What's his deal? Food issue
When DH and I first got together and I was around the skids I would always hear DH talk so much about how his kids like to eat. Oh his kids can eat their plate and then some. It was annoying. Like okay- encourage them to be fat asses. Ironically they did eat like grown men, yet never gained weight. But it was always "Oh my kids can eat" and he would say it all proud with some stupid grin on his face.
DH would order pizza and let them order salads and garlic bread and pop and wings.
We would go out to eat and they would need an appetizer, flavored lemonade, dinner, extra sides and dessert.
We would go through the drive thru and they would order a value meal, super sized and add some extras- cookies, milkshake, apple pie.
A meal was never enough. It was always a meal and then some.
So DH obviously has no issues making sure his kids "eat good".
Now my issue is that DH has a problem with my BS9 "eating good".
It's just DH, BS and I in the house. I do all of the grocery shopping and cooking. 85% of the time I buy meat on sale and stock up. Because it's just the 3 of us, I can afford to buy more expensive meat or food items- steak, shrimp, etc.
However whenever I cook these items, DH makes a big deal about BS "eating like a king."
BS has NO IDEA that him eating a steak costs more then him eating a hamburger.
Here are a few recent examples:
#1- I bought Haggen Daz ice cream bars. You get like 3 for $5- way over priced. Anyways I was eating one the other day and offered BS a bite and we shared it. So last night he asks me if he can have one of those ice cream bars. I told him we could share it again. But this wasn't before DH had to mention it like 4 times that those were expensive ice creams. That it was Zero's treat and those are expensive and BS should be lucky to have the expensive ice cream. WTH. Ice cream is ice cream to a 9 year old.
#2- While BS was getting the ice cream bar out, he noticed I had a thing of popcorn shrimp in the freezer. He mentioned it saying he couldnt wait to eat it for dinner. DH made this big deal "Oh yeah you get shrimp. You eat like a king" Dh says to me "My kids ate hot dogs when they were BS's age." I'm like the fuckin shrimp was $5 at Aldis! It's not that serious.
#3- We went out to dinner for our anniversary at an expensive resturant. DH got a steak that was $42. He didnt eat it all and brought it home. BS saw it in the fridge and asked if he could eat it. I said to DH "If you aren't going to eat your leftover steak can BS have it? You dont have to give it to him, he can have something else." DH was like noooo it's fine I probably wasnt going to eat it anyways. (Honestly I am the one who asked for a box, DH was just going to leave it). However we have now heard many times "Oh BS got to eat a $42 steak." "Oh you liked that $42 steak, must be nice to eat like that."
I'm getting really fucking annoyed.
#1- BS has NO IDEA what the cost of food is and I feel that DH is trying to shame him for "eating like a king". I am the one who picks what BS eats.
#2- I buy all the meats on sale. I also try to cook better food. I'd rather have my BS eat a nice piece of chicken then a hotdog.
#3- Its different circumstances. I can afford to feed BS "like a king." I have ONE kid and I have a GOOD job. We dont need to eat hotdogs. Unlike DH and BM who had 4 kids when they had CRAPPY jobs.
#4- Of course the double standard- DH's kids are entitiled to eat good, but BS- oh no it's a sin!
#5- I think there are some underlying issues with DH's mom and growing up. She was a POS mom. So in some ways I think that DH is "jealous" of what I can and do do for BS.
When DH starts on the food issues I automatically get pissed. I start cussing and pulling his kids and what they eat into it. It makes me mad.
Any ideas on how to best address this issue with DH?
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Comments
I was raised that way too. I
I was raised that way too.
I don't have kids but I think some of that thinking stuck with me anyway. One time I saw my ex's nieces and nephews eating sushi and I kind of felt the same way. I didn't say anything though. That is kind of rude.
I hear you! I recognized my
I hear you! I recognized my errant thinking when DH's kids moved in. I WANT them to eat more than just chicken nuggets and french fries. Fortunately, I think we have influenced them more than we think we have. BM has made a few snide remarks about "having" to go out and get things that we have introduced them to.
