Damned if I do, damned if I dont
Hi, does anyone just not want to be arounf their stepkids? Probably a silly question here but I need to know I am "normal" and not evil. DH likes to paint me as a horrible bitch when my bio kids and I dont want to be around SD16. There is a long history to that, one that involves a crazy BM, DH being disney dad and the occcasional police visit when BM wanted to make a scene - never any abuse, ever. DH and SD have had a horrible time being close, PAS all the way. Now SD is spending more time with him, my kids and I just leave them alone. DH wants to force this happy family thing on everyone but no one, including me, is interested. To us being around SD means we have to walk on eggshells and worry that her crazy mom will show back up to make a scene over nothing. SD, when made to feel (or makes up a reason) to be uncomfortable will call her mom, mom shows up, etc. my kids are over it too. Now that hasnt happened in a long time - mostly because SD wouldnt come over, but I dont want to risk it. I honestly don't see whats in it for me.
DH swears he and SD have changed. Evidenced by the shopping list he offered to create me with foods that SD will eat? The fact that when she was here and we had company she didnt like what we were eating and he allowed her to go forage in the kitchen for food. Um, no. That shows she is still rude and spoiled and he expects me to accomodate this. Not going to do it. Or by the fact that she cant find a way to even say hello to people or answer questions or engage in conversation? Because you know, thats fun.
Now when DH sees SD for their dinner during the week, he wants me and my kids to go. We say no. Its actually the time I get to be alone with my kids, and also just no. I got him and SD tickets to an amusement park for fathers day, he is now pressuring me and my kids to go with them. No. None of us think thats a good time. Even my kids who love the amusement park. So DH yells at me that i'm not letting the family happen, I just avoid her, etc. quite frankly this kid is so awkward to be around she doesnt even have friends!
I just dont understand. I thought most guys were pissed that they didnt get time alone with their kids (this has been his complain in the past - SD was uncomfortable). Being around and engaging with SD has way to much risk, for me and my kids and I just cant see a gain. Anyone?
*please forgive typos I am on my phone.
- Lovethyme's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
First my condolences for your
First my condolences for your SGS.
Second you might want to be careful about zoning out...they're gonna think you're losing your mental faculties.
I think most of the people on
I think most of the people on here feel the same way.
It's all sunshine and glittery unicorn farts if I help with anything with the skids. It's all storm clouds and ice storms if I question anything. I like my skids but they are kids/teens, just like my kid is a kid/teen. They do dumb/annoying/blatant stuff and should be called out. But sometimes I dread them being around and a little of the time after they leave because there may be an issue and needs to be addressed...and either DH will excuse it or will sigh and argue about addressing it. But if my son does it and I go to excuse it? He's upset. If I ever see anything that could be pinned on BS and I know he didn't do it, I make sure to point it out to DH and drop a comment to somehow make sure BS doesn't get the blame.
Red, this is so honest and
Red, this is so honest and true. Maybe you could save it and someday make your DH read it?
We shoukd share a bottle of
We shoukd share a bottle of wine LOL!
Totally normal. Hell, mine
Totally normal. Hell, mine don't live here anymore, and the three or four family get togethers each year is still WAY too frequent to be within the same kilometre radius than I'd like.
Before they left, I used to go out of my way to be far far away from them. Once they hit a certain point (both times at age 15) it was excruciating to be near them. And these aren't even "bad" kids, and certainly not bad by the standards on this forum. Just PAS'd out, lazy, passive aggressive skids. It was the passive aggressive-ness, I think, that just put me over the edge. I could not take the moping from SD, and the lies from SS anymore. Couldn't even look at them at the end.
Oh hell, I didn't read last
Oh hell, I didn't read last your opening and I can answer. You are perfectly normal not wanting to be around your skids. I don't spend a minute more than I have to with skid. Why would I? It's not my child and I don't enjoy his company.
Not evil at all. Look at SD
Not evil at all. Look at SD as if she were an acquaintance. Is she someone you want to spend time with? Not really? Then don't. Dh has to loose the Brady bunch idea. He needs to embrace more an Addams family feel, independent people living in a foreign context.
I have 2 skids...SS11 and
I have 2 skids...SS11 and SD9. SS11 is fine. He is pretty quiet, has a decent sense of humor, doesn't whine, doesn't demand attention, doesn't fake illness, etc. SD9 is my nemesis. She interrupts conversations, wakes us up in the middle of the night because "she is scared", and in general is a manipulative brat. Both kids do the normal kid stuff like not having spotless rooms and such, which I can tolerate fine. I have tried to like SD, but it's been 3.5 years now, and she still makes me want to hide out in my mom-space.