Skid Rooms
This post is directed at those with Skids that have every weekend or every other weekend visitation... Do you think it's important to have a room for them at your house? Why/why not?
When Dh and I bought our home I thought it was just a normal thought to give Ss6 (at that time was ss was 3) a room because he was Dh's son and because he was the only kid it was a normal thought (to me anyway) to give him the largest bedroom aside from the master. Buuuuut as time has gone on it bothers me slightly that he has the largest room aside from ours in the house yet he doesn't even go in there... Like he doesn't even sleep in there because he says he's too scared so he sleeps on the couch. We'll put him to sleep in his room and when we get up he's on the couch or he'll fall to sleep on the couch and we just don't move him. Ss also doesn't play in there because he says he's bored of his toys so in essence we have a very large room that just sits there unused ALL THE TIME. I've thought about asking Dh his thoughts of switching our guestroom/office with ss's room b/c right now our office/guestroom is a lot smaller and it's crammed because we have a big L shaped desk, a dresser and a queen bed in there. I haven't brought it up though because I don't want Dh to think I'm being mean or anything... I just think it's silly that we have such a large room unoccupied. Currently our home is a 3 bedroom with an office so basically it's 4 rooms but one of the rooms doesn't have a closet and is a little bit smaller than the others. I've also thought of leaving the office as the office and turning Ss's room into the guestroom but leaving some of his things in there but making it so that it's not a full on kids room... that though I don't think I would ever bring up to dh though because I feel like I'd be an evil stepmom for basically taking the room away ya know? It also bothers me that his room is way bigger than Dd's BUT she wasn't even a thought when we bought the house so I'd never voice that to anyone other than here because it's not fair to Ss.
What are your thoughts on this? I totally agree that if a skid is 50/50 that they should have their own bedroom but what about weekend/every other weekend kids? What are your arrangements?
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Our guest room doubles as
Our guest room doubles as SD14's room. Or in her mind, HER room, doubles as the guest room.
It is very gender neutral and has no photos of her or anything. Skids should get their own space. Its much easier for them to stay out of your hair when they have their own space. He shouldn't have the largest room however, especially if you need the space. Switch his room, he's going to have one anyway, DH shouldn't care.
You see, I wouldn't be
You see, I wouldn't be opposed to having a very gender neutral room because right now the room is painted half red with racecar tire tracks on the walks and also fathead stickers of dinosaurs on the walls... It's a really cool room... if he lived with us but he doesn't and he doesn't even seem interested in having a room considering he doesn't go in there... There are weekends when he doesn't even enter the freaking room. I feel weird/mean though taking it away and putting him in the smaller room... is that dumb?
Don't feel weird, it's an
Don't feel weird, it's an issue of practicality. Maybe he'll feel better in a smaller, cozier room. Have him pick out the colors and help you decorate it. Maybe that will help the transition.
We think it's important SD
We think it's important SD have her own bedroom. She is EOWE & 8 weeks in the summer. But we only think that because she shares a very very tiny room at BM's. She is ALWAYS in her room, and loves it & the freedom of not sharing a room at our house.
However, her room is the smallest bedroom. DS was born in November & he has a larger bedroom than her. The 4th bedroom is a 'family room'. Also if we were to have a daughter one day, SD would 'share' a room with her. She doesn't get special treatment because she's a step (if we have a son he will share with DS).
If I were you, he wouldn't have the largest room. We made the largest room the nursery because of all the other stuff. Please tell me your SS didn't have the closest largest room & the nursery was small & furthur away making it inconvenient for you when baby wakes at night etc? That's just silly.
I feel like I Should have
I feel like I Should have really thought about all of this before we bought the house and gave him the room becuase now I feel like it's so hard to go back on it. We've discussed selling our home to move areas and in the meantime get an apartment while we look for anew house and Dh said we'd have to get a 3 bedroom apartment because Ss needs his own room... I was like wtf... why would we spend the extra money for an extra room even if it's temporary...
