Bm already trying to start sh*t

So the court order regarding Ss was established last weekend. In the CO it states Bm now has Ss the last weekend of every month, therefore she kept Ss last weekend and so today will be the first time she has to Drop Ss off at our house for visitation. Anyway, last night Dh gets a text from Bm...

This is the correspondence:

Bm: Ss will be dropped off between 3:30 and 4:00 tomorrow. (the court order est last week clearly states that Ss is to be dropped off at 4pm-no earlier)

Dh: Per page 2 of our court order, Ss is to dropped off at 4pm. I will not be home until 4. (Dh gets off at 3:30 and picks up Dd, so he gets home every day between 3:50-4:00, so he's not being difficult, no one is home before 3:50. Besides, the time Dh requested in court was 5, however Bm made a big deal about how her boyfriend has to work every other weekend from 6pm to 6am and blah blah blah so Dh said "fine, let's change it to 4" Bm didn't like that but she didn't have any other choice to agree because she didn't want to make herself look like an ass in front of the judge)

Bm: Well *insert Bm's boyfriends name* has to be at work so we'll be there at 4pm per page 2 of the court order (i think she was trying to be sarcastic because Dh referenced the page) but we will not wait for you so you better be there or we're leaving.

Dh: I'm not sure why you're assuming I won't be home. I will be home at 4pm otherwise I wouldn't have agreed to it in court.

Bm: Well you've been late in the past and I have the text messages to prove it. So you better be on time. (umm... There was never an est. court order so I'm not even sure what she's talking about. Sure Dh has told her in the past that he'd be there at 5 and we've gotten caught up in something and so he'd text 'he be there at 5:15' but there wasn'ta court order, so there wasn't any urgency to be there AT 5, KWIM?)

Dh: *Insert Bm's first name*, I'm not interested in arguing with you. Be here at 4. Have a good night.

Bm: The court order says we can be flexible about times as long as we agree and the judge said it's good for us to work together.

Dh: :::Crickets:::

W....T....F??? There was NO need for Bm to text last night, I truly feel that she just wanted to fight with Dh. Yeah, Dh shouldn't have even said anything about her assuming he'd be late or anything but whatever. He got annoyed and wanted to make that point. I feel like Bm wants to try to manipulate anything she can and I think she's pissed that she has to now bring Ss to our home and there isn't squat she can do about it. The dumb this is, in court she said her boyfriend goes to work at 6 and where the boyfriend works is maybe at the most 45 min from our home so why she needs to drop Ss off 2 1/2 hours before the boyfriend has to be at work, i have no idea? I think she was just trying to exude some type of control.

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Right? My thought was

Right? My thought was probably that her boyfriend was working and she was sitting there stewing about how she has to bring him to our house and decided to try to push whatever weight she thought had, around. It's stupid. She's getting married next weekend, you'd think she would have other things to do other than of trying to harrass her ex via text. wtf.

Right?!? So stupid. It's like

Right?!? So stupid. It's like c'mon, get a freaking life! She was grasping at some sort of control and was shut down. It's pathetic.

BM2 used to do this crap

BM2 used to do this crap all.the.time. It'd be like 11:00 at night and she'd text DH "Oh hey, just wondered if SS has any sweatshirts at your house?" WTF? Do I need Samuel L Jackson to read you the "Go The Fuck To Sleep" book bitch?

I would seriously picture her sitting in her living room bored and thinking... hmmmmm what horse crap can I text to my ex???

LOL!!! This literally made me

LOL!!! This literally made me laugh out loud!!! for reals,though.

Straight boredom, I guess? Maybe there wasn't any activity on her recent selfie??? lol.

I can honestly say I have

I can honestly say I have NEVER, EVER, NEVER... been bored enough to text or call an ex. There is ALWAYS something to do! Someone to stalk on FB or Instagram, some drivel on TV, a book to read, a toilet to clean... come on! Thankfully when she married her son (I mean boy toy) last year, she pretty much fell off the face of the earth.

yup!!!

Yep, that was my thought

Yep, that was my thought exactly. I told Dh, in the future to not say anything other than "per the CO, drop off is 4. Be here at 4."

Yep, def unneeded drama.

LOL!!! That's a good one! I'm

LOL!!! That's a good one! I'm going to tell Dh to do this in the future.

Exactly. I think Dh just felt

Exactly. I think Dh just felt liberated and wanted to say something back to Bm because she knows she can't threaten visitation anymore. I told him though that in the future, it's best to keep it simple and do not engage. Misery loves company and she was just trying to start up crap because she's an unhappy person.

Yeah she just wanted to

Yeah she just wanted to argue. Start keeping a calendar and you'll see BMs like this work in cycles. Our BM picks fights like this whenever her and her babydaddy#2 are "happy" again. Sometimes they need constant fighting to feel important.

Yep, Bm def wanted to argue.

Yep, Bm def wanted to argue. Who keeps texting after you've made it clear that you're done with the convo? weird. You'd think Bm would be too excited with getting married next week, that the last thing on her mind would be trying to engage dh into a text fight.

I've def made note of this and pay attention to if there is a trend.

This is exactly the reason

This is exactly the reason why I had DH modify the court order to specify "Parent is responsible for picking up child when their time begins at opposite parents home/school" Also there is something that says each parent can only be 15 minutes late or they forfeit the time. If we show up at her home and BM is not there we wait 15 minutes and leave and file a police report for contempt for denying visitation.(Of course in certain circumstances parents can be flexible if both parents agree to a time change). We pickup at home only during summer and school during school because we have every other week.

This way one parent is always "Picking Up" and makes the responsibility to "WANT" to see your child on them. The drop off's and meeting spots that we did before, we were always waiting around and it's much more frustrating. We live about 35 minutes from the BM.

It's funny you mention this.

It's funny you mention this. That is what Dh originally requested but Bm's whole defense of sharing transportation was because she said her boyfriend works from 6 to 6 every other weekend so she wouldn't be able to pick Ss up from our home on Sundays so the judge asked if she had access to the vehicle on fridays at 4 and Bm didn't know what to say and she was on her best behavior in court so she reluctantly said yes and so the judge ruled that she drops him off on Fri and Dh drops him at her house on Sundays. we didn't even think to put in a 15 grace period or anything so that sucks but whatever.

All in all it's a good thing though because now if Bm doesn't bring him she's withholding vistation as a opposed to the minor issue of her not picking him up on sundays, kwim?

You are absolutely right,

You are absolutely right, Tog! I told dh, he needs to keep it simple in future because misery loves company and Bm is going to run with ANYTHING he gives her. Maybe it's because I'm rational but it's baffling to me that Bm behaves this way. Just follow the CO, simple as that, no need to text and threaten or whatever... It's just beyond me...

BINGO! I told Dh last night,

BINGO! I told Dh last night, she wanted a reaction and that's exactly what he gave her. It was very much apparent that that's what she was after when he text her "have a good night" which to a normal person would indicate that you're done talking with them, and STILL text him trying to engage in an argument. I'm sure she was miffed all night that he didn't respond.

DH needs to just stop

DH needs to just stop texting.

The only time to text is if he really is asking to change something not in CO.

He needs to teach his ex he does not want to fight and is very strictly going to follow the CO. There really is no need to communicate if he is following CO.

I agree, no need to engage

I agree, no need to engage the crazy.

Oh yeah, def high drama Bm. I

Oh yeah, def high drama Bm. I have a theory that Bm behaves this way because she has no job, no education, no income other than CS and thus her life is out of control therefore she conducts herself this way with Dh because it's the only control she thinks she has in her life. It's sad, really.