Yeah, that's a HELL NO

Preface: I find this more funny than worrying - primarily because of DH's reaction.

So SD24 and her DH came over this past weekend. They wanted our opinion on whether or not to adopt a special needs child. (Backstory - her DH can't have biological kids of his own. They're looking into IVF and donor sperm, but they don't have the money right now. Also important to note is that SD and her DH, as well as another couple, share a house with BM right now.) Anyway, DH and I basically said, "Look, we want to make sure you've considered this fully. Here's some things to think about. But we'll support your decision whatever it is."

Just before they left, DH was outside with SD, and SD's DH threw this at me. "So, if we adopt this child we don't want to live with BM with the baby. We were hoping we could live here until we find another place."

:jawdrop:

Uhhhhh.... let me talk to DH.

After they were gone, I told DH (with no "tone" *lol*) what SD's DH had said. DH looked gobsmacked for a minute and then said, "Well no wonder they asked YOU. I would have just told him HELL NO!"

Whew! We did "discuss" it a little and both agreed that it is a Horrible No Good Very Bad Idea. Thank. GOD.

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I'm not sure how special

I'm not sure how special needs this child is, but they have no business adopting any child, especially one with special needs (and costs) if they can't even afford a home to live in.

What in the hell is wrong

What in the hell is wrong with these people? Why would they even be considering adopting ANY child when they cannot take care of themselves?

And what would make them think you would want them and a baby moving in with you?

My SD once asked if her, her husband, and their 2 kids could "stay" with us. They were staying with BM and her husband but didn't like their rules. Really? Then be adults and get your own place.

That situation is actually what lead me to this site. We told her no, but for some reason, I felt a tad bit guilty. That did not last long!

lol Yup, the cost was one

Yup, the cost was one of the things we told them to think about!! I'm not entirely sure how "special needs" the child will be either - the baby actually hasn't been born yet, so we'll see. Prenatal tests can tell some things, but usually don't give a "whole picture", you know? Another thing I told SD in particular to think about is that a kid with special needs requires a LOT of extra time and money, and she might have to give up on the idea of having her own biological child entirely.

There are other issues with the adoption I won't get into here, but suffice it to say DH and I feel it would be a mistake to adopt this particular child. (Not just because the two of them are completely unable - financially or emotionally - at this point to be able to take care of a special needs child, but that's certainly part of it!)

Good grief... I hope that

Good grief... I hope that there is not an agency out there taking these people seriously???? If you can't afford/manage a home or even apartment of your own, then you have no business adopting ANY child much less a special needs for the love of Pete.....

I honestly have no idea how

I honestly have no idea how this works. As anotherstep sussed out, this is more a "private adoption". But surely SOMEONE has to approve them as adopted parents??? The BM can't just give her child to ANYONE, right?

Right, even in a private

Right, even in a private adoption, state laws have to be followed, which usually include a home study. However, if it is within family, there may be exceptions.

God knows, it's all sort of a

God knows, it's all sort of a cluster and I'm convinced that SD (much less ME!) is not getting the whole story. I strongly suspect this adoption won't happen - although if it does, I KNOW it's going to be completely fucked up. *sigh*

I GET that she wants a child. I KNOW how hard it is to want a baby and not be able to have one. I'm honestly thinking maybe I should just pay for the IVF for her to discourage this adoption though. It's like a grand, which would HURT, but it's doable. On the other hand, as others have pointed out, they really have no business trying to have a child when they are still so dependent on parents!

Insurance will cover most of

Insurance will cover most of it, thank god! That's the bit that's not covered, I think to "buy" the sperm.

Yeah, but.... lol There's

Yeah, but.... There's always a "but"! If SD doesn't take the baby, the baby will be placed in foster until she can be adopted. Maybe the baby would be better off, but maybe not too. As long as it doesn't affect me (like them living with us!) then I really don't feel I should step in and decide for them, you know? Offer my opinion, advice, hell! Even money for the IVF. But not actually take the decision away from them.

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