So I am starting my search for a new place to live....
Effective today, I am looking for a new place to live. I have yet to tell my DF, and don't really have any plans on telling him until I am ready to go.....We are still not speaking. He did attempt to reach out to me 1 time after he left in the evening and I arrived home from work. He sent a text saying his phone was broke and was unreachable....Now, I know this sounds VERY strange , giving the situation we are in, however I knew he was having some issues with his phone prior, But I DO find it very ironic that his phone just STOPS working ALL of a sudden when an event as BIG as this has been going on for just about a week now? Some how, I am not believing this story in full.
I will say he didn't get his sorry ass home till after midnight last night, which is a little later than usual. I have suspicions , but cant nail it down this moment. I am getting VERY tired of all of this. I somehow feel that if he was truly sorry, and felt such guilt and remorse for what he did he would try and make amends with me. I feel he hasn't put forth any effort in doing that. I feel as if he want me to brush this under the rug too....Well it will be a very rude awakening for him as his cell phone is due to shut off tomorrow. Payment is due, and THIS bank is closed!!!!...I will no longer give him the luxuries that I have given him for these 4 years. I am also wondering how the hell is he getting around with his new car, when I haven't given him gas money...See the only smart thing I did when I started this relationship was NOT to have a joint bank account. I learned this after my divorce. My DF doesn't even have a bank account, why would he, he doesn't need one, he would leech off me...however he had no access to my accounts, no authorized card user , etc....He was supposed to be a big boy and have all his shit together when I met him, sad but so untrue, Boy was I fooled.
SO I am looking for a new place. My lease(which I pay in FULL) is due to renew in APril, and I am not going to renew....I am wondering if this will give me the clean break, and or excuse I need to get the hell out....I just don't know if I can hold on till april with things the way they are in my house....I don't want his kids here at my home this weekend, and I know, no matter what I do, or say, he will still go against me and bring AT least the youngest daughter. I think he might be smarter than to bring the older daughter given the current situation. But Hey, He always seems to surprise me.....I am very bitter, I now look back on Christmas, and the Fuss, and the aggravation and the stress he put me under about gifts for his kids...I however DID NOT pay for his kids gifts, he took a loan from his parents to pay for those gifts.....now I always put kids first, and I am not a selfish person, but when I tell you there was an obscene amount of gifts for these 3 girls(whom of which DO NOT deserve shit, on account of their behavior alone) and all I got was a ring holder, probably from fucking target????And looking back on other holiday, proof is in the pudding, no thought or efforts are ever put into anything he does for me....I would have much rather have gotten a damn card that says he loves me than a fucking ring holder....Just an example of my frustrations, and how I guess its becoming clear how I don't count in his eyes...And BM's opinion, support ect must have been so well worth the trip.....I would love to see these two assholes (BM & My Fiance) try and work shit out , both Jobless, she hasn't worked a day in her life...and she refuses to work....He is jobless 99% of the time. Boy how funny is that, Good Luck. I think he is going to see how WONDERFUL he has had it...Not only has he been in damn La-La land with his kids and parenting, but he is going to have to pay his cell, his car, his insurance, HIs Child Support, His gas, His rent or mortgage, his Clothing, His cable TV, His Utilities, and so on. Boy oh boy, I cant see him handling any of this on his own......I am so angry , and so hurt...and Even more worried about my SOn. I don't and wont have him believe that this is ANY man at all. My fiancé is a coward , a leech, a Narcissistic individual( that's what my family calls him). So I have begun my exit plan, It hurts like hell, but from all I am reading, and form what my head is telling me it is time to go for sure...Ill update soon, Lord know what dramatics will ensue for today with Mr Sunshine, and HIs Lovely Ex-wife asshole, and spawn....Thank you all for listening to rant and vent...Phew, I feel better now 
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Dear Scubed, That is a great
Dear Scubed,
That is a great idea! My DF is not on the lease, I guess another wise thing I had gotten lucky with. His credit was SHOT to shit, and therefore adding him to my lease would have caused a denial....I think this is great idea...I can contact the leasing company and see if they will allow me to terminate early...Thank you so much for all your support and great ideas!! In the meantime, booting him out and changing the locks is a great idea, but I am too much of a coward (I think) to do it, at least for today. Who knows what tomorrow will bring, though
Instead of paying his CS this
Instead of paying his CS this month you should take your son and have a wonderful mommy/son day. Pamper both of yall. Good luck house hunting, God bless you.
