If he had alone time with him, he'd have to put up with them. Nope he doesn't. When they are visiting at we are at home, he's gone outside or otherwised engaged with whatever.

DH still seems to think we are a "family" of the intact kind. We are NOT!

DH knows his kids are rude, disrespectful and bratty, I secretatively believe that's why he refuses or wants to do other things, that aren't around my friends or his when the princesses are with us.

We will take my kids to the movies (have many times) and drop his off at BM's, so what does that tell you. We took his kids to the movies ONCE in 4 years and he hasn't done it again. They talked the entire time, made sure both of them sat between him and I and they made sure my kids were away from him and them.

I will reschedule going to my friends because I agreed to it before the rest of the crap but when I go, they aren't invited. PERIOD! My friend won't say it but I will.

I guess I should clarify it isn't really I dont want to go to the waterfall. My friend already planned the party, then I found out it was the same weekend as the reunion. My friend is understanding that I am not coming and we are going to get together another weekend.

I agreed to not go to the party as a sort of truce, to be nice, because DH is claiming I hate his kids all the time. I try everytime to allow him one on one time with them by offering to go to stuff with my kids alone. DH is the one who wants us all to go as a "family"

The family reunion I put up with every year now because I feel it's DH's family and we don't see them but ONCE a year. The rest of it, asking to take 2 cars and all was just too much bending for me.

I guess I just needed to vent because I feel stuck in this trying to compromise so DH will stop saying "you just hate my kids" anytime I talk to him about house rules and them not following them.

Maybe I'm just a sucker and it doesn't even matter if I compromise nothing will change, IDK. I keep trying different ways to approach this and nothing is making this situation better.

The last time we went to a drive in zoo. I didn't know they'd been there, it wasn't told to me until we all got there and the SDs were all "remember when" every 5 freaking seconds.

I didn't jump up and down screaming or anything. My kids enjoyed it, ok fine. But I told him I didn't want to go to another place they had been as a family. DH says "but there are only x places to go around here, we've been to them all". I am in a small town unless we drive 6+ hours, there isn't all that much around.

As for the reunion, no one passes her around, because she refuses to let anyone touch her but us, mostly me. They just want to take her picture or MIL wants to be all GMA of the year (she isnt).

I think last year all of 5 people out of 60 talked to me. Most just stared and looked like I was an exhibit of some kind.

I have to deal with the fallout for weeks when I say no. I have done it in the past. 2 weekends ago the kids went ice skating with the youngest daughter for her birthday. The skids ended up not coming, OSD decided an middle school dance (5th grade) was more important and YSD suddenly became sick on friday morning.

I told him no matter what I was going that weekend, skids or no skids I didnt care. I did.

He ended up going but pouted because YSD would have liked it, not my problem, I didn't make her sick or pretend she was. I just went on with my kids, we all learned to ice skate and it was fun. We had to leave early because MIL wouldn't watch DD19mo more than 3 hours.

So that's why I decied to skip it this time, with the compromise of going to do xyz. The rest is what got me today. I can't seem to win.

I just want peace........HOW do I get it?

That's I think the thing that really set me on fire today. Separate cars for a 3 hour drive so he could pick up someone else's mess-basically.

I compromise more than I should. I know that. I guess I have to become the evil stepmom I'm being called anyways.

Here's the thing, I didn't hate them. I still don't hate the YSD, now OSD oh her face makes me mad. It's their behaviors I don't like. I've actually told him "correction I hate their behaviors and there is a difference"

I wouldn't say he verbally abuses me. Its more like bitching and moaning, and whining oh and the whatever treatment.

How do I make him show his hand? I'm confused on that. I already resent the hell out of him for having to fight to get the few things he does now, like not talk to BM every damn day for no reason.

I was going to a stepfamily counselor, he got upset/mad really that I was going. I didn't tell him, not because it was a secret but because he'd expressed before that he didn't believe in it. It was for me not him.

The counselor said we needed to go together to be effective, I asked him to come, he refused and said "why do you need to go anyways? Its about me so what did she say about me?" I tried to explain to him it wasn't about HIM, it was about the situation and how for me to DEAL with all of it because I've never been a stepMOM before.

It became such an issue I just dropped it and stopped going. I guess that was a mistake.