It's been just over a week since school's been out and I've had SD12 and SD8 full time (I'm at SAHM mom, DH works full time). DD12 has spent time with her bio dad so it's been skids 100% of the time and DD12 about 50%.

I'm normally engaged with the skids in most areas (deceased BM) and thought I had found my engagement groove/comfort zone.

But this first week has me reaching my patience's end already. Skids are horrible: willful disregard of simple rules, mean-girl comments towards DD12, sent two sleepover friends home crying on different days (SD12 was responsible for one, SD8 the other), baby behaviors (kicking seats, smearing newly cleaned windows, eating food in a way that causes a "full-face" smeared mess, running off if I dare take my eyes off them for a minute), requiring repeated and unnecessarily frequent reminders/nagging to do (or not do) something, baby talking, interrupting, getting into trouble at stores which require a worker to tap my shoulder and point it out, insinuating themselves in adult conversations with questions they already know answers to or offering opinions that aren't welcome or solicited, etc. I know these behaviors aren't "huge" issues in the grand scheme of things, and are simply just issues that erode the peaceful/stable family environment I try so hard to maintain. I addressed each above example when it happened but not only has it not improved, things are getting more frequent/worse. I'm very unhappy.

I shared my concerns with DH the other night (calm and without anger, everything above) and he smirked at me. Tried to hold back a giggle after I cited examples of the skids' behaviors. Instead of getting mad I just calmly stated, "Things are going to change around here. I'm not going to reward the skids' bad behavior by taking them to the beach or a movie or out to lunch or shopping or even to their favorite park. I will continue to take any child whose behavior I'm proud of, and right now that is DD12 alone. And if it's only SD8 who is disrespectful, then either you can come home from work to watch her or I will leave her home alone with SD12 to babysit. Your choice." He apologized for smirking and gave me some platitudes about trying to be more observant of skid bad behavior and then did address the skids regarding one example this weekend (a "willful disregard of a simple rule" incident).

I need advice from you guys. If I should either a) advise all kids in this house what's going on and warn them how continued disrespectful to immature behavior will result in the loss of summer fun events or b) only talk to the problem children (SD12 and SD8) because I have zero issues with DD12s behaviors c) have no conversations at all and just let each situation play itself out if/when it does. Remember, I've been practically begging the skids for a week now to work with me on their behavioral issues but they simply disregard me. So selecting option (c) is a consideration. They've received ample warnings thus far.

My goals are this: hold skids responsible for their bad choices, hold DH responsible for skids continued unaddressed life-sucking antics (unaddressed by him after me asking him to address it), not punish DD12 for the disobedience of the skids, and to do all of this in a civil and healthy way that allows me to retain my sanity.

Suggestions please. My unhappiness is clouding my rational judgment.