Dear Evil stepmonster, Thank
Dear Evil stepmonster,
Thank you so very much! I just LOVE that Idea....I think that is exactly what I am going to do....I swear the amount of money I give my fiancé for his CS could give me and my son a weekend away..I will be sure to do that... I am now excited...My son and I could def use some time, just the two of us, away from all this stress....Thank you so so much for all your support
You pay his CS?? Oh dear...
You pay his CS?? Oh dear... IMMEDIATELY stop giving him one red cent. Go through the sofa and chairs and collect any change that has fallen in there. Definitely see if you can terminate early. Does you stbX have a key? Change the locks, if possible. Since he is not on the lease, box up his things and tell him where to pick up.
Dear Aniki, Yes he has a key,
Dear Aniki,
Yes he has a key, and I am sure as shit no longer paying his CS. He can find some other means at this point to pay ALL his bills. I wish I had the guts to change the locks. But I think He needs to come home to an empty house instead...It would make me happier to think of him standing there thinking "what the hell happened"? He's so lazy and so self absorbed I think he would just think we got robbed, LOL.....He still seems to think what he has done was not wrong, and I am over reacting ....So NOT the case here.....Thank you so much for all your support...
Dear Icansorelate, Thank
Dear Icansorelate,
Thank you...Please hit me over the head....I need to hear this over and over again......I know in my head he needs to go, its my damn heart that keeps me here....But I am sure I am through with this now...I just need a hit in the head and a kick in the pants! Thank you for your support....
I've read your blogs these
I've read your blogs these last few days even though I didn't comment on them but I'm glad to see that you're doing the right thing for YOU and YOUR SON finally.
Talk to your landlord and share what is going on and see if they can let you out early. You may not be able to just boot the deadbeat out if he has established residency there but check with your local laws on that. On the flip side, deadbeat doesn't have motivation so you may be able to tell him to leave and he'll leave!?
Deadbeat had a good thing going with you that benefitted HIM and his kids. Guess who it benefitted the most though? The ex wife because it sounds like she still has the benefit of this man that she clearly has a close relationship with. Maybe his deadbeat ways were the reason for their breakup even though she still "loved" him?
With you paying his way, they still had their cozy little family and the added bonus of you paying their finances.
Hang in there IDK!! You'll find this will be a huge boulder off your shoulders.
Dear StepX2, Thank you so
Dear StepX2,
Thank you so much for all your kind and very thoughtful , and very helpful words. You said this very well indeed. He and the Ex-wife surely do ( or rather did)benefit 100% off my dime. I know I have to take a huge stand on this. This is in no way fair and in no way healthy. I do believe in the state I am in, he probably would have already established residency. However, given the fact that I know HOW lazy he is, he probably would not fight me on it, at least not on a level where he would bring me to court. He just doesn't have that much energy in him....I feel somewhat sorry for all of them (DF & His asshole kids, Not BM who sits jobless in a half a million $ custom built and furnished house my lazy ass fiancé gave to her, because he feared her wrath & was too damn LAZY during their divorce). I know he will have nothing once I boot him out, everything in our home was purchased or brought in by me minus 2 TV's and his one wall unit air conditioner that was never used, and the clothes he brought with him....Even the furniture in my skid's room I just bought "new" last year( because god forbid daddys little princesses didn't have a better bedroom set than I had in that bedroom). I have to say most of the clothes in their dresser drawers were also purchased by me, but hell I don't want the clothes back ( because his excuse for that too, is BM neglects them , boo hoo!)... I don't even want to step in that room, it actually looks like a tornado hit it, food, plates, forks, knifes, etc, you name it is all over the place, all over the floor and under the beds :sick: ..its disgusting, I wish I could post a picture of their room, and what I put up with over the last 4 years...I refused to clean it any longer.I swear I am going to have to re-paint and re shampoo the carpet for like the 5th time in there or I will be charged a fee when I leave this apartment. Again, all of this , which was instilled or rather Lack of parenting from both BM, and my fiancé....Shame on them BOTH...Thank you again for all your support, and I am so very glad you posted...I am so sorry for the long rant, I am just so upset...You give me more encouragement to know I am doing the right thing though and through. Thank you and stay well!!! :):)
Seriously...$500,000 home
Seriously...$500,000 home that was purchased during the marriage of deadbeat and his ex?!? That would be a major accomplishment in 99% of the USA which just shows that he can do well if he wanted to!
