Keep in mind that you're not getting a representative sample of all BM/SM relations. The people that post on Steptalk are here because there are problems with BM, Skids, or both.
True...that's deff why im here. I have been a BM myself (not anymore since DH adopted BS) and I had my moments but I always put my kid first and I tried to get along with ex and his gf at the time but she kept doing stupid shit like withholding my son from me and forcing me to get the cops involved. She was one that didn't get that she had no legal rights over the skid. I really tried for my son though...I just dont get how so many BMs can be like this and many of them are also SMs their selves! Our BM is and I bet she flips if her BM sends the type of shit to her DH as she does to mine. I actually ran into her BM at the grocery store the other day...should have gotten her number so we could compare notes...lol
I mean yes BM has contributed to WHY her kids are a bunch of asses. But in general they are just a bunch of asses. And DH has contributed to that as well.
BM here has done some stupid stuff directly to me and DH. But DH is really good about not dealing with her. She is blocked from his phone and FB. I have her blocked from FB. We dont really have to deal with her. 3/4 kids are adults.
I wouldnt really call her "decent" but since I dont have to deal with her much and I REFUSE to deal with the skids, I am just indifferent to her I guess.
I'm here because of poor parenting/no parenting on my DHs account. I think many others are here because of inappropriate boundaries their DH/DW has with the BM/biodad. Because when it comes right down to it, I think many BMs/biodads are the way they are because our current spouses allows it. IMHO the current spouse is the majority of the problem. The BM/biodad just maximizes the current spouse's failings??!!
Then again, what do I know? I don't have a BM. Sorry to those I may have offended.
Im good with DH and SD most of the time. And when I do get upset with SD I know the behavior comes from BM so I do my best not to hold it against SD. BM though...oh BM....Im telling you Im gonna write to Obama about this once a year face punch with no charges to follow...what do you think he will say? lol
My sister is a good BM though which is why I went into this relationship with the wrong mindset. She and her ex can't stand the sight of each other but you wouldn't know it because they get along in front of their kids.
It used to be like this with our BM before SD was old enough to start school. We had our moments when DH and I first got together cuz BM was threatened DH was finally in a relationship and therefore another woman would be around her daughter regularly. We got past all that and all got along great for a couple years. Guess I should be grateful we at least got the couple years of mostly peace...Deff wont ever be like that again though. She has caused too much damage and DH and I will never trust her.
I honestly wish we could have a relationship like this with BM. I used to think she was a chick I could get along with. I guess I should have listened to DH when he said do you know why she called you crying about her DH? Cuz she has no friends! No one trusts her with their men and she backstabs like crazy. Yes I let her cry to me. I was trying to be a good person. See where that got me? uggg
BM is the only reason I'm here. I have some issues with SD7, because she's a child, and, not having any kids of my own yet, I'm still learning the skills to deal with her. But it's minor kid stuff. I found this site after googling "stepdaughter's mother is a crappy person" or something like that.
"DH gets the kids on the 1st 3rd and 5th Fridays of each month and that's it. We don't take them for summer because dh isn't going to pay child support AND child care for two kids. I'm not a fool. I'm sure BM doesn't like it but tough shit. I let her know that she wasn't calling the shots anymore."
Instead of that, have you guys considered going to court to get that part of the court order changed? I agree with PS on this...the kids need that time with their dad. Time with their dad is more important than money. Yes, it may be easy for me to say. But his not having them for summers gives BM much, much more time to do her PAS tricks.
You aren't a fool, but you sure sound like a control freak.
Yes my Skids BM is decent..can't believe that I just said that though! Both parents neglect the Skids I think. Skids BM isn't money hungry like the ones I read about on here, she will carry a conversation with anyone even with me, and she doesn't try to interfere with hubby and I.
DH's ex was pretty decent in the great scheme of things. After their divorce DH had minor issues with her here and there of course, but she was always pleasant to me.
I try to be a good BM. I think I am. I don't nose into exH's business...don't tell him what to do, and am always cordial and nice to the newest flavor....even if it means I have to introduce myself as exH will sometimes "forget"
Shit, I hope I'm considered decent. Me and SM her along great. The ex - well I can live without him, it's the SM who parents in our situation anyway.
I honestly gave to say I'm staggered at the CS amounts there, and sometimes alimony? There is in alimony here.
CSS is calculated weird here. I get none and I DD is at her dads 4 days a month. I am entitled to $16 per week according to the tax man. And yes, he has a full time well earning job.
I always think CS is just shit. Why is it a %age? Why does my child cost $16 per week and some else's cost $100 per week? If you want to cheat on me and leave me them get a second fucken job and pay for what your kid actually costs. Same goes for millionaires, it does NOT cost $10k a month to raise a child. Pick an amount and everyone pay the same per kid, based on food, school, basic necessities. Reading some of the amounts you guys pay, holy shit. No incentive for any BM to get off heir fat ass and work :(. It's more than what some people earn!
