My SO makes extra money on the side doing skateboard raffles. He actually has been doing pretty well with it and skateboarding is something he is passionate about. So, it's something he really enjoys doing and it takes up a lot of his time.
I have been helping SO film the raffles and helping him package and ship the boards.
This past weekend, he told SS he would let him raffle a board....Really SO raffled and kept SS updated on the spots purchased.
Then SS, SD and SO filmed the raffle and SO told SS that he was giving him $60.
This is bothering me for two reasons.
First, I know that selling skateboards is SO's thing, but we have been doing it together. It has been fun.
I feel like SO and I have nothing that is for us as a couple. We had the raffle thing but he had to bring his kids into it. We had Horror Nights but he had to bring EXSD one year and plans to bring SD this year. I would like to have just one thing that is ours. That we just do together and I don't have to have EXSkids or current Skids involved. Is one thing too much to ask from someone with Bio's?
The second thing that bothered me was the money. I have been telling SO how broke I have been for over two months now. Between the trip to Disney (that I asked him to cancel) and my car breaking down plus all my usual bills, I've been struggling. He did give me some money after the Disney trip but it went to groceries. It's not like I ever buy myself anything. All my money goes to bills and food.
When I told SO that it was crazy to give a 9yr $60 when we need the money for household items. He got super pissed at me. Saying that it's not his fault I can't pay my bills and he has enough people in his wallet.
I feel that if we are engaged to be married that we should be helping each other out. If I was blowing money on getting my hair done and buying clothes and crap, I could see him getting upset. But I don't. Part of the reason I'm broke is because I'm the only one buying food. Well, that's stopping now
Also, he has a lot of things that need attention.
His truck needs the front end fixed. He bought the parts but hasn't taken it into the repair shop.
His truck needs four new tires BAD and he doesn't have a spare
The new boat needs tons of work...Maybe even a new motor
He has an item on is credit report that needs to be paid off if we are ever going to buy a house together
And that's just off the top of my head. He says I'm being controlling but I just don't think SS needs $60. He gets an allowance at our house and BM's house. He's only 9. Maybe give him $10 for the fun but $60 is just crazy to me.
Am I being out of line? Do I have the right to ask for something that is just ours without kids involved. And as an engaged couple that has been living together for many year now, should we be supporting each other when things get tight financially or should it be every man for himself because we have separate finances?
I think with kids there isn't ever anything that is just "ours". Steps or Bios. I find that sometimes DH and I have "our thing", but since we have kids, sometimes they have to share in on those moments from time to time.
I guess when it comes to kids, sex/intimacy is the only thing that can be just a couples. LOL.
As far as the money. Are you more annoyed with SS getting that money because you are so broke right now? What were the expectations for the 9 year old to do to earn money? Even if you feel that he didnt deserve it, maybe your SO had different ideas of what SS needs to do to earn the money.
Do you ask your SO for money often? Or do you make hints about being broke and wishing you had more money? I would think that he would WANT to give you some money.
I spent $600 at Disney and then $400 a few days later when my car broke down. I told him that I was broke because of these two things and he transferred $300 to my account without telling me. Well that was mostly spent on groceries and gas for the car that we both use to go back and forth to work.
I don't know where the "can't pay your bills" came from. All my bills were/are paid, but my cushion is gone until I can get it built back up.
When I told SO that it was crazy to give a 9yr $60 when we need the money for household items. He got super pissed at me. Saying that it's not his fault I can't pay my bills and he has enough people in his wallet.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Oh my! You have way larger issues than him giving SS 60 dollars hun or you all not having a "together" things.
You are not married right? Maybe that is why he is such a jerk about money....? I am grasping I know.
I guess it feels like we don't need anything that is just ours because we have Monday - Thursday with the Skids. We don't do anything except go to work and watch TV together but I guess that's what he's talking about.
No, you are NOT being unreasonable. That is one of the things I discussed in my book... the fact that every little game DH and I played as a couple, SD13 wanted to horn in on and take over. For instance, I was DH's "beer fetcher" and it was very public. I would say things on Facebook like, "WE built a fence today! He was the digger of the post holes, the nailer of the nails, etc., and I was the holder of the tools and the FETCHER OF THE BEER!" And then he would reply and say, "Baby, you're the best beer fetcher I've ever had..." It was OUR game.
Then SD decided she wanted to fetch beer for daddyyyyy. He has never allowed it before, but she begged and pleaded and insisted she was old enough until he finally let her get him a beer. Then SHE was the new Beer Fetcher.
