*edit to add: he said he wants to send this not only to BM and SS 16, but also to BM's common law husband, my husband's siblings and his mother so that the story is out in full. Your thought are welcome.

To BM and SS16,

I need to tell you both these simple life truths. Son, when you were caught lying on numerous occasions, did we turn you away and send you back to your mothers? No! We showed you there were consequences to your actions and tried to set you on the right path. We kept track of you because we care and want the best for you. We didn't keep on you about homework and responsibility because we don't care about you, it's because we do. And you proved us absolutely right to stay on you because your marks suddenly went up. Your job right now is to do your best in school, to be the best contributing human being you can, and have fun while doing it. Instead you run away when life is slightly uncomfortable.

You listed invasion of your privacy, too early a curfew and Sparklelady being too strict about your cleaning duties as your great complaints and reason for leaving. Really, that's what you call grievances? That's what makes you decide to throw in the towel? You think you don't have to tell us the truth, we shouldn't expect you home at a reasonable time, and you shouldn't have to clean the bathroom once a week? You will come across far greater difficulties than these with people throughout your life in work, play and friends, and if you plan on giving up at the first taste of "I don't like it" you're going to have a very difficult life. You said you tried to talk to us about your issues, but that's not true. You certainly never reached out and asked for a sit down conversation. If things were so bad you should have asked to sit down with us and talk about your problems together, not take what you thought the easier road would be. (It won't be an easier road, by the way. Learning to try and resolve your problems will get you much further in life than giving up, we really wanted better for you.)

BM, the fact that you didn't encourage him to try and resolve these issues before leaving, was a huge disservice to our son. This will not help him to be a better person, this will not help him learn. This path has him losing out on so much, and what you've had him give up will far outweigh the short term benefit you think you've given him. Your personal insecurities do nothing to help our son. You seem to want him to fail by turning a blind eye to what he is doing. And then when these things are brought to your attention, you either hide them from me (you knew he was failing several weeks before I found out and called YOU about it) or you turn it around and make it a tool for him to run to your open arms instead of actually being a parent and making him take his lumps. And plotting with him behind my back, BM? Really? That's some terrific parenting you're demonstrating. Good thing we have the messages or I'm sure you'd try to lie your way out of that too.

Son, you can hide behind any excuses you like. You know you were wrong. You know this is on you, but it's easier to blame everybody else. I promise you you'll get nowhere in life adopting this approach. If you want to be treated as a respected young adult, then act like one. You don't go telling lies about me and Sparklelady to make yourself sound cool to others. People are telling us what you've been saying now you're out of the house. What do you think that does to your credibility? Do you want to be known as a liar?

You are a 16 year old boy. You have every right to expect us to knock before entering your room. You have no right, none, to expect we will not monitor what you are up to. And if you weren't up to anything, well then buddy, none of this would have happened. The worst of it is, I defended you and your behaviour over and over. And you proved me wrong over and over. You want trust? Then earn it. You seem to want all the rewards for none of the work. That is not real life.

You have been given every opportunity and privilege and you blew them all. For what? Because you don't want to be responsible and do your work? Clean the bathroom? Tell the truth? You CHOSE to lie to me. Right to my face. Nobody made you. That's all on you. We have always cared about your well being and wanted what's best for you, we're not out to get you and make your life miserable. It'd be a lot easier to parent if we just didn't care and only took the good and not bothered to deal with the bad and uncomfortable. But that is NOT parenting at all. That's laziness and selfishness.