Let them go or force to stay...

So Skids (SD11 and SS12) cannot behave in public. DH took them to the mall and they are pushing each other into other people in the mall. So he yells at them. He does discipline most of the time luckily. Now they want to go back to their moms. I should have kept my mouth shut but I told them that they don't get to decide that. That there is a court order in place. They think they have it so bad.... we spent tons on them for Christmas and my parent's and brother spent tons on them for Christmas.

If we behaved like that as kids we would have gotten our asses beat by my dad. But we didn't behave like that EVER.

So should DH take them home just because they want to go?

They are usually 'ok' kids so I haven't been disengaged but I don't want to deal with the spoiled brats anymore.

Flying.Purple.Step.Monster's blog
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So should DH take them home

So should DH take them home just because they want to go?

No. As much as you might like to, it sends the wrong message and actually teaches them how to manipulate to get their way.

They do need to be disciplined for their behavior.

DH let his sons decide

DH let his sons decide whether to stay or go. The OSS decided not to come over anymore from about 15 yrs old. Nothing we could do but DH had let him make his own rules for so long that the minute he went off the rails SS thought the standard practice would prevail. DH learnt his lesson there.

The YSS decided 3 yrs later to leave his mothers place because his older brother/ OSS was being a bully and come and live with us full time. He called my daughter who drove over and picked him up. BM was NOT happy. When she spoke to DH and told him YSS has to come back he told her "Well, that would be exactly what you told OSS isn't it? That he could not hide out at your place and not see me?" It shut her down very quickly.

Never ever let the kids call the shots. Sure it is easier to let them go away because they are so annoying and feral. But this will encourage them to misbehave in the future and set a precedent that BM will milk for all she can.

At ages 11 and 12, no these

At ages 11 and 12, no these kids don't get to run home and play victim whining to Mommy about how mean ol' Dad jumped their butts for being brats.

Don't make them stay based on things like how much money blah blah was spent on them , that has nothing at all to do with making them stay or not. These kiddos got in hot water being ill behaved at the Mall. Now they stay and face the consequences. They were not just misbehaved but they also involved total strangers in their little game of acting out. That doesn't deserve getting to now run home and hide behind BM.

Your DH is a parent, tell him to be the parent. I absolutely cringe each and every time I read about skids here who are allowed to run back and forth between houses depending on who is getting them angry or hurting their little fee-fees this time. No. No letting the kids escape. When they are old enough to go before a judge and legally per your state laws/guidelines tell a judge where they want to live or decide for themselves visitations or not? Well, face that when it comes. At 11 and 12yrd old, no. Naughty kids get consequences no matter how much they'd rather flee. If DH let's those kids escape this time, he might as well just politely give up all of his visitation/parenting time now because these kids will from now on run right over him.