I was pissed and made no secret of it to DH. He seriously, severely regretted EVER letting her try to take my place as the Beer Fetcher, since this beer fetcher actually brought home the beer, kept it on ice, etc. He apologized and re-apologized and so on but went without a good beer fetcher for quite some time.
Now guess who is the Royal Beer Fetcher and it is a well known fact around here??? Uh huh... it's Katie Lee. DH is very careful to protect that game now.
You gotta teach that man that it is to HIS advantage to keep some things for just the two of you. Don't let worries of being "petty" hold you back. If it bothers you, it's not petty. If he thinks it's petty, make him suffer for it lol.
My SO has very rough feet. I have bought a few things to "sand" down the rough area's. He would lay on the couch with his feet in my lap and I would take care of his feet. Then he started letting SD do it. Well, as a little girl, she couldn't do it right and then decided it was too gross.
Guess who hardly ever gets his feet taken care of now. Too bad or him. May sound gross but it was our bonding time and he gave it away to SD.
Next time he hints around and says "My feet are sooo rough... poor poor me...blah, blah, blah..."
Say, "Well, you were the one who hired a new Foot Fixer. I knew you were making a mistake since I am the best Foot Fixer in this house, but hey...your choice. Sorry..."
He has always been very generous buying me gifts and taking turns paying for dinners out and extras like that. But the last couple of months when that I have expressed to him that I am in a financial pinch (first time since we started dating) he seems to be upset by it. He did give me $300 but has been throwing it in my face everyday. I'm at the point that I just want to give the money back even though I would have to do it in installments.
I carve stuff out to be 'just us' stuff. We both have kids and I do try and make 'happy family traditions' and crap but some stuff I just refuse to share with the skids or my kids.
I bought Superfight which is a card game. It is fun and I keep it hidden away so only we can play. DH doesn't know where it is at so he can't forget or want to play with the kids because 'its only a card game'.
We also have date night. Once a week DH and I go out. Dinner for sure and then at least one hour away from the house. What we do depends on the amount of money but even just swinging at the park is fun. Firm rule that no house and no family can be discussed. And phones are on vibrate. We only respond if there is a broken bone or fire.
I think you have to have something together just for the two of you. All of this 'all about the kids 24/7' is an American made idea. The rest of the world does not make their children the center of everything
If a woman or a man is lucky enough to find someone without kids then they need to understand that the person they are with will want/need activities without children involved. More than likely the person chose not to have kids, with reason. If they are with someone else that has kids then that person is just as screwed as they are and there will probably be nothings that kids aren't involved in.
Why would you allow a boat purchase on a fixer upper boat when you are already having money issues and so is he?
If what is his is his and what's yours is his too now, how will this evolve once you're married? I don't have much advice but want to add that I am picking up financial slack to relieve H from the exhaustion of cs and bills he had from before or life together. In finding myself resentful about it. Make sure you don't get married because someone needs your help!
In my mind you cannot have separate finances and then complain about what gets paid for after the basics of food, home and utilities are paid for between the two of you. If you two have agreed to have separate finances he is not obligated to provide you with money just because you make vague noises about being broke and struggling with finances right now. If you are struggling for money then by all means ask your fiance for a loan. If you're not happy with how your household bills and expenses are split right now then you two need to sit down and renegotiate them.
Do you want to have joint finances after you get married? If the answer is yes then my answers would be slightly different because you two should be working towards having knowledge of each others financial statuses and attitudes so that you two can start to see how you can work together.
As for the special time, if he is unwilling to see it as necessary to keep something between you two, you just have to move it to being something that is inappropriate for him to share with his kid. 18+ rated movies, reading erotica to each other, wine/whiskey tasting, testing sex toys, reviewing bad porn, cocktail making contests...you get the picture.
Comments
My SO makes extra money on
My SO makes extra money on the side doing skateboard raffles. He actually has been doing pretty well with it and skateboarding is something he is passionate about. So, it's something he really enjoys doing and it takes up a lot of his time.
I have been helping SO film the raffles and helping him package and ship the boards.
This past weekend, he told SS he would let him raffle a board....Really SO raffled and kept SS updated on the spots purchased.
Then SS, SD and SO filmed the raffle and SO told SS that he was giving him $60.
This is bothering me for two reasons.
First, I know that selling skateboards is SO's thing, but we have been doing it together. It has been fun.