I always thought it was
I always thought it was important for skids to have their owns rooms simply because I don't want them invading MY space (which is everywhere BUT their rooms)However, if the skid has a room, but won't use it, that's a different story? Does the skid have a TV in his room? Maybe if he did he would be more inclined to stay put?
The crazy thing is, we do
The crazy thing is, we do have a tv in there. A tv and a dvd player but does it get used? Nope. I feel like we should sell it because he never uses it.
Well that is just odd? how
Well that is just odd? :? how old is he that he is "scared?"
oops never mind, I just read back and see he is 6. I don't know? my BS5 is "scared" to be in his room (no clue why??). I actually let him fall asleep on the couch and then DH or I move him up to his bed. One night a week or so though, he'll wake up in the middle of the night and come in our room.
I say leave his room alone... he's 6. He'll get over this. What you DON'T want is a 10 and above year old who has no room who is sleeping on your couch, taking over your living room as his "room"
I have a very old house-over
I have a very old house-over 100 years old. It has small rooms and no closets. When DH moved in, we remodeled the large upstairs and made it skids room. They were 8 and 11 at the time. BM threw a fit and we had to move SD into my BS's room who is there full time and have BS share with SS. We were planning on doing it eventually but we wanted to wait a year or two and do a little more remodeling so BS could keep a room to himself. Since BM threatened court, we just moved the kids. We haven't gotten around to the extra remodeling since it would be so hard with BS living there 85% of the time. I absolutely hate that one whole room and half of the upstairs is used for skids for 4 days a month and would of preferred the other ideas we had. Now we are just waiting until skids stop coming and then we will reconsider the remodeling again.
I really don't think it is that big a deal for kids to share a room or use the spare room if they only come over 4 days a month.
I think resident skids
I think resident skids (half-time or more) should have "their" room. EOWE or less? Not necessary. Why keep an entire room of your house for a skid who's there about four days a month? Most people don't have that kind of space. They should, however, have some space to call their own, whether it be a guest room or an office or whatever with a futon and dresser or closet space.
I have a guest room/spare
I have a guest room/spare room and the skid stays in there when he's here less than EOWE... It isn't "his" room, but he does have a private room when he's here. I didn't put any cable in there though so there's no TV.
Maybe you could present the
Maybe you could present the idea to your DH that a smaller space for SS could make him feel more secure. He would still have his own room. And like another poster suggested, you can let him decorate his new big boy room.
Either way, I would start waking him up and sending him to his bed. I would not be ok with someone sleeping on my couch every night. That's what the bedroom is for. Has he said why he feels safer in the living room?
My Skids had to have night lights, hall light on and door open. After a year or so I stopped allowing the hall light, it was just too bright and shined into my room all night. Now, 3 yrs after moving into our home, they sleep with their doors closed. They still sleep with night lights. Baby Steps.
Right now we live in a 3
Right now we live in a 3 bedroom house. The largest room is a "master", the next largest is SS7's, and the smallest room is DS17 months'. SS is here every weekend, but admittedly doesn't spend much time in his room besides sleeping. He'd rather drag his stuff in an out of the living room to play.
DS's room is TINY - it really only works as an office or as a nursery. His cribs fits fine but even a twin sized bed wouldn't fit. Needless to say, this isn't our forever home. So when we move, my thought is that DS will have the largest room (aside from the master) because he resides at our home 100% of the time. Because like you, OP, sometimes it bothers me that DS has the smaller bedroom even though it's his one and only home.
I have had skids full time
I have had skids full time but DD being the youngest always got the smallest room. Each time a skids moved out DD moved up. When SS and YSD moved in with OSD for 7 months DD got the biggest room. YSD got the smallest room and SS got the garage. We insulated and air conditioned the garage for him. It was very warm but he was in the main part of the house 99% of the time and slept on the sofa 100% of the time.
I also know many parents that gave the son the biggest room because he was the oldest. As the daughter grew up she needed more room and the parents made the kids switch rooms. There is nothing wrong with this.
It is this simple. SS is not here but EOWE. DD is here full time and needs more room. SS does not sleep or even play in the room. DD does. I think it is in everyone's best interest for the kids swap rooms. Any room that is not being used becomes a guest room when needed.