In my case, I doubt it because the BM had HER BM hovering and helicoptering over their marriage. He was literally brainwashed into thinking the ultimate PASinator BM's BM was a "wonderful woman" that "received no child support" (confirmed sources said she in fact DID receive CS for the BM) and that ALL mothers are enmeshed with their adult daughters and this is NORMAL!! :barf:

Biodad is completely free to be a jackass with me because I have no relatives hovering around making sure he treats me "right."

And FB confirms that the BM is still a horrendous non-parent (allowing her 15 yr old daughter to have sleep overs with her 19 yr old boyfriend) Grades are still cratering and the BM thinks she is the most wonderful soccer mom ever to grace God's green earth. Of course Biodad is a horrendous non-parent as well.

I wonder that about my ex boyfriend- his story was that his BM was such a bitch, always mad and not close to the kids. After seeing how he would let the kids get away with anything, let them walk all over everyone, and how he attacked anyone who tried to correct them, I see why she left.

Like me, she probably got to do all the work while he traveled and acted like the fun parent when he was home, while she got to be the bad guy. She ended up refusing to cook and clean, and then moved out- and at first I believed that she just wasn't appreciative of all his hard work....that's what he wanted people to think.

And these were her own kids! You're right, at least some or a lot of the time, I'm sure. Some of them are already sick of all the crap they've had to put up with when we meet them, and we just haven't had to deal with it enough yet to see the real picture.

I have a wonderful fantastic husband. I imagine her craziness has always been about her control of my DH through thier son. He rolled over and took it for 3 years until him and I started dating. Then when I saw what was going on......awww hell nah..... I educated him really quick on fathers rights and how she uses and manipulates him. He has since placed firm bondaries and limits and is now going for custody.

Her crazy really amped up though when him and I started dating....I know she is crazy jealous that she is not living the life I am right now, both personally and professionally. Sad to say BM and I used to be close friends when her and DH were married....then she started her crazy with me when we were enrolled at school together and had a class together. I now have a degree and a fantastic career and she flunked out the beginning of her junior year in college.

I could not have been married to my DH when he was younger.

I see the struggles that we have in our marriage regarding communication, responsibilty and how he is as a parent. I see his faults. I could not have done that as she did, raising four kids so close in age.

BUT at the same time, she stayed with DH for 16 years. She chose to keep having children. She chose to stay married to him.

I push DH to be a better father and husband and because I have an expectation for myself, my own child and for the man (any man) that I am married to.

I see that DH does what he wants to do and doesnt want to be bothered with much else. He was never taught or never saw as a child what a family looked like or what a husband or father is supposed to be. He grew up in a very hard life. So I understand where his sense of "normal" comes from.

But BM is still a liar, a cheater, lazy and immature. DH didnt make her that way. I see him not engage her and sink to her level. So that part is all her.

I sometimes wonder about this. It's hard to imagine that every single guy written about on this site is a victim. Some of them have more than one kid with BM. Some of them knew BM for years. Many of them f!cked BM more than once.

What I really can't stand are the people who cheat, get divorced/break up and then get pi$$ed about the actions of the ex.

I don't think that people can actually "turn" other people into something else.

But I do think that 90 percent of the husbands on this site are terrible husbands and fathers. Mainly terrible husbands to their second wives.

In this case, the man was and is the crazy one, not his ex: http://www.oanow.com/news/crime_courts/article_bfbc9908-e12f-11e3-b6fe-0...

This guy killed his ex-mil and wounded his ex, their child and the ex's grandma.

Not in my DH's case. Sure, he drives me crazy sometimes with his annoying habits, but he is a good father, a hard worker & a caring husband. The only "real" problem in our marriage is BM. He is none of the things she accuses him of. Like tog says above - she has problems that have nothing to do with DH. She most likely had them before they met & she'll continue to have them in the future.

I'm sure my DH wasn't perfect by any means. In fact, I put solid blame on him for not leaving the MINUTE he found out what a lying cheater she was!

But on the other hand, BM has been to numerous counselors and therapists since she was a child and nobody could figure her out. Her own parents even sent her to live across the country with an aunt and uncle for a year or two. She is the type who is never EVER wrong and nothing is ever good enough for her. Give her the moon and she'd be pissed that you didn't throw in the stars as well. She still is like that. Oh, and anything for attention....

YOUR stbXH, on the other hand, is a complete nutjob and I pity ANY woman who gets the wool pulled over with that one.

One does wonder, but when I dated SO many years ago he was a perfect gentleman and he's always been generous. In all the years that we were apart and even now, I have NEVER heard ANYONE say anything bad about him...except for BM. Interesting, huh?

I'm sure he wasn't loving to BM because he didn't choose her to be his girlfriend, she was a booty call, and she is totally, certifiably nuts (as evidenced by the stalking, assault, instability, her own alcoholic PAS'ing mom, public tantrums, general trashbaggery and the other 3 baby daddies who refuse to talk to her).

Surely she was driven even more crazy because SO wouldn't love her and she saw how he loved his daughter. She was also probably taken closer to the brink because he treated her like just a baby mama...which she was. Duh. You don't get automatic girlfriend status simply by getting pregnant. :? And she definitely went over the edge when she stalked me and realized her little dream was over... I'm not saying I'm the greatest, but NO MAN in his right mind would EVER choose her over me. Ever!

Actually, thinking about it...indirectly I guess, SO could have made her even more crazy because of all of the above, but the B already had the insanity gene. I'm just scared that she passed it down. Yikes!

BM is an entitled trust fund kid, who's own child (SD5)is raining on her parade. She has the lamest excuses and everything is everyone else's fault. Its not FDH's fault SD lost her gloves at school...you're the one who picks her up. Her parent's nvr taught her how to have a meaningful life. Just how to have the best time ever on their expense. She works as little as possible, bounces SD from place to place in order to do so, and when she runs out of money, she asks mommy and daddy for more.

So is FDH is blame for the way she is? FDH didn't ram that beer bong down her throat and make her cheat on him and come home with hickey's all over her neck on Father's Day morning...She's a spoiled brat with no self control or responsibility. FDH couldn't stand her...if she wouldnt' have gotten pregnant during a one night stand, he would have nvr had tried to have a relationship with her. He tried to do the right thing and it made him miserable. Thankfully for me

I guess it's possible. BUT
The wrong people do get together. This will have lasting effects on both.
The Mama Bear is strong.... she will defend her cubs against a new female, even she means her cubs no harm.
BM in our situation is a money grabbing, self centred, lying, nasty piece of work, always has been, even according to her own sister.