That is my thing... He makes
That is my thing... He makes sure his own kids eat well. It's no different then him taking his kids out to eat at McDonalds and they spend $40, then me buying some steaks and shrimp on sale and cooking them up with some nice veggies.
He has said before "BM and I
He has said before "BM and I ate the shrimp. The kids ate hotdogs."
Okay-well you guys had 4 kids. I am not going to make shrimp for us and then cook a hotdog for BS. That makes no sense.
ETA- But I do think it's kind of his old school thinking....
Yeah I guess I need to start
Yeah I guess I need to start making 2 meals- the one for the adults (steak and veggies) and one for the kid (hotdogs and fries). I'm using this line next time! Thanks rutherford
Yeah but if his kids were
Yeah but if his kids were here eating dinner with us every night I know for a FACT that he wouldnt have any problem with what we were all eating.
First I LOVE ALDI. I have
First I LOVE ALDI. I have this issue sort of. SO kids are VERY PICKY and one has food allergies so after COUNTLESS meals going to waste because his kids only eat certain foods I stopped cooking for them or even making safe meals for the kid with the allergies because he would snub his nose and demand chicken finger ans french fries. FUCK YOU I am NOT making 2 meals. Now I just cook what I cook and he cooks for them, but I hear ohh why did you make steak you know OSS can't eat it, why didn't you make xyz, well because he won't eat that either, or why don't you ever make this when skids are here, because I have and they didn't want it and made you make them something else.
I would just feed you BS what you want and tell you DH he is not eating like a king he is eating healthy food not processed crap.
Not much advice... but I want
Not much advice... but I want to throw in there an ode to my love of Aldi.
Chips and cookies are cheaper
Chips and cookies are cheaper there. Bottled water. Cheese. Fancy cheese too! Produce is usually good. I have went sometimes and its not the best. Fresh salsa! So good! Spices. Boxed shrimp
Those are some of the things that I buy there regularly that are cheap and good.
Now I am going to have to
Now I am going to have to stop at Aldi on my way home from work for some popcorn shrimp...
Aldi has a great selection of
Aldi has a great selection of chocolate, just saying. }:)
I want to add- if we had more
I want to add- if we had more then 1 kid in the house we probably wouldnt be "eating like kings". Its cheap to shop for just the 3 of us.
Another thing is that BS and I are fine eating a "simple" meal. Buttered spaghetti noodles and a can of green beans. Cereal and toast (breakfast for dinner). It's DH that wants the meat and a "real meal". So I figure, if I am going to buy meat, I might as well buy a meat that is good and that I know how to cook, or a meat that I want to actually eat.
Hotdogs- No thanks! Hamburger Helper- BARF.
I do explain to BS the cost
I do explain to BS the cost of food and I have talked to him about it before. He has wanted steak when we go out to dinner and I have explain to him that it's a little too expensive. I make him order off of the kids meal.
BS does somewhat have
BS does somewhat have "expensive" taste when it comes to food. A LOT of it comes from his dad and his family. Ex MIL is not from America. She grew up eating "fancy" foods. She was a nuclear engineer. She had money to buy the more expensive foods. She carried that on to my Ex who has carried it on to BS. To BS steak, seafood, etc that is normal food.
Now when I was with Ex and BS was little we were dirt poor. So instead of eating like Kings we were eating like pheasants. LOL. I grew up poor. I was poor in college. So I do like a nice meal. I like that I can afford to give that to my son. Even though I am buying it on sale.
Well I already know the
Well I already know the "eating like a king" will probably cut back some when BS is older. LOL. It's like for right now, I can afford for us to do steaks a couple of times a month. Not sure once BS starts eating a box a cereal a day and a loaf of bread in a couple of days.
DH does this but in reverse.
DH does this but in reverse. Whenever skids are over, we have to make sure we have a "proper" dinner for them. But when it's just us and my BS, it doesn't matter what's for dinner or if we eat on time.
