He FINALLY gets it! There IS hope....(maybe)
Ok, its been TWO years and two separations. 
However, each time, BF has gotten closer and closer to accepting the truth about his child. I have finally made a bond with SS6 (it happened over time, I couldn't force it). BF and I have fought and he has fought me on the truth. He has left, I have left and finally, FINALLY, he is accepting the truth of it all.
We made SS6 repeat kindergarten. Why? He learned nothing. We changed schools. I talk to his teacher every day and there is almost always a problem. He has to sit away from the rest of the class in a desk facing a wall in order to focus despite being on Concerta and Methlyn. He has his good days and he has his bad. BUT, his teacher pointed out and his psychiatrist recently what I have known ALL ALONG - there is something else wrong other than ADHD.
My mother came with me to my stepson's Thanksgiving program. They were counting and using their fingers. All the kids in the class were getting it but him. I didn't say a word but my mother noticed and mentioned it. If you ask him why he did something wrong, his response is "Because I'm not supposed to." Not in a smarty pants way. He is the absolute sweetest kid, but he doesn't get the question at all.
Looking at a sheet of paper with numbers listed 1 to 100, he can have his finger on the number 20. You ask him what number comes after 20 and he has no idea. I ask him, "When you had a birthday when you were 5, what came after that?". He says "I was 6!". Ok, "so what comes after 20?". He doesn't know and will start crying.
And it isn't me nitpicking. His father mentioned to me this morning that he realizes something is off too. His son doesn't understand the simplest of questions.
Me: "Do you know where you left your jacket?"
SS6: "It was the first day. It was the first day or the second."
Me: "What do you mean the first day or second? That you lost it?"
SS6: "Yes, I lost it the first or second day. Josh can't bring socks but he did have his pajamas."
Hunh??
For example yesterday, I woke him up and told him to use the bathroom and then get dressed. He said he had to go to the bathroom. "Ok, well go. I just said to go. Nobody is in the bathroom, honey." The bathroom is literally four steps away from his room.
I went to go finished getting dressed myself. Next thing I know, he is yelling out that he peed on himself. I just told him to go to the bathroom when he said he had to go. It's like it didn't connect for him.
And again, his father has noticed too. "I just told you to put that up. But you're sitting here playing with it. Why?" his answer: "Because I'm not supposed to." His father "But that's not an answer. Why didn't you put it up when I told you to?". Him: "Because I'm supposed to be good."
His psychiatrist thinks he should see a counselor for therapy and we start next month. Maybe then I can get an idea of maybe what's wrong and get him tested. I'm just so relieved and happy that his daddy gets that it isn't just ME nitpicking. No more fighting about it. He has accepted and KNOWS something is wrong and is ready to get help for it.
During a lengthy call with his teacher, she even said something is wrong and off. SS6 can be in trouble and it doesn't register for him...at all. It's like he is this ball of hugs and love with no idea or understanding when he is in trouble.
Me: "We will go have ice cream if you are good today!"
Him: "Yayyy!"
2 hours later, has been disobedient and just won't listen
Me: "I want you to go to your room and think about what just happened. You know the house rules."
Him: "Ok!! Are we going to have ice cream after that??".
There is a disconnect. I'm looking forward to getting a name or an idea of what exactly is wrong.
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Comments
I'm glad BF is finally on
I'm glad BF is finally on board! The earlier he gets the help he needs the better!
YES, bltnye. I swear I could
YES, bltnye. I swear I could do a backflip while reading your post because I have yet to meet someone who has experienced this. It leaves me so confused.
His teacher told me that all day he had been in trouble and each time, he would leave from a time out skipping back to his seat. He doesn't seem to understand much at all. I am wondering how he will survive life like this or if this is something he will grow out of.
Did your SS's therapist mention noticing these issues too? Is that why they diagnosed him with ODD? It's always like a relief when someone else notices these things from SS6 because I've almost felt like it was all in my head.
Thank you for responding,
Thank you for responding, Tog. I am going to look into it, but based on the description I just looked up after I read your message, I doubt that's it. A few things fit, but he is almost certainly ADHD.
His teacher has reported him walking and pelvic thrusting...even hitting his pelvis to the kids ahead of him in class. Jumping up and running around the cafeteria for no reason. Perhaps CAPD AND ADHD? I guess we will soon see. I do understand that quite frequently, ADHD comes with some other disorder as well.
Just a side note on that. My
Just a side note on that. My 5 year old *might* have an auditory processing disorder, but the doctor says they don't test for it until age 7 at the earliest but usually more like 8 or 9. So this little one might be slightly too young for testing, at least for that. (Or at least for the disorder my son might have! I think there are a lot of things that can fall under "auditory processing disorder".)
