I have money saved up for retirement and I had my own home before I met DH. My DH had debt with his ex, no savings, and was renting his home when he met me. Since we've been together he's learned how to save and invest. We bought a house with my significant down payment but he is on the deed as an equal owner. He also stood up to his ex who was providing little financial support for his kids even though she made about the same income as him.

Now, financially, it's more of an equal share that DH and BM pay for the children even though she doesn't see the kids often. It's been three years and a lot of frustration, but DH and I are moving in the same direction. DH still expects to retire with mostly my money because he won't have enough of his own savings by then. For me, knowing that I'm already going to be providing the bulk of our retirement and that I spent my entire life saving money while he was spent his money on his ex and spends frivolously on his kids (I'm super frugal, which is why I have money) makes me mad. I feel like I've already been generous by giving and fighting for him and his children to have a loving stable home environment, teaching them various life skills, and will be giving DH the ability to retire, which was something that he never thought about at all before meeting me.

I don't want DH to provide financial support to his children for college because that would eat into what he should be saving for our retirement. He already supports the kids by paying for whatever sports activity they want, going out to movies every week, games, clothes, electronics, excessive meals out, etc. He might think of these as necessities for the kids, but, my opinion is that if he saved all that money instead throughout their lives, he probably would have enough to pay for their college and then some. But that's not what he did, so I'm adamant that we do not pay for the kids' college. It's not fair to me and what I have planned for our future.

Plus, I didn't grow up with all the activities and advantages that the kids have now. When I was in high school, I paid for my own clothes and entertainment. I was independent - I took the bus and train everywhere. I applied to various programs and experienced lots of rejection. I worked at my dad's business. I applied myself in school. I worked hard for scholarships. I was mature in a lot of ways - I learned to be proactive for things that I wanted. I went off the college four months after I turned 17. But his children are not the same. They expect DH and I to do everything for them. I tell SD to look into schools and scholarships and she does nothing and asks me to do it for her. She cries and wants to live with us after high school. She doesn't want to grow up and wants us to financially support her and her endeavors.

At least DH is on board with me for the most part. He knows he has to save for retirement. My only hope is that he sticks with the plan.