I'm an idiot and have no one to blame but myself - vent
I'm such an idiot and I have no one to blame but myself. I KNEW he couldn't compromise and yet I stupidly compromised myself with hopes he would reciprocate and all I am is frustrated beyond belief.
Yesterday, I had to take my son to a neighboring city (about 20 minutes away) for a sports practice. We need to leave the house for 6 PM and would be home by 9 PM. I ask my DH if he'll be coming with me to practice, and he says he will - then DH mentions that SS 16 wants to go to a party three blocks from where I will be, and so he would be leaving at 5 PM. I said, "That's unfortunate and inconvenient, since I will be leaving one hour later. Why don't you simply discuss with SS 16 the art of compromising and he can leave with us then?" DH replies that it is a surprise party and he needs to be there by 5:15.
Okay, fine. So I decided that we will all leave at 5 PM, so that there is no unnecessary driving back-and-forth. In my opinion, that would be absolutely ridiculous. Why would either of us drive a 40 minute round-trip unnecessarily? I can leave an hour early if it means compromising and we all go at the same time together.
Just as practice is winding up at 8:30 PM, I ask DH "What time are we picking up as a 16?" Foolishly, I'm thinking in the next half hour or so. He's three blocks away, remember.
DH replied, "I'm picking him up at 10:30 PM"
Me: "That doesn't make any sense, we are here right now, why would you wait until 10:30 PM?"
DH: "Because that's when he's done."
Silence. So he was going to drive back to our city with us now, and then one hour later turn around and drive back to this city in order to pick up his kid?? The kid who was dropped off at a party at 5:15 PM? So being told he can spend four hours there is somehow going to ruin his life when he wanted to spend five hours there?
DH has lately proven over and over again he will not do what is right for the family if it has anything to do with his son. He will waste time, money, fuel and good feelings rather than tell his kid he needs to come home one frigging hour early???? When we were RIGHT FRIGGING there????
I am so terribly sad that this is the parent he is. It has definitely gotten worse over the last six months, and I can't quite put my finger on why. I almost think that, in a twisted Catch-22 sort of way, he is doing things like this for his son purposely as a result of my not liking his son; however the fact that he does these things for his son causes me to like his son less!! Don't kids need to be told the world doesn't revolve around them?? What is he afraid of? That his kid won't like him? I'd say he needs to be worried that I won't like him.
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God forbid he actually
God forbid he actually disappoints the kid by having him leave an hour early from a party! The damn world will just come crashing down! *insert rolling eyes icon here*
I agree with you however about kids need to be told what they are going to do and when, not the other way around. When they turn 18 and move out permanently, they can make their own decisions, otherwise what the parents say goes! Why BFs don't understand that, I'll never understand myself.
Thank you!!!! It's so stupid
Thank you!!!! It's so stupid that they "ask" their kids what the plans will be instead of telling them. I appreciate your validation of my overwhelming frustration at this moment
Same here... SO's baser
Same here... SO's baser instinct is to do things like that too, but I've freaked out enough times that now he thinks twice. He's supposed to get skidly on Friday's at 6. Often these days, the skid has some jr something meetings Friday nights and then SO says he'll get the skid at 8:30.. Well, 8:30 is a pain in the ass time because it ruins our ability to have any dinner (it takes over an hour round trip) and generally screws up the night. I know this is the time that is vetted out because it makes it easier for BM to go straight to the drop off place, rather than having to take him home, then go back out again. So the last time this happened, SO called to advise, and I said, well why don't you get him at 9:30 then, so our night isn't screwed up... Or Saturday morning...
He actually stammered out something intelligible. I let it go last time, but next time I know he'll ask me first. I mean common Darling Dads... we're talking about an hour here.. wth?
wow that is so ridiculous!
wow that is so ridiculous! Why can't they think sometimes? Geez. My BF is the same way! he will drive all over the city for the kid and never tell BM anything or put his foot down. The world DOES NOT revolve around them. I am so scared for what kind of person the kid will turn out to be without any rules. Your husband needs to understand your point of view! How hard would it have been to pick him up while you were there?? Did he go for him by himself? If he wants to do drive a million miles for him he can do it on his own!
Oh yes, he went alone. He
Oh yes, he went alone. He slept alone as well. (Of course, I'd like to say it was a flaming row for dramatic effect but the simple truth is that once I'm asleep he cannot come into our bed - I am such a light sleeper that I will be up for hours.) I drifted off some time shortly after 10. Haven't had to see him yet and I'm still unhappy so it's for the best.
If my dh knew he would miss
:jawdrop: :jawdrop: :jawdrop:
If my dh knew he would miss out on sleeping with me by driving sd15 an hour later from a party he would tell her sorry, get a ride or come with me now.
And this SD is socially backward so he wants her at every party she ever gets invited to. But he would not sacrifice sleeping with me unless she was in the hospital or something.
I put an absolute fucking end
I put an absolute fucking end to that, too. No ruining OUR time. No driving all over the place... No. BM had for a time, refused to drop off skidly at the agreed place after she moved sort of far away. SO started going the entire distance to her house because even tho she was in contempt of court, he 'had no other way and wouldn't see skidly". Well, Dear SO - Fuck that. So he'd go to the agreed meeting place, of course she wasn't there, and he'd call the cops and file a complaint. We had a nice stack of em. And, no, he didn't see the skid while BM was being a witch... about 2 months or so. Be tough SO... keep them balls on ya.... If they try to alter the dates and times, he checks with me first. If that change is inconvenient then, "no".
Now she drops the kid at the right place. No bending over backwards - all done with that.
She didn't kick him out. He
She didn't kick him out. He knew that by going back at 10:30 he would lose the opportunity to sleep with her. He made the choice, not her.
True. I didn't kick him out.
True. I didn't kick him out. That was simply one of the side effects of his decision. (On a normal night, we cuddle for quite awhile before he falls asleep, and then I fall asleep soon after. Incidents like this aside, we're a very affectionate couple.)