I feel like SO and I have nothing that is for us as a couple. We had the raffle thing but he had to bring his kids into it. We had Horror Nights but he had to bring EXSD one year and plans to bring SD this year. I would like to have just one thing that is ours. That we just do together and I don't have to have EXSkids or current Skids involved. Is one thing too much to ask from someone with Bio's?
The second thing that bothered me was the money. I have been telling SO how broke I have been for over two months now. Between the trip to Disney (that I asked him to cancel) and my car breaking down plus all my usual bills, I've been struggling. He did give me some money after the Disney trip but it went to groceries. It's not like I ever buy myself anything. All my money goes to bills and food.
When I told SO that it was crazy to give a 9yr $60 when we need the money for household items. He got super pissed at me. Saying that it's not his fault I can't pay my bills and he has enough people in his wallet.
I feel that if we are engaged to be married that we should be helping each other out. If I was blowing money on getting my hair done and buying clothes and crap, I could see him getting upset. But I don't. Part of the reason I'm broke is because I'm the only one buying food. Well, that's stopping now
Also, he has a lot of things that need attention.
His truck needs the front end fixed. He bought the parts but hasn't taken it into the repair shop.
His truck needs four new tires BAD and he doesn't have a spare
The new boat needs tons of work...Maybe even a new motor
He has an item on is credit report that needs to be paid off if we are ever going to buy a house together
And that's just off the top of my head. He says I'm being controlling but I just don't think SS needs $60. He gets an allowance at our house and BM's house. He's only 9. Maybe give him $10 for the fun but $60 is just crazy to me.
Am I being out of line? Do I have the right to ask for something that is just ours without kids involved. And as an engaged couple that has been living together for many year now, should we be supporting each other when things get tight financially or should it be every man for himself because we have separate finances?
I financed the boat.
I financed the boat.
It's in my name. We only got
It's in my name. We only got it a few months ago so only one payment has been made and it was by him.
If we split, I will take possession of the boat and just sell it.
Good idea. SO and Skids love
Good idea. SO and Skids love cookies, cakes, brownies. I barely touch the stuff. No more treats. It's too expensive. He can buy that stuff now.
I think with kids there isn't
I think with kids there isn't ever anything that is just "ours". Steps or Bios. I find that sometimes DH and I have "our thing", but since we have kids, sometimes they have to share in on those moments from time to time.
I guess when it comes to kids, sex/intimacy is the only thing that can be just a couples. LOL.
As far as the money. Are you more annoyed with SS getting that money because you are so broke right now? What were the expectations for the 9 year old to do to earn money? Even if you feel that he didnt deserve it, maybe your SO had different ideas of what SS needs to do to earn the money.
Do you ask your SO for money often? Or do you make hints about being broke and wishing you had more money? I would think that he would WANT to give you some money.
I have never asked SO for
I have never asked SO for money.
I spent $600 at Disney and then $400 a few days later when my car broke down. I told him that I was broke because of these two things and he transferred $300 to my account without telling me. Well that was mostly spent on groceries and gas for the car that we both use to go back and forth to work.
I don't know where the "can't pay your bills" came from. All my bills were/are paid, but my cushion is gone until I can get it built back up.
We work on the same AF Base
We work on the same AF Base and drive together
When I told SO that it was
When I told SO that it was crazy to give a 9yr $60 when we need the money for household items. He got super pissed at me. Saying that it's not his fault I can't pay my bills and he has enough people in his wallet.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Oh my! You have way larger issues than him giving SS 60 dollars hun or you all not having a "together" things.
You are not married right? Maybe that is why he is such a jerk about money....? I am grasping I know.
He got super pissed at me.
He got super pissed at me. Saying that it's not his fault I can't pay my bills and he has enough people in his wallet.
Really? You are just another person in his wallet? Message received.
You guys really need to do some communicating regarding finances.
About the having just one thing that is yours, without any kids, have you came out and told him that? It's not an unreasonable request.
I have brought it up in the
I have brought it up in the past and he always dismissed it. I didn't bring it up this weekend because I already know how he feels about it.
And he feels, what? That it's
And he feels, what? That it's unnecessary?
I guess it feels like we
I guess it feels like we don't need anything that is just ours because we have Monday - Thursday with the Skids. We don't do anything except go to work and watch TV together but I guess that's what he's talking about.
No, you are NOT being
No, you are NOT being unreasonable. That is one of the things I discussed in my book... the fact that every little game DH and I played as a couple, SD13 wanted to horn in on and take over. For instance, I was DH's "beer fetcher" and it was very public. I would say things on Facebook like, "WE built a fence today! He was the digger of the post holes, the nailer of the nails, etc., and I was the holder of the tools and the FETCHER OF THE BEER!" And then he would reply and say, "Baby, you're the best beer fetcher I've ever had..." It was OUR game.
