What a day!
It's been a weird one in stepland today. I took off work because SD18's graduation was this afternoon.
The day started off with DH showing me a picture that BM had posted on FB - of the two of them at BM's senior prom, 20 some odd years ago. I wasn't pissed, more like, "Uhh... why'd she post that? Weird." DH seemed more pissed off, actually. Then SD18 came over. DH had gotten her a phone for graduation, they were going to the carrier to get it turned on. SD18 (married to the abusive loser she had a kid with) tried to call her while she was in the process of getting stuff from her old phone moved to her new phone (so obviously she couldn't answer). When she didn't answer, he just KEPT calling. The guy working on the phone finally told her he couldn't transfer anything, it was taking too long because he kept having to start over. Even when SD told him to quit, he just kept calling.
He called again (well, several times actually) once they got back from the store. Culminating in him telling her she "better get [her] ass home. NOW." *sigh* She left.
Anyway, then we went to graduation. We sat with BM, her DH, and the other 2 SDs. We have a civil relationship, so it was fine. 
And I'd forgotten all about the picture from FB! Then BM pulled me aside and apologized for posting the picture! She said she wanted to show the girls what their parents looked like at that age, and it only occurred to her afterwards that I might be bothered. I told her not to worry, it was fine. Still, I was a bit impressed that she apologized.
SD18's H (and his bitch of a mother) also showed up to grad. The stood 5 feet away from us and refused to acknowledge us. Which was FINE by me. I do not hate many people but GOOD GOD - both of them are worthless wastes of perfectly good skin and the world would be a better place (and my step-granddaughter would have a better life) if a plane smushed them into pancakes. Assholes.
If you read my previous blog, you know DH and I also brought our 3 kids ages 6 and under. It went about as I expected. BS6 ran off and found some kids to play with (there were TONS of kids there). BS2 and BD2 were D.O.N.E looooooong before it was over. I bribed them with animal crackers and juice boxes and we got through it. I was pretty happy to leave though.
All in all, not a bad day.
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Comments
How does BM feel about her
How does BM feel about her daughter being married to the loser? Is there a way you can team up with her to 'save' her? I would let anything slide to save a child of mine form a life with such and abusive piece of poo.
BM hates him too. She's
BM hates him too. She's civil so she can see her granddaughter. And yes, SD's H has always been a huge control freak asshole. I HATED the way he treated her when they were dating. Unfortunately, telling a teenager "you can't see him any more" is pretty much a sure fire way to ensure they continue to see each other. And he's actually pretty good at convincing SD that he acts like this because he "loves her so much". :sick:
As for getting married, it was a huge cluster fuck at the time. SD had been living with BM, said she wanted to come live with us. Like 5 minutes later she gets pregnant. BM says "if you move back in with me I'll let your BF live with us", so off she goes. 4 months after that, BM has a HUGE fight with SD and kicks both of them out of the house. They move in with her BF's family... and there was nothing DH and I could do. She was almost 18. She married him shortly after her 18th birthday - none of us were invited to the "wedding".
I've asked here before, and the general consensus is that she has to realize on her own what a dick he is. I can't "save" her - no one can, she has to save herself. The only thing we can do is stick around, show her that we're here for her, so that when she IS ready to dump his ass we can help her get away.
It's so hard watching SD and
It's so hard watching SD and seeing the road she has chosen. YSD is also married to control guy. She's so determined not to "have her children come from a broken home" that she has let her H remove all her friends and most family from her life. Her H has documented psychiatric problems that she glosses over and refuses to recognize.
They have been to multiple marriage counselors and this time it is always going to work. This time they have found the counsellor who is going to help.
A couple of years ago she did leave him. But, within six months they were back together and he was seeing the greatest counsellor who finally had gotten to the cause of his problem (SD said).
We have made it clear that we are here for her and the kids. But she stays. My biggest fear is that he will injure her or one of the kids. We know that he has put a hole in the wall, injured his hand when he dented the refrigerator, broken a chair, broken a glass table, banged his fist into and dented both his car and her car, and broken a kitchen drawer. I am sure we do not know all. We fear that her or one of the children will be next.
And there is nothing we can do. Nothing you can do.