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Why do men cheat - list - what else?

sixteensmom's picture

Submitted by sixteensmom on Sun, 10/26/2014 - 12:40am

what other excuses are out there that men give for cheating on their spouse - whether is was physical or just emotional texting and emails.

They're assholes
sex additiction
mid-life crisis
feel too tied down
lonely at home
wife got fat
wife turned into a nag
wife stopped being fun
wife is all about work
wife is all about kids
what else?

Comments

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Sun, 10/26/2014 - 1:56am

I've heard some say they were/are depressed, and offer the excuse of a bad home life.

IDGAF what their excuses are. If things are so bad they should leave.

sixteensmom's picture

Submitted by sixteensmom on Sun, 10/26/2014 - 3:16am

I agree , infidelity is a deal breaker. But I'm trying to be a good friend and my bff is crying on my shoulder that this has happened to her and just want to help her. I'm certain they'll work throught this and I think less happened than sh thinks, but still, what are some excuse you can this of?

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Sun, 10/26/2014 - 4:15am

The depression/bad home life/not enough sex are the most common excuses I've heard.

Please advise her to seek out a counselor. If her husband won't go, she might want to go on her own.

HungryEyes's picture

Submitted by HungryEyes on Mon, 10/27/2014 - 11:50am

"Entitlement enables men to do all manner of scummy things (including cheat) because their dick is the rotisserie around which the world revolves."

This should be a tshirt. I want this tshirt.

CarlisleW's picture

Submitted by CarlisleW on Sun, 10/26/2014 - 7:22am

Not getting enough 'attention' so when a younger, impressionable girl (who didn't know he was in a relationship, I know this because I met with her and her mum!) gave him attention his ego got stroked... :sick:

z3girl's picture

Submitted by z3girl on Sun, 10/26/2014 - 8:55am

Because he can
He's bored
Wants to make sure he's not missing out on something different
Doesn't care about wife (waiting for kid to get older to finally leave)
Here's the "best": Makes me appreciate what I have at home even more!

blayze's picture

Submitted by blayze on Sun, 10/26/2014 - 10:24am

He doesn't respect himself and/or he doesn't respect his partner.

Edit: Oh wait... the reasons that HE gives? A cheating man wouldn't give the reasons I listed, but those are the reasons why people cheat.

sixteensmom's picture

Submitted by sixteensmom on Sun, 10/26/2014 - 10:35am

I'm not just making a list for her, together we are working up a list of potential reasons so she's prepared for the conversion. He is traveling this week.she found emails and chats indicating there have been dinners and drinks with a woman he told her he wouldn't speak to again.And he lied to her and told her that women wouldn't be in Montreal this week, but the chat messages shows she is in fact there and they had dinner.

She's devastated and feels stupid for believing that he would stay away from this co worker. He absolutely swears nothing went on but...

Her gut and mine as someone who has known them for 40 years is that he lied because she would have flipped if she knew the woman co worker was there. I don't think they actually had sex but I think he's not an angel

MotheringHeights's picture

Submitted by MotheringHeights on Sun, 10/26/2014 - 10:40am

He's away? Forget that shit, get her opening bank accounts in her name and start getting her prepared, that'll be more beneficial.

bellladonna's picture

Submitted by bellladonna on Sun, 10/26/2014 - 11:19am

I'll probably get a lot of flack for this, but here goes....I agree with the other poster that NO ONE is perfect. We all make mistakes. When I was in college and I had this boyfriend, he was my first love. We were engaged and were to get married when we graduated. Well, he cheated on me. With a 32 y/o woman, no less. At the time we were 22 and 32 seemed ancient. LOL! I was like you cheated on me, and with an old lady! Me and my friends nicknamed her granny panties. My ex felt very guilty and confessed he cheated. He said he made a big mistake he was sorry and loved me. He did not get caught.

Anyway, I was crying on my best guys friend's shoulder for weeks. And he finally told me that I was 50% to blame. Oh HELL NO! There's no way in hell I'm taking 50% of the blame for him cheating on me. I'm innocent in all this. I was a good fiancee. I did everything. I can't believe he would do this to me. At the time my 22 year brain and broken heart couldn't understand what he was saying. In my case I was really 50% to blame. My ex wasn't an asshole he made a mistake. One that I was complicit in. I wasn't a great fiancee. We were both taking each other for granted. Also, we had grown apart. And neither one of us wanted to admit it. Maybe if I hadn't taken him for granted or been honest with myself that we had grown apart all this could have been prevented. So, yes, I did take some of the blame in this whole thing. Maybe not 50%, but I did play my part.

I think when an otherwise "good guy" cheats, it's complicated. It's not just easy to say he's an asshole, he's selfish, he lacks integrity. There is usually a lot of things that lead up to the cheating. It's not just one thing that women like to believe.

bellladonna's picture

Submitted by bellladonna on Sun, 10/26/2014 - 11:59am

I was talking about the part I played in the whole situation. That I was not a great fiancee and that we had indeed grown apart. I hadn't admitted to myself that we had grown apart. I was immature and didn't know how to be in a relationship, didn't know who I was or what I wanted. So in MY case, I did play a part in the whole thing. I see that now. If I knew then what I know now, I would have ended the relationship and the cheating wouldn't have happened.

I have no idea what he told the other woman. I just know what he told me. And at the time we were both immature and had no business being engaged.

So, yes I did have some culpability. And that was not being honest with myself about the relationship.

AllySkoo's picture

Submitted by AllySkoo on Mon, 10/27/2014 - 12:04pm

Well... no. The point here is that you might have had a 50% responsibility for the death of the relationship - but you still had ZERO responsibility for his cheating. ZERO. That is ALL on him.

bellladonna's picture

Submitted by bellladonna on Sun, 10/26/2014 - 12:01pm

Thanks meerkat, you are right I did own 50% of the relationship problems and I should have gotten out.

AllySkoo's picture

Submitted by AllySkoo on Mon, 10/27/2014 - 12:07pm

Given what you've described, I think what's most likely to happen is NOT that he'll give any of those excuses - but that he will vehemently deny that any cheating is going on, he'll say he didn't tell her the other woman was going to be there because he "didn't want to upset her" or "didn't want to fight about this again", and then he will totally go on the attack about her "spying" on him to find these things out.

Your friend needs to be prepared. She should NOT defend herself against "spying" accusations, that is just playing into his misdirection - she needs to practice brushing that aside to get back to the real issue, which is him lying at the least and cheating at the worst.