The pain in the ass BM was SM to SD17 and SS23 before having SSDs 9&7. She was an AWFUL SM. She gave the nice BM pure hell while she was married to DF. She was dumb enough to think she was hot shit since DF married her and not the nice BM. (They lived together for 8 years then things went bad).
Once DF became aware of how mean she treated his oldest two kids and how lazy she was, he divorced her. Their marriage lasted less than three years. Now that her kids are the SKs, she thinks I will treat them the way she treated SD17 and SS23.
Nope. Sad, greedy,lonely manipulator. Would feel sorry for her if it wasn't the consequence of her own behaviour.
Blames me for the break up of her "family" even though I didn't meet DH till 7 YEARS after she'd left.
My SDs BM is not fit to care for the kids. That's not just my opinion. That's the opinion of the court. That's the opinion of CPS. That's the opinion of her parents.
BM did a lot of PAS but what was worse was her leaving her girls with known sexual predators. Many of them lived with her and abused the SDs. She never used cs on the kids. They were filthy, unkempt and not always getting appropriate medical treatment. So that was on DH to take care of when they came over EOW. It was on him to take these girls to the hospital and for doctors to examine them to find out if they were molested or not (they were). So the state got involved and we went for custody. We got it. BM got visitation but she doesn't even do that. Her parents take the sds for visits. The SDs still, as you can imagine, suffer from bms neglect and disinterest.
As far as me and BM? I've never met her. May have to someday but don't want to.
I was naive enough to think maybe I could get along with BM. My mom always got along well with her sks bm and was nice to my stepmother. So I thought SDs BM would be like my mom/her sks nice BM. Boy was I wrong. But BM ironically taught me a valuable lesson. Never go into a stepfamily situation expecting to get along with everyone.
Comments
thanks for dashing the
thanks for dashing the hope...lol
I have 1 out of 4. yes you
I have 1 out of 4.
yes you read that correct one BM out of 4. She is the best!
you have 4 BMs?!? Good thing
you have 4 BMs?!? :jawdrop: Good thing at least one of them is good. You deserve at least that much! Damn!
Nope. That's what drove me
Nope. That's what drove me to post here.
Keep in mind that you're not getting a representative sample of all BM/SM relations. The people that post on Steptalk are here because there are problems with BM, Skids, or both.
True...that's deff why im
True...that's deff why im here. I have been a BM myself (not anymore since DH adopted BS) and I had my moments but I always put my kid first and I tried to get along with ex and his gf at the time but she kept doing stupid shit like withholding my son from me and forcing me to get the cops involved. She was one that didn't get that she had no legal rights over the skid. I really tried for my son though...I just dont get how so many BMs can be like this and many of them are also SMs their selves! Our BM is and I bet she flips if her BM sends the type of shit to her DH as she does to mine. I actually ran into her BM at the grocery store the other day...should have gotten her number so we could compare notes...lol
For most of us, the reason we
For most of us, the reason we are here is that we don't have a decent:
1. BM
2. skids
3. DH
Hmmmm, ditch problem three and one and two go away!
Same here! I mean yes BM has
Same here!
I mean yes BM has contributed to WHY her kids are a bunch of asses. But in general they are just a bunch of asses. And DH has contributed to that as well.
BM here has done some stupid stuff directly to me and DH. But DH is really good about not dealing with her. She is blocked from his phone and FB. I have her blocked from FB. We dont really have to deal with her. 3/4 kids are adults.
I wouldnt really call her "decent" but since I dont have to deal with her much and I REFUSE to deal with the skids, I am just indifferent to her I guess.
I don't have BM issues either
I don't have BM issues either (dead).
I'm here because of poor parenting/no parenting on my DHs account. I think many others are here because of inappropriate boundaries their DH/DW has with the BM/biodad. Because when it comes right down to it, I think many BMs/biodads are the way they are because our current spouses allows it. IMHO the current spouse is the majority of the problem. The BM/biodad just maximizes the current spouse's failings??!!
Then again, what do I know? I don't have a BM. Sorry to those I may have offended.
Im good with DH and SD most
Im good with DH and SD most of the time. And when I do get upset with SD I know the behavior comes from BM so I do my best not to hold it against SD. BM though...oh BM....Im telling you Im gonna write to Obama about this once a year face punch with no charges to follow...what do you think he will say? lol
And Australia too
And Australia too please!!!but I'd probably punch Abbott.... maybe it should be a 2 punch law?
Well I think most of us would
Well I think most of us would punch Obama if we could too...lol..Hes a real winner dont ya know
Nope!
Nope!
nope.
nope.
Our BM is far from decent.
Our BM is far from decent. She's my main gripe.
My sister is a good BM though which is why I went into this relationship with the wrong mindset. She and her ex can't stand the sight of each other but you wouldn't know it because they get along in front of their kids.
It used to be like this with
It used to be like this with our BM before SD was old enough to start school. We had our moments when DH and I first got together cuz BM was threatened DH was finally in a relationship and therefore another woman would be around her daughter regularly. We got past all that and all got along great for a couple years. Guess I should be grateful we at least got the couple years of mostly peace...Deff wont ever be like that again though. She has caused too much damage and DH and I will never trust her.