BS and I can eat a simple meal as well. Not Skids. They have to have 12 courses and dessert.
DH does this with lots of things, not just food. Nothing is too good for skids but it's okay if my BS shops at Walmart.
I try to just ignore it and I definitely don't pay for the prince and princess.
And that is the thing. I pay
And that is the thing. I pay for majority of our groceries. I ask for DH to throw in maybe (???) $100 a month and that covers all food and household stuff that I buy. Not to mention if I do get take out, I make sure that I get some for DH. So even if I want to feed BS steak every single day, it's not coming out of his pocket, so I dont see what the big deal is.
Does your DH cook the "proper" meal for his kids?
My DH wont cook when its just me and BS. But if he kids came over, all of a sudden he is all concerned with cooking. That actually annoys me. It shouldnt because I dont have to cook, but its just the principle. Cant do it for us, but can go all out of his way for his kids.
Oh yes, he is all about
Oh yes, he is all about cooking the proper meal for skids but doesn't lift a finger when they aren't there. If they are over, we have to go get groceries, etc. If not, we could starve for all he cares.
We've had days where we were working on a project at the house. Instead of throwing something quick together, we have to take skids out to eat. They can't possibly be expected to eat something "quick". Again, it's okay if it's just us and my BS.
There's a difference between
There's a difference between eating well and eating a lot.
The SK's sound like they just eat LOTS, loading up on the fast food burgers, fries, shakes, cookies, etc.
Your DS eats WELL, meaning lean cuts of meat, vegetables, seafood etc.
I think I would point this out to your DH.
I would tell DH the
I would tell DH the following.
Please stop trying to shame my son about the way I feed him. You can think anything you want, but leave him out of it. I do not do that to your kids when you take them out to eat all the time.
I dont think he sees it as
I dont think he sees it as shaming. I do.
But I agree. It's going to stop.
I had no idea!
I had no idea!
I do think its a jealousy
I do think its a jealousy thing in some ways.
Like his mother didnt give 2 shits about him. I take very good care of my BS.
Him and BM had 4 kids and low paying jobs. I was smart enough to have 1 kid and I have a good job.
I think those are some of the underlying factors.
I had one child in my house
I had one child in my house forever. My son grew up eating steak, shrimp, fish, and lobster. At 5 his favorite meal was a grilled portabella mushroom toped with a filet mignon with grilled shrimp on top...he loved good food. He ate everything I cooked for his father and I. Our home was a not a diner, we all ate the same. He is passionate about food, he is a professional chef now.
When DH and I got together skids come over and all they want is mac and cheese, spaghetti, and loads of crap food. They are "picky" eaters....whatever...they like junk food and crap food. I don't make their dinners much, DH does. They have gotten better about eating good food at our home. We include them in planning meals and cooking. They've made great strides towards new foods. BM hates that, she'd rather still ration their food (could you imagine giving 5 fish sticks to a 14 yr old as a meal?)
I don't understand why OP's DH is making such a big deal out of what BS9 eats, I'd kindly tell him that he will eat what is served. You are not a short order cook. Providing good healthy food for your BS9 is a good idea and you are providing for him.
Your DH needs to knock that
Your DH needs to knock that shit off or he's going to end up giving your kid some kind of eating disorder or something.
Is HE paying to feed your son? No? Then he has no right to ever, ever comment on anything he eats. Make that DAMN clear to him.
Chef was raised that there is
Chef was raised that there is adult food and then there is kid food (aka kid-FRIENDLY food). I was never raised like that. I ate what was put in front of me whether it was fish and potatoes (not fish sticks and french fries) or filet mignon at a restaurant. My parents taught me table manners though. I will say that my mother always tried to save money when eating out and ended up ordering the cheapest thing on the menu--she often regretted it and started asking for some of my father's food!
Chef's "angels" were good at only demanding the finest JUNK food that one could nuke. They wasted anything healthy.
Yes my bio.
Yes my bio.