Then SD decided she wanted to fetch beer for daddyyyyy. He has never allowed it before, but she begged and pleaded and insisted she was old enough until he finally let her get him a beer. Then SHE was the new Beer Fetcher.
I was pissed and made no secret of it to DH. He seriously, severely regretted EVER letting her try to take my place as the Beer Fetcher, since this beer fetcher actually brought home the beer, kept it on ice, etc. He apologized and re-apologized and so on but went without a good beer fetcher for quite some time.
Now guess who is the Royal Beer Fetcher and it is a well known fact around here??? Uh huh... it's Katie Lee. DH is very careful to protect that game now.
You gotta teach that man that it is to HIS advantage to keep some things for just the two of you. Don't let worries of being "petty" hold you back. If it bothers you, it's not petty. If he thinks it's petty, make him suffer for it lol.
That's a good example of how
That's a good example of how I'm feeling.
My SO has very rough feet. I have bought a few things to "sand" down the rough area's. He would lay on the couch with his feet in my lap and I would take care of his feet. Then he started letting SD do it. Well, as a little girl, she couldn't do it right and then decided it was too gross.
Guess who hardly ever gets his feet taken care of now. Too bad or him. May sound gross but it was our bonding time and he gave it away to SD.
I'd make him aware of why he
I'd make him aware of why he lost his Foot Fixer!
Next time he hints around and says "My feet are sooo rough... poor poor me...blah, blah, blah..."
Say, "Well, you were the one who hired a new Foot Fixer. I knew you were making a mistake since I am the best Foot Fixer in this house, but hey...your choice. Sorry..."
MAKE HIM REGRET IT. That's they key.
I don't know what to think
I don't know what to think about the situation.
He has always been very generous buying me gifts and taking turns paying for dinners out and extras like that. But the last couple of months when that I have expressed to him that I am in a financial pinch (first time since we started dating) he seems to be upset by it. He did give me $300 but has been throwing it in my face everyday. I'm at the point that I just want to give the money back even though I would have to do it in installments.
I carve stuff out to be 'just
I carve stuff out to be 'just us' stuff. We both have kids and I do try and make 'happy family traditions' and crap but some stuff I just refuse to share with the skids or my kids.
I bought Superfight which is a card game. It is fun and I keep it hidden away so only we can play. DH doesn't know where it is at so he can't forget or want to play with the kids because 'its only a card game'.
We also have date night. Once a week DH and I go out. Dinner for sure and then at least one hour away from the house. What we do depends on the amount of money but even just swinging at the park is fun. Firm rule that no house and no family can be discussed. And phones are on vibrate. We only respond if there is a broken bone or fire.
I think you have to have something together just for the two of you. All of this 'all about the kids 24/7' is an American made idea. The rest of the world does not make their children the center of everything
If a woman or a man is lucky
If a woman or a man is lucky enough to find someone without kids then they need to understand that the person they are with will want/need activities without children involved. More than likely the person chose not to have kids, with reason. If they are with someone else that has kids then that person is just as screwed as they are and there will probably be nothings that kids aren't involved in.
Why would you allow a boat purchase on a fixer upper boat when you are already having money issues and so is he?
If what is his is his and
If what is his is his and what's yours is his too now, how will this evolve once you're married? I don't have much advice but want to add that I am picking up financial slack to relieve H from the exhaustion of cs and bills he had from before or life together. In finding myself resentful about it. Make sure you don't get married because someone needs your help!
In my mind you cannot have
In my mind you cannot have separate finances and then complain about what gets paid for after the basics of food, home and utilities are paid for between the two of you. If you two have agreed to have separate finances he is not obligated to provide you with money just because you make vague noises about being broke and struggling with finances right now. If you are struggling for money then by all means ask your fiance for a loan. If you're not happy with how your household bills and expenses are split right now then you two need to sit down and renegotiate them.
Do you want to have joint finances after you get married? If the answer is yes then my answers would be slightly different because you two should be working towards having knowledge of each others financial statuses and attitudes so that you two can start to see how you can work together.
As for the special time, if he is unwilling to see it as necessary to keep something between you two, you just have to move it to being something that is inappropriate for him to share with his kid. 18+ rated movies, reading erotica to each other, wine/whiskey tasting, testing sex toys, reviewing bad porn, cocktail making contests...you get the picture.