I honestly wish we could have
I honestly wish we could have a relationship like this with BM. I used to think she was a chick I could get along with. I guess I should have listened to DH when he said do you know why she called you crying about her DH? Cuz she has no friends! No one trusts her with their men and she backstabs like crazy. Yes I let her cry to me. I was trying to be a good person. See where that got me? uggg
BM is the only reason I'm
BM is the only reason I'm here. I have some issues with SD7, because she's a child, and, not having any kids of my own yet, I'm still learning the skills to deal with her. But it's minor kid stuff. I found this site after googling "stepdaughter's mother is a crappy person" or something like that.
"DH gets the kids on the 1st
"DH gets the kids on the 1st 3rd and 5th Fridays of each month and that's it. We don't take them for summer because dh isn't going to pay child support AND child care for two kids. I'm not a fool. I'm sure BM doesn't like it but tough shit. I let her know that she wasn't calling the shots anymore."
Instead of that, have you guys considered going to court to get that part of the court order changed? I agree with PS on this...the kids need that time with their dad. Time with their dad is more important than money. Yes, it may be easy for me to say. But his not having them for summers gives BM much, much more time to do her PAS tricks.
You aren't a fool, but you sure sound like a control freak.
Yes my Skids BM is
Yes my Skids BM is decent..can't believe that I just said that though! Both parents neglect the Skids I think. Skids BM isn't money hungry like the ones I read about on here, she will carry a conversation with anyone even with me, and she doesn't try to interfere with hubby and I.
DH's ex was pretty decent in
DH's ex was pretty decent in the great scheme of things. After their divorce DH had minor issues with her here and there of course, but she was always pleasant to me.
I try to be a good BM. I
I try to be a good BM. I think I am. I don't nose into exH's business...don't tell him what to do, and am always cordial and nice to the newest flavor....even if it means I have to introduce myself as exH will sometimes "forget"
Nope nope nope! And I
Nope nope nope!
And I wouldn't have a skid problem if I had a decent BM too!
Not me, not even a little
Not me, not even a little bit.
Shit, I hope I'm considered
Shit, I hope I'm considered decent. Me and SM her along great. The ex - well I can live without him, it's the SM who parents in our situation anyway.
I honestly gave to say I'm staggered at the CS amounts there, and sometimes alimony? There is in alimony here.
CSS is calculated weird here. I get none and I DD is at her dads 4 days a month. I am entitled to $16 per week according to the tax man. And yes, he has a full time well earning job.
I always think CS is just shit. Why is it a %age? Why does my child cost $16 per week and some else's cost $100 per week? If you want to cheat on me and leave me them get a second fucken job and pay for what your kid actually costs. Same goes for millionaires, it does NOT cost $10k a month to raise a child. Pick an amount and everyone pay the same per kid, based on food, school, basic necessities. Reading some of the amounts you guys pay, holy shit. No incentive for any BM to get off heir fat ass and work :(. It's more than what some people earn!
I I have one of each. The
I I have one of each.
The pain in the ass BM was SM to SD17 and SS23 before having SSDs 9&7. She was an AWFUL SM. She gave the nice BM pure hell while she was married to DF. She was dumb enough to think she was hot shit since DF married her and not the nice BM. (They lived together for 8 years then things went bad).
Once DF became aware of how mean she treated his oldest two kids and how lazy she was, he divorced her. Their marriage lasted less than three years. Now that her kids are the SKs, she thinks I will treat them the way she treated SD17 and SS23.
Nope. Sad, greedy,lonely
Nope. Sad, greedy,lonely manipulator. Would feel sorry for her if it wasn't the consequence of her own behaviour.
Blames me for the break up of her "family" even though I didn't meet DH till 7 YEARS after she'd left.
My SDs BM is not fit to care
My SDs BM is not fit to care for the kids. That's not just my opinion. That's the opinion of the court. That's the opinion of CPS. That's the opinion of her parents.
BM did a lot of PAS but what was worse was her leaving her girls with known sexual predators. Many of them lived with her and abused the SDs. She never used cs on the kids. They were filthy, unkempt and not always getting appropriate medical treatment. So that was on DH to take care of when they came over EOW. It was on him to take these girls to the hospital and for doctors to examine them to find out if they were molested or not (they were). So the state got involved and we went for custody. We got it. BM got visitation but she doesn't even do that. Her parents take the sds for visits. The SDs still, as you can imagine, suffer from bms neglect and disinterest.
As far as me and BM? I've never met her. May have to someday but don't want to.
I was naive enough to think maybe I could get along with BM. My mom always got along well with her sks bm and was nice to my stepmother. So I thought SDs BM would be like my mom/her sks nice BM. Boy was I wrong. But BM ironically taught me a valuable lesson. Never go into a stepfamily situation expecting to get along with everyone.