Trying to talk some logic into DH doesn't work.
I have a torn shoulder and DH is waiting surgery on his neck. Basically I messed up my shoulder years ago in basic training and then getting ready for my new job and taking care of the house since DH is hurt, I injured myself. So we have had many nights lately were neither of us can sleep. So it's about 330am this morning and we are in the back yard smoking..
DH. I need to talk to SD about all of SGD unexcuses absents. I got another call
Me. DH, it's been 3 times and she got doctors notes and turned them in when SGD went back to school
DH. Well, that is 3 times to many. What is SD doing?
Me. DH, relax. It's Not that many and there were days SGD was being slow, would be late and you would just keep her home. Those are truly unexcused absents. SD been doing really well with SGD. Give her some credit
DH. sGd only got a 89 on her project SD helped her with.
Me. Yes, because SD doesn't do it for her. Her project last year while she was here was turned in 4 days late. sGD had no punishment and you basically rewrote it for her. You can't expect better of SD then you did yourself.
DH. Well, I'm mad SD has her BFF livin. With her. She is probably leaving SGD with BFF. She did that last time she had her. Didn't even know BFF but a couple of months.
Me. Wait, DH, you told me SD left SGD with complete strangers.
DH. She did. She only knew BFF a couple of months
Me. DH, your not being logical. When you went back to work after we became neighbors and left SGD with me, we only knew each other a couple of months. Why is everything so different if SD does it?
DH. You don't get it. It is different.
Me. Only to you DH. Because your the one doing it and can justify it to yourself.
And back to bed I went.
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Meh to your hubby. Side
Meh to your hubby.
Side note..why does he need neck surgery? I too might have to have it.
He's a medic. Had 2 majorly
He's a medic. Had 2 majorly blogging disks and 2 ruptured. Cortazone shots didn't help
I have pinched nerve and my
I have pinched nerve and my spinal cord is crooked in my neck. Getting muscle wasting in my left arm. 2 spinal epidural shots. Really don't want to do the surgery...heard its a very dangerous one.
Quit smoking. It is
Quit smoking. It is expensive. Put your money into savings so that if you are left on your own, you will have something to fall back on. It will kill you. It makes you smell bad. It makes your skin wrinkle like an old woman's.
I know I have quit sooo many
I know I have quit sooo many times. And with the academy coming up in Febuary, I will be quitting again. I had actually been 7 weeks no smoking when I met DH. We were neighbors in the townhouses and literally our balconies were separated by a 2x4. He smokes, balconies off our bedrooms... Any idea how hard it was to not ask for a cigarette?!? Of course, I caved.
I know how hard it is to quit
I know how hard it is to quit smoking. It took me years and multiple times before I was able to quit. And living with someone else who smokes would make it close to impossible. Maybe you could get him to quit with you.
Yes, wonderfully helpful
Yes, wonderfully helpful advice. Damn, why didn't I think of that ?!?!? Lol
How can he not see how biased
How can he not see how biased he is being?
He kept the kid home for running late and projects 4 days late were "OK", but SD is fucking up?
So... why does he have it out for SD so bad? Is this his biological child and your SD, or his SD?
This is actually his EX SD
This is actually his EX SD and her kid. Like he got married at 19 to her mom, had SD25, got divorced and stayed in and out of her life. Then had nothing to do with SGD until SD started having problems and needed DHs help. And he agreed to take care of her until SD was back on her feet. Then wouldn't give her back, and told SD to take him to court. Then up and sent her back to her moms.
I can see if he still has CO
I can see if he still has CO guardianship of SGD, that he feels he must oversee how mom/daughter's progress is coming along. Mom is still kind of like under a probation period right now on whether or not she can raise SGD and keep it up or perhaps fall back.
However, you're correct that DH needs to admit when SD is indeed trying and doing a fair job of it. He does need to give her credit and stop looking at her and her abilities as to her past. This is now. So far she's not doing anything wrong or anything differently then what DH himself did while he was raising SGD. It's pretty much human nature to judge other's on a more intense level than judging one's self. You are correct in pointing out the hypocritically manner of level he is holding SD to that was not a level he had himself to.
He's having trouble letting the child go and leaving her in SD's care. But if mother and daughter are doing well and adjusting to life together, he needs to stand back and let them continue and find their way together.
You said exactly how I feel.
You said exactly how I feel. He needs to step back and let it go. DH holds people to their past even with proof that things are different. His DD25 used to be flaky and unreliable. She has come through for us many times in the last couple of years. She has grown up. DH refuses to see it and still holds her at the flaky and unreliable.
It's maddening to see how he puts people in boxes and no matter what they do, they can never leave it.
SGD is the one person in his life that he has boxed as a poor innocent victim and nothing she does is wrong.