Before I lose it.....
Hey Everyone!
Before I lose my ever-loving mind.... I really need someone to talk me off this ledge... it is a long story, but I seriously need some outside perspective.
In a nutshell.... my darling boyfriend and I are very happy and content in our relationship. He has a 14 year old son from a previous marriage who we see every other weekend. He is hormonal of course, but alright to deal with. His mom is the least of my problems, but yes a complete dumb ass.
We have full placement of his 14 month son. I have had the baby in my life since he was born. His mother had a the grand idea to tell my other half that she couldn't get pregnant when they were first dating. He was unaware that she has compulsive lying issues, as well as a major alcohol problem. Needless to say... after the baby was born she even said "i got what i wanted." Well her plan backfired and she ended up losing her job as a nurse in December, and he didn't want her. So, here I am with a boyfriend who is a major pushover and consistently engages in fights with her over how she doesn't want me around her son (that she only sees every other weekend due to a court order cause shes a drunk and a hazard to the child), yet I live with him, take care of him when he is sick.... DO EVERYTHING!! He thinks I am his mom and has been calling me mom since he was 8 months old.
When he comes home from her house on the weekends she has him, he always has some sort of illness and is a crazy untamed beast. So, here we go to the Doctor... every other monday for some sort of respiratory malfunction. She's the least bit hygienic, smokes outside and in the car, but supposedly when hes not in it. She is constantly saying very crude things about me "if she wants kids, then she should have her own" ... you know things like that. It's rediculus. I am raising your child!!! Do you have to be such an ungrateful wench?! If he is sick on "her time" he comes back to us as well.... and yours truly takes care of him. She is also supposed to be pay for partial things like: daycare, health insrance costs, in lieu of child support. We did her a favor, it is cheaper for her to do that then pay the support through the state.
I am so over him being nice to her as well. She will call and just start shooing off at the mouth and he will listen to her. Dude hang up the phone! you dont have to listen!
Also,
I used to want my own baby with him... well my desire has gone down the tubes in light of our toddlers behavior. I don't think i can deal with another kid again. I feel like i am going to explode. Being a step figure is just not a walk in the park.
Anyway---
I will end my rant here.
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"I used to want my own baby
"I used to want my own baby with him... well my desire has gone down the tubes in light of our toddlers behavior."
I'm sorry, but from what you wrote, the BM is the problem and not the toddler; or is it?
alright guys.... Update time.
alright guys.... Update time. We are married now. I still feel like I'm going to lose it. I hate pretty
Much all children now. We still have him full time and my husband and the incubator who sees him every other weekend have joint custody. I hate this and wish that we had at least 50/50 placement. I'm so afraid this will ruin us. This toddler gives me terrible anxiety. I dread him coming home from daycare everyday. I especially hate having to pick him up and listen to his screaming!! And yes he does to daycare thank god! But when he's sick and can't go to daycare, I get the beast! I used to be a happy person. The only way I'm ever happy is when he goes to his biological nest egg every other weekend or I'm on Ativan.
Sometimes I feel like I regret things, but regret is a strong word. How about, I wish a condom had been worn? Hmmm possibly too harsh.
Someone had mentioned something about him calling me mom..... Sure does! Because I've had him since he was an infant. I've tried correcting it and have had no luck. So here I sit locked in my room with the dog on my lap because I cannot stand this kid.
I am half tempted to beg for him to give her half time placement. I just can't do this anymore! I hate it! She got damn pregnant on purpose in the first place! Said she had her tubes tied..... Then found out she's a total drunk and wanted to dump her so she said ... Well I got what I wanted out of you anyway. Her being a drunk is why she doesn't have him full time. Ugh!!! I didn't do this!! I stepped up to the mommy plate because I had to. I don't want it! I'll be checking this daily now.... Thank you for the support everyone!
Well.... I know everyone here
Well.... I know everyone here says they hate hearing "But you knew what you were getting into"... but let's be honest here.... You actually DID.
You've raised his child since he was an infant. If the dealio wasn't working out BEFORE you got married, and you didn't like having to raise his Skid BEFORE you got married, WHY DID YOU GET MARRIED?????
I don't really know what to
I don't really know what to say. Everything I say, I truly say with kindness so please do not misunderstand. There was a poster once before who had a story along the same lines, where she wished desperately to send the child to the unfit biological mother at least 50% of the time because she hated the child so much. I just can't imagine how you could hate a toddler so much? That you would prefer that child be with someone who has been declared unfit? It really seems like your hatred has been projected onto this toddler who can't possibly know any better and who is with you and your DH 85% of his life.
I honestly have to say, that if you truly feel that much hatred for a 14-month-old child, why are you in this relationship? That child isn't going away. No amount of wishing will make that happen. I encourage you to consider just how committed you are to your relationship. For your sake and this baby's.
(And, I know this child is far too young for you to be able to fully appreciate this, but you have no idea what a gift it is that you have 85% of the influence on this child. Even after deducting what I like to call the "BM handicap" of umbilical influence, you might have an edge here. Those of us who have 50/50 or less with our skids? We don't stand a chance at influencing the skids. If you stay, and if this child ends up 50-50 with your spouse and his biological mother, your situation will be so much worse than you can ever imagine, not better.)