My bestfriends son is like
My bestfriends son is like that they haven't discussed what yet they have them in parenting classes to learn how to deal with it, adjusting the diet of the child has helped some though. watch out for dyes and some other foods. look into it.
The school district is a
The school district is a nightmare, however my mother is an attorney and went up against them recently and they finally did what they were LEGALLY supposed to do (completely different child and issue). So, after school starts again, my mother and I are going to go to the Special Education department to talk about getting him tested.
Also, I swear I have been thinking about him being on the Autism spectrum since I met him.
I am so glad for all of the
I am so glad for all of the responses, ESPECIALLY from those who have had similar experiences with their child or stepchild. I just am so looking forward to finding out what it is that is going on.
I read some of your stories and I think no, maybe its not THAT because he doesn't actually refuse to do anything. "Go take your bath". He will and will say "yes, maam" before doing so. But if you don't stay on top of it, he will sit in a bathtub with NO toys for 2 hours before washing himself. Literally. No toys. Just a rag and soap.
No, he doesn't wash until he
No, he doesn't wash until he is told to stop. He just sits there in the tub before even STARTING unless you go say something. He will do it for HOURS.
It does sound like he might
It does sound like he might be on the spectrum. My son got diagnosed when he was 4, it's been 10 years and alot of hard work but he's in regular classes now, he knows how to handle his overload episodes and is very proud of himself which is the best reward for him.
I'm so happy you have your mother to help, schools now a days are no help. I hope once he gets a proper diagnosis things will get better for all of you. Good luck.
They were helpful after he
They were helpful after he was diagnosed. But I know what you mean, when my youngest went to school they looked for something wrong with him too and couldn't find anything so what did they do? They put him in ESL since his father speaks spanish at his house. I told them that english is his first language but they still kept him in there until 2nd grade. Funnily enough the damn ESL teacher didn't even speak spanish. smdh
The school must test this
The school must test this child to see if he has a learning disability. They can do a IQ test, psychological test, etc. And it will not cost you a dime. Talk to his teacher/principal immediately about having him tested. I am surprised that the teacher has not suggested this already.
Yeah, I addressed that
Yeah, I addressed that earlier, dogtac69. I asked the teacher about him being tested and she said that the school district sucks and tries to NOT test them until 3rd or 4th grade.
But like I mentioned previously, my mother has had some run-ins with the school district with some other disability issues legally and is going to contact them about him being tested once school gets started.
His teacher has said he needs help grasping the skills they are to be learning this year....and this is his SECOND time taking kindergarten.
I see that you are in TX.
I see that you are in TX. texas is notorious for wiggling its way out of having to do right by kids with special needs. I suggest your DH do several things:
1. send a certified letter to the Director of Special Education ( or Chairperson of the Committee on Special ed, the titles vary) and state that you are requesting that the school district urgently evaluate your SS because he is regressing. Have him say that he suspects SS has a disablity and requires special ed. Then when the school invites you to the meeting, go with your mom after notifying the school she is an attorney. You mean business. They are asleep at the wheel. Your SS's teacher should have referred him for an eval months ago.
2. Find a reputable children's hospital and take your SS there to see a developmental pediatrician or for a multi-disciplinary eval. Do not jump on the autism band wagon blindly (your SS's sweet disposition does not mesh with your typical autism presentation, for one). However, i do believe his issues may be developmental, pretty broad, rather than just attentional or language processing based. The evals your school district will do will likely not include a developmental ped. eval - it costs money. You can push them to cover it but it may take a while. When the kid is so young and obviously floundering time is of the essence. If your DH has health ins. for your SS going via insurance route may save time. I know Houston has fabulous hospitals, not sure if they are too far from you.
What i find interesting is that your SS scripts ( memorizes long sentences and uses them out of context) - See Josh and his socks/pajamas, as well as "I am not supposed to". This is his coping device. WHY questions must be hard for him. He found a fine way to cope by answering them with long sentences that sound as if they belong in this conversation. That is not necessarily bad - a good speech therapist will be able to help him use language more productively. The fact that he is able to memorize those shows that his memory skills are intact. Language skills seem impaired. He might also have cognitive weaknesses if repeating K is not helping him much. Why would it help if he is being taught the same way - the way that he obvioulsy cannot learn.
Keep us posted. Glad your DH saw the light. You and your SS are lucky your mother can help you. If you need additional advice or practical help, look for an educational advocate ( find your state on copaa.org).