When I was 19 I met a man at work. We hit it off and began dating. 2 weeks later I was pregnant. I had been taking my birth control but apparently that did not matter. The man, we will call him Bobby (all names have been changed), already had a son he was 1.5 at the time. we made it through dating and he was a good father to his son, we will call him Jason, when he had him on the weekends. I thought everything would be fine. After my son was born things changed. Jason's mother had been in and out of the picture for as long as he had been alive and he lived with his maternal grandmother since he was born. When my son, Richard, was born Jason became jealous of the attention he was getting even though we did everything we possibly could to show him attention and make him feel included. when Richard began crawling he climbed on Jason's bed and I caught Jason holding a pillow over Richards face,Jason was 3, that was the only incident, for a while. Bobby and I got married in September of the following year. everything was okay and we were still getting Jason every weekend. In February of this year Bobby took full custody of Jason. He switched schools in the middle of his kindergarten year. His mother also left the state and has not been seen or heard from since. It was a big transition for him, but this is where the real problems start.

we knew with the big changes that there were bound to be some problems. We did everything we could to ease the transition for him. We still let him go to his maternal grandmothers every weekend, got him into a child psychologist, and tried to make it as comfortable for him as possible (bringing his favorite toys, etc.). He seemed to be fine at home. Him and his brother would fight but it didnt seem to be any worse then a normal sibling relationship. Then we began getting calls from the school. He was tipping over bookshelves, taking his clothes off, he even peed on the rug, he was lashing out, threatening violence, running through hallways, climbing on anything he could, and more. But he was fine at home.

We set up a 504 plan which involved him spending most of the day in a resource room due to the fact he couldnt be safe around the other kids.

Soon he began being destructive at home. He shared a room with my now 3 year old and they had bunk beds. He began picking at the ceiling and tearing it apart. he would break toys, hit, kick, he even broke a window.

We were able to purchase a bigger house and moved in June. He was his typical destructive self, but had not really been violent all summer. Once school started last week though he has been a different kid entirely.

The new school followed the same 504 with a few modifications. His old school used safety care (where they are able to gentle restrain a child when they are being harmful to themselves or others) often, while the new school doesnt believe in it except in dire circumstances. On Wednesday, the fifth day of school, he was sent home for the first time. his school goes in a big circle, he was running around and was unable to regain control of himself. He left the school at one point which forced them to call "officer friendly" from the high school to come over.

Today, which would be the seventh day of school he was sent home again. This time he was threatening to kill teachers, break their legs, make them bleed, and more. They were unable to keep him safe. When I showed up to pick him up he calmed down and wanted to remain at school but at that point it was too late. We left the school, and I had to bring him back to my work with me.

I work for a family business and am the only one in my office. I am able to bring my other two children 3 and 1 with me every day which can be a blessing and curse. When we returned to my office he refused to listen or do anything he was asked. I told him he needed to sit in timeout. This is where the major meltdown of the day started. At that point he tried to book it out of the only exit so i stood in front of the door to block access. I tried not to engage in things he was saying because that is what he wants. He climbed on my desk and threatened to break everything on it, break the desk, break the chairs. Then he threatened to jump of the desk and kill himself. It continued with him threatening to throw me, chairs, etc. out the window. Meanwhile all of this was taking place with my 3 and 1 year olds witnessing. He then stood on the desk and stood on my laptop and stomped on it. I stood at the door and let him continue. We have found that if you touch, talk, engage in anyway it escalates worse. My three year old saw him standing on the desk and tried to join him. He didnt understand why i took him down and not my step son. He kept sputtering threats and this is where i have major issues. He threatened to jump on my 1 year olds neck to break it and kill him. He threatened to push my three year old down the stairs at home, he threatened to burn our house down and grabbed a lighter i had there that i had forgotten about and showed me he knew how to work it. He said he was going to put stuff in mine and his father mouth while we are sleeping so we choke and die.

This kid is six.

The worse thing he watches at our house is bubble guppies or wallykazam. My kids dont watch anything that isnt in some way educational. Where the H*** is he learning this crap?

My major concern is that most of these things are extremely plausible. "falling" or jumping on a crawling one year old, easy enough. Pushing my 3 year old down the stairs, easy when all the bedrooms are upstairs.

My husband and I have been on rocky terms for a long time because of these issues. When I discipline, he doesnt enforce it so my step son doesnt feel like he has to listen to me, yet im the one that does most of the raising of all three of my kids.

I get up in the morning, get all three dressed and ready to go. Make sure step sons back pack is ready, hes brushed his teeth and that he has been fed. I make sure to get him to school on time in the morning. I bring him to any dentist/doctors appointments. at night I bathe, feed, and put them all to bed. While my husband is too preoccupied with whatever he is doing to bother to help me. I work full time and bring my 2 kids to work with me Every. Single. Day.

I do the launrdy, wash, dry, fold, and put away
I do the dishes.
I pay the bills.
My husband work for a friend under the table and most of the time I have to force him to give me any money to put towards bills.

As I have said, we have been on the outs for a while.

the only reason I have stayed is 1) for the kids 2) i have no idea where I would go and 3) im afraid of what I will lose in a divorce and lastly I really dont want to be alone.

Some how he always convinces me that I have to stay, like I have no choice. He guilt's me.

Its awful

But when does the safety of my children become a concern? do I need to take these threats seriously? do I take them as a 6 year old running his mouth because he didnt get his way? do I take my kids and leave right away? do i wait and see how things play out?

we are starting the process to get him diagnosed with ADHD, Opposite defiant, etc. because that is a concern from his teachers.

Im so torn.

UGH..

Im tired of this crap.