm

Oh no no no - there will be no contract Smile

I am ASSuming (see what I did there?) that he wanted to take this with him tonight to discuss with DH.

It is funny, isn't it? Like we are just going to say, "oh, yeah, this looks good. Ok, we're in."

I swear to G-d, this kid is sooooooooooooooooooo full of himself.

oneoffour's picture

Submitted by oneoffour on Wed, 09/23/2015 - 5:27pm

1. No rules outside this contract shall be enforced
*Okey Dokey*
2. This contract is a voluntary agreement between two parties and can be opted out of, modified and added to.
*Sure, can that start... NOW?*
3. If either party fails to uphold their end of the contract, the family shall take voluntary actions to make right these wrongs, and use force as a last resort.
*I am not considered part of your family so these rules do not apply to me*

I require:
my desktop
I have a desk top.
*I presume you need the legs to go with that desk top? Or are you balancing this piece of fibreboard on your knees?*
my phone
*Sure, phone jack will be connected in your room and you can have your own landline. No long distance though*
internet/electricity/data/etc
*Considering the fact that these items cost money you will be charged the pro persona/ pro rata rate*

Parents require:
clean room once every 2 months (windows, dust, etc)
*Error: Every week. 53 times a year*
clean bathroom once ever (5 weeks) insert specifics
*Error: Every week.Replacing toilet paper and cleaning items like soap will be the responsibility of the main opccupant of the bathroom*
put dishes in dishwasher as long as the sign is correct (*we have one of those "clean/dirty" signs, but apparently actually looking in the dishwasher is just waaaaaay too much to expect of a 17 year old*)
*We will investigate making you an appointment to see an orthopedic specialist, neurologist and cognitive specialist because there must be something seriously medically wrong with you that you cannot open the door and work out if the dishes inside are clean and/or dirty*
come down to dinner when possible (not forced, schedules, friendly, no manners)
*We can feed you 'when possible'. If your attitude stinks and you are rude and insolent we may find feeding you... impossible*
clean up after yourself
*I love this one. This means every single time, right? You will never ever tell us again 'just a minute'...*

We both require:
to treat each other respectfully or otherwise *hard to read*
*Define - respectfully. Because that would most certianly mean not attempting to bully any adult in the house or use physical force.*
to not bother one another when busy
*Define - busy. Who determines what is 'busy'. Talking on your landline phone is not 'busy' Would the house being on fire be a good enough reason to interrupt your 'busy-ness'?*
if not in this contract - ask, not demand, and nicely
*Works for me. That would mean please, thank you and the acceptance of any decision made by either party without cursing, throwing things or demanding the use of household items.*

live and let live - list several specifics
*Sure. So living and let living means we can do whatever we wnat whenever we want without any consideration for your wants or needs. So spending all available money on a nice purse or a weekend away with your father rather than paying for a graduation event for oyu is OK. BEcause we are letting live?-