My husband's ex was high conflict. During their separation, during their divorce (she dragged it out way too long and held kids hostage), after the divorce, while he was dating me, and after we were married.

I never met her. I will never meet her. She asked, no DEMANDED to meet me and see our home. The nerve. No. No. No.

Never meet a high conflict crazy woman. Ever.

If she seems reasonable, rational, has a good working relationship with your husband that doesn't cross boundaries and pertains only to the well being of the children, then yes. It might be good to meet someone like that. I wish I knew what that was like.

It depends. Is she problematic? Does she refuse to co-parent with your dh? If so, I'd say no. If she seems nice and isn't a loon, go ahead.

I met Bm shortly after Dh and I started dating and she literally meeked out a "hi" and turned around because she didn't want to face me, to this day I don't think she's ever even made eye contact with me. She's been a real PITA and I wish I never even met her... if that's what you would even consider our introduction as.

If she's moved on and is a normal rational person, I would imagine you could only benefit from meeting her. But if she's a a-hole, there is nothing good that could come from you two meeting.

Do not meet BM, if she is anything like ours was. In fact, do your best to let BM forget you even exist. I was the HUGE thorn in BM's side and her crazy would REALLY come out if I even went with for the pick ups/drop offs.

She didn't want him but didn't figure that he would actually move on!

I cannot think of one good reason to meet her. Not one.

I've only seen BM a few times in 18 years and it was a few times too many.

I didn't meet BM until we had been together for 3 years, married for 1. It was at SD's high school graduation. I was shocked...I had never seen a picture of her, and I couldn't believe my DH was married to her! She looked old enough to be his mother! Anyway, I've only met her 2 other times, and we've been together almost 9 years. There's no reason to meet, and it's better this way. The less we have to do with her, the easier it is to keep the past in the past.

It really doesn't matter if she's high conflict or not, don't waste your time meeting her. She'll either want to be your bestfriend or your worst enemy and in all honesty you don't want BM as either! If you've gone this far and haven't met her then she's clearly not worried about you. Don't open the door of negative drama

"She has not even asked to meet me"

Your SS is just short of 16yrs old and you've been with your DH 3yrs. Just because you married the father a couple weeks ago, why would you feel a need to have to or even want to meet the BM now? Except for the fact you now have a ring on your finger and a marriage license, what really is different than say for example, six months ago? One year ago?

There's no need to be the 'one to initiate this sh*t storm' and no pressuring to do so. Your relationship with SS is whatever it has been (good, bad or indifferent) and marrying his father doesn't change the fact you are Dad's choice of female to share Dad's life with and you are whoever you've been to SS for the past three years as far as being in SS's life, being an adult authority figure who assists DH in running your home blah blah. Dad has a new wife, but you're still the same Glenda to SS.

Relax. Just be yourself and who you've always been with the SS. Let DH continue to deal with and do the communicating with BM. Be happy you don't have to be involved with BM (or than how it affects your DH and being sure proper boundaries are in place). The day of some event where the parents both partake in (such as high school graduation) that you will likely run into each other, but that doesn't have to be a traumatic ordeal. 'Hello, BM, I'm Glenda. We're all so proud of SS' (or whatever) and move on.

In fact, reaching out now and trying to meet and 'get to know BM' might actually set BM off. She may actually view the attempt as some kind of pushy and/or busybody move that makes her think you now have some role in her son's life that is different than the one you've had all along. You could suddenly become a imagined threat to her and you could accidently open that door for the sh*t storm to rain down on your head.