Only people of very low character would depend on someone else to pay for their responsibilities.
Yes a 500K home purchased in
Yes a 500K home purchased in 2000, when I guess my DF MUST have worked. The place is gorgeous to be honest. And yes, BM has it ALL. Doesn't pay the mortgage(its in foreclosure status of course) and she doesn't pay any bills , she has the state paying her electric. Which just baffles me on how she gets any help from the state when she gets a hefty CS each month from DF(or WAS rather from my pocket)
Its very low character, shame on him, and shame on me for being a doormat. I really didn't see the WHOLE picture until I started writing out my story here. I guess on the screen, with me having the chance for outsiders, as well as myself to actually read what is going on in my life has made me realize this is INSANE!. I am actually sick to my stomach right now....I am very disappointed in myself for allowing it to get this far.....
Thank you kindly for all your support!
Dear fortifiedwithwine, Wow,
Dear fortifiedwithwine,
Wow, I am so sorry to hear about your DH heirloom, that is just horrible, and terrible what happened....Ironically, I started moving many of my items in the evenings over the last few days to my parents home. I was fearful of exactly that. So when he leaves to go out and work out at night(so he calls it), I have been taking my jewelry, all important and documents, and personal stuff out....I even went as far as to pack have the linens and bring those there too....I don't trust him or his kids. In the past his one daughter took money clean out of my wallet, hence why I don't carry cash anymore, and kept my purse at my side at all times when the skids were over.
Thank you so much for all your support. Hopefully I can cut the rope soon, and be on my way..At least this is a great start...I never knew I would have the guts to do this much so far....
These men have no sense of
These men have no sense of pride! I thought that "providing" gave a sense of accomplishment for them. Please tell me this is not an antiquated way of thinking.
Not antiquated thinking at
Not antiquated thinking at all.
This is not a MAN though.... she already mentioned that he is a leech and a narcissist.
Also, one of my guy friends told me a loooooong time ago to that if a man wants to call you, he will. Never take a man's excuses about his phone. If he usually has it on him but says it's turned off, broken, in the car, lost, etc. it means that he was with someone else, talking to someone else, or hunting for someone else. Period! My man lost his phone for all of 30 minutes one day, and he drove to his mama's house to call and tell me... and then found it under his seat a few minutes later. A good man won't want you to worry.
Dear Blayze, Exactly what I
Dear Blayze,
Exactly what I was thinking, I swear you took the words out of my mouth...I am sure he was up to something....And believing his bullshit is just moronic of me.....Thank you so much for your support, I can only pray I stay strong enough for this nightmare to end soon.
Dear rickyticky and
Dear rickyticky and Generic,
Thank you both so much for posting your thoughts. It is so sad , but it is true, I am hearing it more and more often. I am sort of an old fashion type of gal in some ways...However, I still think that partners she at least try and help one another out. Just like a partnership....I don't know what happened , but at least in my current relationship here with my fiancé, he claims "he's the Man", and wants to lay down his "man" rules, but doesn't bring anything to the table. And for me its not just about the money, its about the lack of parenting, the lack of care, the lack of interest, and the all self absorbed attitude. AT least this is what I see with my DF. And I thing you are right , If he indeed loved me , none of this would be going on...I know for certain, he gave BM everything, and when he wasn't working(at least what he told me) is he tried everything to keep it going smooth...However , I cant see how that happened being out of work all that time, all the time even when he was with his ex....It is just so mind boggling and I cant seem to wrap my head around it...Very upsetting.....
But thank you both so very much for all your support and kids words!! :):)
Dear Tommar, She doesn't
Dear Tommar,
She doesn't work,she never did, since my DF first met her.. she has multiple boyfriends that the skids have said move in and move out every few months, sHe calls them her "money bags"! Real nice huh.....
She gets money from my CS payment to her(cuz I paid it for DF, or was paying it). When he was married to her, he did work on and off, and he did tell me he borrowed money from family most of the time to get threw his tough times when he was laid off. His parents own a very lucrative business, and helped them out a lot during the last stretch of their marriage. However since DF has been out of his old home, and div'd he stopped paying the mortgage, wheather borrowed money, or his temp jobs paying bills. Currently the state pays her electric, and damn, she doesn't have to worry about food for the kids because for as long as I can remember my asshole Fiance was dropping food off to them once a week after I would give him money for it, because skids would call everyday saying BM was not home and there was no food in the house and they were ALL starving, and me having a BIG heart , and as much as I cant stand 2 out of 3 of them, I wouldn't want them to starve, its bad karma for me........However, most weekends the youngest is with us anyway......Forget the property taxes, that are escrowed threw their mortgage, or rather, now her mortgage, because he signed it all over to her. I assume the mortgage comp is paying those to the town, and she has a REAL BIG shortage in that escrow account of her's...It has been well over 5 years that mortgage has NOT been paid.....I don't get it either. I sold my home when I divorced so I don't know how in the hell she is still hanging on with this house at all....
