another SM bites the dust....only she isn't the one leaving.
After 5 years, I may never have to visit this site again....
DSO is in the process to get help from social services to get SS15 back with him. The help is to get somewhere for SS to go during the summer and to help DSO get a place to live and welfare benefits if he can't work full time due to SS being an asshole.
SS was taken by the state 100% physical and legal. DSO was told if he quit his job, he could regain full custody, not BM though. SS is in a Foster Group home. He was jumped in his bedroom the other nite and this is what led DSO to this decision.
This may backfire on DSO big time. He already tried this 5 years ago when he got custody. Maybe it will be better since I won't be there, since I was a big part of SS' and BMs' problem. I see BM worming her way into their lives. I don't think DSO would ever take her back, he is now calling her Fucking Stupid Woman....the original, but we all know that strange things happen. BM will now try and portray MOTY to impress DSO.
SD will suffer. I pointed that out but the only thing that DSO said was he couldn't live with SS in that place getting hurt. So the kid that gets a 3.8 to 4.0, plays sports, is in the band will have to suffer bc 1 kid refuses to follow any rules and causes grief and havoc everywhere he goes. SS has attacked many people including BM, Grandpa and SD. He has attacked workers at his other facility. He isn't innocent in any blame.
Even though DSO and I aren't married, we have been together 10 years. We have stuff in both of our names. He pays for some of our joint stuff, he pays 1 credit card, he pays half my car payment. All of the burden will be on me. I have 2 wood burners in my house and a propane furnace. I can't cut or buy the amount of wood needed myself, I also can't afford to just heat with propane by myself.
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Yes that is my thought. I
Yes that is my thought. I gave up trying to express that opinion. I think what some of the stuff the state and court system has done is very wrong, but SS lived with BM the past 4 months. A few things happened up there that had the courts and SS' lawyer concerned. I'm sure that there are things that happened in BMs house that DSO doesn't even know about to bring this situation about. SS was just on probation and the possibility of him getting off, then WHAM, the courts put him away and never notified (at least DSO) of anything that was going on.
BM set out to destroy DSO and she succeeded, plain and simple. We may survive living apart, but IDK if I even have the energy for that anymore.
I hope that things work out
I hope that things work out for you, you have a chance to start afresh. It is time to start planning your life without him it seems. Sounds like one of the first things to do is to separate your finances and find a smaller place to live where you don't have a wood burner and it is cheaper to heat before winter comes back.
Our finances are separate,
Our finances are separate, but I will now have to make the car payment 100% and a few other things. I had to buy the car after my 15yo one died. Its used but it was a good deal, low mileage.
I own the house, so I can't just walk away without having a foreclosure on my credit. When my DH died, I busted my ass to keep from losing my home and making sure my kids had a good start in life.
I guess I can only eat PB&J and that will cut my food budget by a lot lol.
How the hell does a state
How the hell does a state agency tell a parent to quit their job and then they can get custody. That makes no damn sense.
Your DSO really needs to look at everything and really decide if trying to help a lost cause is worth throwing away his life and his daughter's life for. SS probably got jumped for being a jerk and running his mouth to someone bigger and badder then him.
You need to do what you can to start protecting yourself and your finances.
Sometimes the only way to attempt to help a kid is tough love. So they will hate you and may never love you but they probably do not know how to love because something is effed up in their brain. My DH is going through all this with SS25. SS does not care about anything but partying. He does not work, has no place to live and keeps calling DH to move back in. NEVER going to happen. DH knows SS is a lost cause and the only way for him to get help is to stop helping him and let him figure it out and maybe fix himself. At some point you HAVE TO LET THEM GO!
SD will go with DSO or she
SD will go with DSO or she could move in with BM. Once he is out the door, the advantages she had living with us will be too.
I'm not rich at all, I have a good state job for the area we live in. I have been buying a house for 25 years (refinanced twice), so I am stable. I help with my gsons a lot so I'm OK with softball coming first bc I understand.
If he leaves, or is making
If he leaves, or is making plans to leave, consult a lawyer about your joint property. Get your name off any joint credit cards. Remove him as an authorized user on any of your cards. Protect yourself.
I don't see this as going well. I'd be very leary of someone at cps telling a parent to quit their job to retain custody of a teen. It just doesn't sound right. A random cps worker can say anything, but that doesn't make it fact. Court may not be supportive of this.
H needs to consult a lawyer to navigate him through this plan. H is thinking of doing this even though he does not have full knowledge of the events that caused his child's entrance to the foster home. Doing this without full knowledge is a recipe for disaster.
That is one concern I do not
That is one concern I do not have, DSO won't steal anything from me.
I agree with everyone that
I agree with everyone that says 'How can a state agency take a child then tell a parent to quit their job'
DSO had full 100% custody of both skids. The state stripped custody bc he allowed SS to live with BM. He has to quit his job bc SS15 is like a 2yo. Must have constant supervision by DSO.
I'm just hearing what I'm told. I'm sure BM knows more, and then DSO will know more after it all comes out. I've had ppl tell me that BM would laugh at the skids bc she would call the cops on them to get them into trouble. She is a sadistic bitch.
That is the million dollar
That is the million dollar question. Maybe they think I will, IDK. But that won't happen. DSO is too proud to have me support him anyway.
I'm thinking there is
I'm thinking there is something missing - either they have no idea you won;t be supporting him or someone just spouted off without the facts. Either way, if he throws you to the wolves that fast, he isn't a man worth keeping. Time to take care of you. Best of luck.
I agree with everything you
I agree with everything you said.