WTH! The Crazy BM is my BM!
My parents have been divorced for almost 30 years (they were married for 18) and my BM has obviously not gotten over my father who has been married to my SM for 25 years. How do I know . . .she told me.
I found a really nice picture of my dad and my BS14. I can’t believe how tall BS14 is getting (almost as tall as my dad). And then I did something stupid. . I sent it to my mother so she could see BS and how did she respond . . . .”How am I supposed to get over your dad when you send me pictures of him”. Really lady it’s been 30 years get over it already. I still have the WTH look on my face!
I cannot believe that I’m an almost 40 year old woman and I’m still not supposed to have a relationship or mention my father to my mother. She proclaims to be the biggest Christian in town but she hates my father. She hates my dad with a passion and maybe she has good reason to but why can’t we all just learn to get along. This woman caused so much trauma to me and my sisters childhood with PAS we could write a book. Now that we are adults we are forming our own relationship with our father and SM. It’s all coming back to bite her in the ass.
I know I’m on the list . . .you know the one. She stops talking to me, she ignores me, she tells all of her friends how terrible I am and I don’t think about her feelings and how much I hurt her. She’ll go around the corner and visit my sisters and won’t even tell me she’s visiting. She’ll have dinner with and make dinner for my sisters without telling me. I’m not kidding either, that’s why I knew it was stupid move on my part as soon as I hit send but it was too late.
I’m so tired of the emotional blackmail from my mother. I’m going to the gym to de-stress!
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((((HUGS))) Parents just suck
((((HUGS))) Parents just suck sometimes.
Jmom, sure we are not
Jmom, sure we are not sisters? That sounds like my mother!
I was trying to talk myself
I was trying to talk myself out of the gym today but she has motivated me to go sweat this one out! My entire life people (since I was 10) I've had to deal with this crap. I'm about to cut off my own mother. It's just toxic!
No Nutella for this kid!!!
No Nutella for this kid!!! Draco can keep that all to himself. LOL! When I compare Tall Boy and My Boy . . .it's like night and day!
Wow... there is so much more
Wow... there is so much more she could have been doing with her life then pining away at him. Get over it already.
Meerkat. . .here's the
Meerkat. . .here's the problem. My sisters and I live less than a mile away from dad now, I actually live next door to him. He is a part of our everyday life now. She lives an hour away. We can't mention our father ever even though half of the time it's her trying to pry info on the occassions that she wants it. I guess I'm different because I could care less what my ex or my DH ex are doing . . .send a pic if you like trust me it won't bother me.
My mom dated one guy for a
My mom dated one guy for a short period of time . . .her excuse for not dating was us. She didn't want anyone around her precious girls and was willing to make that sacrifice for us. You have no idea how many times I've had to hear this spill. Never remarried and to my knowledge my father was her only fun buddy (if you know what I mean)
Put me on the list too. My
Put me on the list too. My mother invented PAS. LOL
BioMonster claims to be a
BioMonster claims to be a Christian. Must be some obscure Christian thing only for SPECIAL Christians that says it's okay to be a lying, cheating, adulterous HO.
BACK FROM THE GYM!! ooohh
BACK FROM THE GYM!! ooohh Lord 22 comments . .. let me get to reading!
My dad is a fun, charismatic
My dad is a fun, charismatic person with zero loyalty. He and my mom divorced 20 years ago. She never tried to PAS me against him, only had one serious relationship after their split. To this day, all of her funny, happy stories include him. I don't think she ever got over him. She wouldn't take him back, of course, because she knows he's not relationship material. It makes me sad for her.
Your story, Jmom, sounds
Your story, Jmom, sounds familiar. However, I do not see this as hopelessly as tog. My NPD-ish mother PAS'd me as well, so I had no relationship with my father growing up and not much of one right now. But things did get better when i individuated, separated - like really separated, put an ocean between me and my mother - and finally grew up by the time I was in my mid-20s. I called my mother out on her PAS, she apologized and STOPPED referring to my father altogether.
I remember saying to her, "He is the ONLY father I will EVER have. Why do I have to listen to you referring to him in those terms? How would you feel if I spoke like that of your father??" That was the day she quit. We quit talking about him. I never spoke about my mother to him either, that is a boundary that i wish my skids would stumble upon - no mentioning one parent to the other. It takes maturity... My father is a cold black sheep in his large and loving extended family and I get along great with his sisters, but i have never been invited into his new family with SM. Not once, never at all. So part of my break with him was due to my mother's alienation, but a large part was due to justified estrangement - he stopped being my parent when i was probably in 5th grade.
So it is complicated. My mother has mellowed a lot, and now that i am her care-taker, i see the good and the bad in both: he was physically and verbally abusive, he drank to excess, was a high-functioning alcoholic, who would start raging out of the blue. She could drive a saint bananas also, and she was a horrible ex-wife - she could be one of the BM we talk about on this board - she had me testify in court against him when i was 12. I cannot imagine doing that to my kids... But later she listened to me and adjusted her actions, and apologized for PAS (which was never directed against his extended family, interestingly, and today she has better relationships with his sisters than he does). He remains certain that he had always been a great father to me and has no regrets. That's kinda rich... Does my mother want him back? God, no! Do I want to have a relationship with him? I would like to have a father in my life who i could go to for advice, and support - i have never had that. It's a loss for all those concerned. But do i want a relationship with the man who could not be bothered to act as my father? Or as my kids' grandfather? Not really.