So where is your OH (hes
So where is your OH (hes certainly not DF and tbh I would start calling him ex OH) till 12 at night if he doesnt work!?! :jawdrop: Its
one thing to have separate hobbies/interests and some time apart to pursue these, the fact hes happily using you to pay for his, his kids and ex wifes life, you would think he would be waiting for you to get home with a cooked meal, bubble bath some nights to demonstrate his love and appreciation of you. The fact he consistently shows his contempt of you and is out (quite probably chasing skirt or with his "ex") till extremely late so he doesnt have to spend quality time with you, says EVERYTHING. This is why they say actions speak louder than words...
You do know hes going to realise soon that you are starting to detach yourself financially from him and are considering leaving, especially when he finds out the cell phone isnt being paid as usual, and the usual wooing will be implemented as he thinks you are a soft touch?! Be prepared for his usual bag of manipulative tricks he will employ to ensure your continued servitude to HIS needs, most esp financially. You really need to not to rengage with him, his kids and get far away from him pronto. Dont crumble and focus on all the things you will not miss by peeling this parasite off your back!
Dear Delilah , Ah yes, that
Dear Delilah ,
Ah yes, that is one big question. where is he at night? Well, he does have his "workout hobby"..I have always been very patient with his hobbies...And he has always done this, however, he is coming home later and later over the last few weeks. I swear if this "incident" didn't pop up, I might not have even noticed that he was pushing his time later and later. But things work in mysterious ways.....He is a leech, that I do know now. I have disengaged completely now. I am sure he will hit the roof knowing his phone will be shutting off, and that he has 2 weeks until his next support payment needs to be mailed out. A payment that I will NO longer be supplying. I can see it now! He will be very manipulative, and try and smooze me in thinking I am wrong, and Im over reacting, and he loves me, blah blah, blah....I just pray to God I can be strong and not give in to this behavior. I look back on this all, and cant imagine any of it...Its scary, its sad, and I am down right mad. I feel used, and actually abused.....He has not once had a meal prepared for me when I get home for work, instead it was demands for me to cook him something he can take along with him while he goes to do his "hobbies"....Im at the end of the rope for sure...and I am so happy I found this site and all of you lovely folks so that I could vent here. I feel as if my head is going to implode due to my hurt and frustrations. Thank you so much for all your support! It means so much to me.
Dear RipleyV2, You are a
Dear RipleyV2,
You are a doll. Thank you so much for sending this my way!
I think a call to the local Police department cant hurt. He is not on any of the bills, not event the electric for that matter, so he has no proof of being a legitimate tenant, at least not on paper. I will call the Police and ask then their thoughts and procedures on how to handle this....The one thing I do fear about staying is that he will retaliate. Now I am not 100% sure, but I think this is going to send him for a tailspin, so I would much rather have a place where I can go and move all of my stuff out when he is out at night "doing his Hobbies"...I know that is a coward way to do it, but I don't forsee anything good happening once I tell him he has to go, or telling him I'm out...I think to some extent I am slightly scared he might flip his lid.....
Thank you so much for all your support and for getting me this information....It means so much to me
Dear Icansorelate, Thank you
Dear Icansorelate,
Thank you so very much. That was just so very sweet of you to say. Thank you thank you :):):)...I am just focusing on my son, and his well being, and our plans for a stress free future. My son means the world to me, and I really am ashamed that I have let this go on for as long as I have. I guess prior to me actually writing this all down here on this site I really didn't know(at least to this extent) that this is insanity. There is no other way to slice this.
I hope to make a quick and clean get away shortly. When he does go out and about this evening, I will be moving more items over to my families home, to get a bigger head start. I just feel guilty in some ways and I know I shouldn't. I have to stop letting my heart lead me in this, and think with my head. I need to remember all of the abuse I put up with here , and move on....Thank you again so much for all your support. Your support means the world to me.