How do you know if your dh wants a divorce....
...without actually coming out and saying it?
Dh hasnt spoken to me since Sunday. Barely spoke to me all weekend either. We have been having more and more frequent fights over the past year. He was worked until 1030 every night since Sunday. When I text today and asked whether he would be late tonight he text back saying he would not but that he was going out with friends. I asked did he want dinner , he didn't even reply. He has rebuffed all my attempts to show him affection. I tried to hold his hand last night in bed, he simply said no.... Has anyone else here experienced this behaviour from their dh before they dropped the d bomb? I have no one to talk to 
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This happened to me
This happened to me constantly after the "I Do's". I used to question every move I made, how could I make him want me, what am I doing wrong?? The answer was nothing I could ever do would make him happy. I agree with notasm- Ignore the bastard. The scariest thing to a man is a silent, stewing woman!
Stop showing him how much he
Stop showing him how much he is hurting you immediately. Stop making attempts to get affection from him immediately.
Something is terribly wrong when you have to beg for kindness from the person who took vows to love and cherish you. He is treating you this way, because he knows it works. This is immature, manipulative, and cruel. If he has a problem with something you have said or done, he needs to man up and have an adult conversation about it. I can't stand this passive aggressive behavior.
I wouldn't treat him any better than he is treating you right now. Continue to live your life. Go have drinks with the girls after work. If he doesn't speak to you all night, let him hear you having a lighthearted conversation with a family member. Let him see that his behavior is not going to affect you. This is the only way he will stop doing this.
Flip the script, and he'll have no idea what to do.
Are you sure want to be with someone who treats you this way?
I know I have tried to speak
I know I have tried to speak to him about this before but he pulled the whole "I had to fight to see my son" card. He doesn't even drop him home early on a Sunday to spend some time together. It's really hard. I'm only 29 FFS. I wish I could go back to my 25 year old self when I met dh and say run a mile!!!
In all honesty I have had
In all honesty I have had periods when I have been so angry and unhappy with my husband that I have done what your husband has done and withdrawn completely. It's a coping strategy that I have been forced into by sporadic incidents of very unpleasant behaviour on his part. At times I have been weighing up whether I even wanted to stay married during those periods, but there was certainly nobody else involved, I wasn't being unfaithful, and I hadn't come to a clear conclusion about what I was going to do. I have 3 young children and I have always wanted to avoid divorce at all cost. As you are doing my husband would try to re-establish a connection, by making tea, or asking if I wanted a hug, but I would feel unable to accept that.
If your husband knew he wanted to leave he would probably have already told you, if he was cheating and things were bad between you he would already be out the door. Perhaps you just need to let things be, don't make any overtures, let him work it out for himself and try to focus on yourself and what you want. Eventually he will either open a dialogue or you will both decide that the situation isn't tenable.
I agree with notasm - he is
I agree with notasm - he is already putting his attention elsewhere and doesnt want to be "disloyal" to the new one. Pull your finances and get a plan of action pulled together. He is playing games, girl! He is a jerk and wants you to get mad enough to leave so he can be the "nice guy"...Time to let the loser go!
He came home and I was
He came home and I was crying. He asked did I want to go. I said no because I look like crap from crying all afternoon. He said we would talk tomorrow and have me a kiss on the cheek. It's something at least I guess.
Oh, darl - I'm so sorry
Oh, darl - I'm so sorry you're hurting and he's being such a prick to you. He is treating you like shit and is holding all this emotional power over you.
Please, think about how you want to be treated - know that he's NOT acting like your partner and then .. get mad. For real. Get fuming, hopping, flamin' mad - RAGE THE FUCK AT HIM!! Lose your mind and go into launch mode. Get some kind of reaction out of him.
I cannot, absolutely CANNOT stand passive aggressive crap. It truly does my fucking head in. My DH is guilty of that - hell, the last 4 days, he's been an absolute prick. Know what I did? Put up with it for 1 whole day, then went feral on his ass. Started by asking him, exactly WHAT was buggin his ass. WHY the frig couldn't he just blurt out whatever the frig was wrong with him? I kept getting the "nothing's wrong..I'm fine.. don't worry".. so, that was when I lost it and made him angry. Once he was angry, it came out - he was inundated with work, felt ill..couldn't handle thinking about the dramas his kids were putting him through..blah...blah...bulshit.
I then told him that if he couldn't talk to me about it, then I wouldn't give a flyin' blue fuck what he was going through and he was NOT going to take his bad mood out on me by being distant, preoccupied, short tempered and picky, picky, picky. Screw that. Also told him that if he continued acting like such a jerk, where we'd all be on pins and needles trying to tippy toe around him..then he might as well go live in a cave by himself and become a recluse.
You have NOTHING to lose! He is acting like an asshole - get angry and have it out with the immature twat.
This will not get any better
This will not get any better sweetie. I'm sorry you are going through this. I would bolt now. I'm not a fan of quitting but you said in your previous blog that he's not interested counseling. I'd save my sanity and leave. Sorry darlin'. I wish you the best.
Thanks everyone for the
Thanks everyone for the kindness - knew I could rely on ye to listen - you're awesome
It doesn't matter whether he
It doesn't matter whether he has found someone else or not. He has checked out.
Is this something you want to put up with? Because if he's already checked out, I highly doubt you will get him to go to a counselor with you.
I would start planning YOUR exit strategy. Even if you never have to use it, it is empowering to know that you don't have to rely on an asshole.
My DH used to do this a bit
My DH used to do this a bit when we were first married. Not to the extent yours seems to (he's only once ever come home later than 7:30 pm) but he would withdraw affection, not talk, and generally stay at work a bit later than usual. It usually lasted a week, and then like you seem to have just gotten, I'd get either a kiss on the cheek or he'd suddenly snuggle me in bed and things would be fine again. I'm sorry you are going through this; I remember all too well the anguish I felt over it. If you do want to stay with him, then I would do as others said, and work on having your own life for when he does this. When he realizes that you aren't hurt by this behavior, he'll probably stop.
I hate that
I hate that passive-aggressive BS
If he's just on his man-period and gets over himself, that's one thing, but if it continues or a pattern starts to form......sweetie, you are 29 and blessedly young. Take it from me, I just turned 40, and how I wistfully look back at my younger years (bikini bod and all).
What you DON'T want to do is stay in misery, then 10 years later as you are turning 40 wonder what happened to your life.
Amen to that!!
Amen to that!!