SD21 wants to be babied forever, and she can't use logic
OK, so SD21 has now completed three years of what should be a four-year college program but is more likely to be five or more. She has lived in the dorms the entire three years, including the summer, even though her college is in the same town where both BM and BM's mom live. We pay 1/3 of her college, BM is ordered to pay 1/3 and SD21 is responsible for the remainder. DH pays more than 1/3, probably closer to 2/5 or maybe even 1/2.
I finally put my foot down and told DH SD21 needs to get an apartment with a roommate. The cost for her precious private dorm room is only $100 less than our monthly mortgage on our house! It's ridiculous. BUT, I also told him (not sure if he's going to follow through on this) that a 21-year-old should be covering her own room and board. I was out of the dorms, living in an apartment with a roommate, at 19 and paying my own way (yes, while I was enrolled in college full time).
So, SD21 is texting DH her poor sob story. She managed to spin things out so she HAS to stay in the dorms again this summer, but she's resisting getting an apartment at all. She tells DH that she doesn't think she can afford it because she's going into the end of her school and the program she is in, she's probably only going to be able to work an hour or two a week because she'll be SO busy with school.
Pshaw, please brat. She has a 2.5 GPA (has brought it up a bit from 2.1 or so, but still not particularly good). She takes the minimum number of classes every semester. I was in a pre-professional program in college (very challenging academically) PLUS took a full course load every semester plus summer and graduated in four years with five years worth of credits PLUS worked 20 to 30 hours every week PLUS actively sought a job and was employed in my field before I graduated PLUS lived in an apartment and was responsible for my rent, upkeep, etc.
I have no sympathy, but I'm sure DH will. SD21 could easily get an apartment in the town where she lives for maximum $450 a month. Split with a roommate that's $225 each. By contrast her dorm room costs $650 a month, split three ways that is about $215 a month. Tell me if this math works out to you?!
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Comments
She is so immature. Why
She is so immature. Why would she still want to be in the dorms? The amount of money wasted is just a sin. Your husband is a fool.
She's mind-bogglingly
She's mind-bogglingly immature. But, as I posted in another recent blog, any criticism of her is met with DH saying, "Well, she's in college and she's not pregnant, so..." That is the sum of his expectations. She doesn't have to be doing WELL in college, she doesn't have to be a decent, honest person. She just has to be doing what looks good from the outside and, as far as he's concerned, she's gold.
Fool's gold, that is.
Fool's gold, that is.
Last year she did a whopping
Last year she did a whopping one class over the summer. Justified living in the dorms, you know?
At least she's not pregnant?
At least she's not pregnant? Wow, his standards for this "kid" are incredibly low, aren't they?
My son is living in the dorms
My son is living in the dorms as a sophomore this summer. But, he is taking two classes and working 15 hours a week in a research position that counts as another class. So three classes. He could have come back and forth, but I want him to ace these two classes and not drive. Also, I don't allow him to work so he maintains his 3.3 to keep his scholarship for the tuition. He is taking two very difficult classes and needs to focus. Calc 3 and Materials Engineering.
I just will never understand your husband continuing to support her. She should be more self-sufficient than this.
Can you find out the average
Can you find out the average cost of an apartment in her town and half it (allowing for a room mate)and then 1/3 it and tell her that is what she is getting next year?
Her Dad has allowed this to happen. He is feeding into the illusion of college being fun and games and becoming a an adult which takes 'as long as it takes'. How it is all an 'experience' and life will always have someone to make it easy for her.
My DHs brother (and his wife) have 2 children. The oldest got all of college and her apartment paid for by her parents. Daddy was earning great money and then... he wasn't. Gone was the $100K salary. 'Luckily' *niece* had only a few months until graduation and they scrambled for *niece* to continue to live the life she wanted. Then she got married (Dad working for $12 an hour & mom is a teacher). $10K dropped on that wedding = 401K gone/ savings gone. #2 child graduates high school and finds himself going to community college because all the money went on the precious snowflake.
Your second paragraph is dead
Your second paragraph is dead on. DH did not take the traditional route to college, he had to wait until he was in his 30s to do college, so he's trying to give SD21 the experience he never had. He's determined to use every penny available to fund her college, even though it could be done much more cheaply.
Ok first it's ridiculous that
Ok first it's ridiculous that she even lives on campus when her mother lives in the same town as the school. Dorms are supposed to be for students who cannot live at home due to distance. Second, what upperclassman wants to live in the dorms still? My Sd had to live on campus her freshman year but moved out to off campus housing the year after. I agree it's time for daddy to stop paying her room and board, especially since she's not even doing that well (really, C+ average? Let me guess, your DH says, "at least she's not failing," right?). I sure she could work and contribute more but doesn't because no one is making her. Sounds like my SD. Mommy pays her rent and Grammy pays her utilities and groceries. And now her car payment too. And every few months she hits up DH for a monthly allowance because she "can only work weekends because of classes." To which I say, yeah right. She is a sociology major taking classes 4 days a week. She could work more, she just doesn't want to. When I was her age, I went to school full time, worked 5 nights a week, paid my own rent, utilities and car payment and still had a B average. This whole generation wants everything handed to them for nothing and it makes me sick. None of them will ever learn how to take care of themselves, and their parents are going to be wondering why.
Her life sounds like cake. I
Her life sounds like cake.
I put myself through college (now sitting on a crap ton of loans that I pay religiously every month), I also worked full time in my field. My field has always been salaried, so I ended up working 50-60 hours a week. All 4 years I took 20 credits each semester. I graduated with 2 degrees, some areas of focus and a minor.
Tell her to grow up. If she doesn't start to become independent then the real world will slap her in the face hard when she graduates.
I know, right! There are
I know, right! There are people working full time and going to school full time. It can be done, but special snowflake SD21 is always the exception to everything.