hmmmm....tough spot to be in. I would not advise hiding it from her. But you should put your foot down on the no new laptop. And explain to her that you have a perfectly fine laptop even though it has to be plugged in, it still works. And SS doesnt "need" a new one for school. If he "needs" a new one for school the school should provide it or put it on a school supply list. And then her and SS biodad should be the ones responsible for buying it, not you. Explain that you believe that earmarking the money for fixing the roof is the most wise use of the extra funds.

Perhaps when you tell her about it, you can include in the same sentence what you are going to do with your bonus. Like, DW I got a bonus for my work performance in 2013 and I'd love to spend it on something fun, but I'm going to use it to fix the roof, and.... It's great because then we won't have to use OUR money for the roof repairs.

I was in the same spot a month ago... I hid mine and ended up using it for my lawyer. It is sad to have to hide money but a new roof is a better bet than buying a spoiled child a new computer.

Don't lie to your wife. You will be creating more drama and problems if you do.

Also.....doesn't say much about your relationship if you're resorting to lying about money. I'd think about that if I were you.

What about putting it into the new roof and a romantic getaway for a weekend somewhere - just the two of you. Would that be possible? Don't think she would mind that at all and you're being honest

Is money shared or separate?

If you have shared finances it isn't fair not to tell her. If you have shared finances, how would you feel if she got a bonus and didn't tell you. From what I can tell about you you are a stand up guy and you aren't going to keep this a secret anyway even though you might be contemplating it now.

If your money is separate then your money is separate and it isn't a "secret," just use the money for the roof and say you got a bonus but rather than blowing it on yourself you wanted to use it for house repairs for everyone.

If your money is shared then you need to suck it up and have the fight and stand your ground. If we had a small windfall today I guarantee my DH would have it spent in his mind in the first hour... then I would say no. Just say no. When she starts talking about how awesome the laptop is and how SS just has to have one, listen to her, say, "wow that is a good deal" maybe we can save x amount per week out of your spending money and get one when they run the back to school sales, the bonus is for xyz.

Get the new roof
Blow away the desktop O/S and reload, giving SS NO local admin to download games, go into components and uninstall all games that come with O/S. Set policy to lock SS out of internet gaming sites.

I NEVER tell Mr. Guilty Daddy about any raises, bonuses or reimbursements/expense accounts. I handle ALL the finances. He is a Spendaholic (and alcoholic) If he handled the finances (or anything else) I wouldn't have a roof over my head.

I got a sizable bonus a while back. I did not tell DH. He would be the least likely person to act entitled and start planning on ways to spend my money but I still didn't tell him. Some may consider that akin to lying but this is not my first rodeo. This is not my first marriage. I firmly believe that no matter how in love I am with DH and how awesomely we get along and how I can't even imagine life without him I still need to have a stash that is just mine. Just in case.

As it stands right now, he lives paycheck to paycheck and has only just started to rebuild from the financial disaster that was his previous marriage. He hands over a huge portion of his paycheck to his ex. He spends money on his kids when they are with us. If I were to disclose that kind of info to him, I would be terrified that he would spend even more on his kids and think to himself: Oh, next time we take a weekend trip, Mercury will be able to cover most of the expense.

He has never given me reason to think this way but I still wonder if he is capable of it. Even if it is a subconscious reaction, I would never want him to back off on what he contributes to our life together just because he knows I had a little extra stashed away. I already feel like I help support his kids financially every time I do a "normal" wife thing and help him out and I resent it.

If you are prone to resenting the money your wife spends on SS anyway, I would totally keep this one to yourself and have it 100% planned out (or even completely gone) before you tell her about it.

Draco...I don't think you could live with yourself by lying to your DW. And I think you know it is not the way to be in a marriage.

I am going to be honest. You need to take some control here. Why would DW even think she can just take your bonus for what she wants?

I would just tell her the following...

Draco: I got a bonus!
DW: yay..I can go buy a lap top.
Draco: Oh, I guess I forgot to tell you, I put that money into savings that is ONLY for home repairs.
DW: But we MUST have a lap top.
Draco: Well we can't use my bonus for that. It is just for home repairs. How about we both start a small savings and contribute to it until we SAVE enough money for a laptop.

You may have to repeat the home repair issue a few times, but she will finally figure out that you are serious about your bonus and what you want to do with it.

I'd tell her you got the bonus. What I would not do is purchase a new laptop with it. This is your bonus. You earned it. You worked hard and well over and beyond to earn a bonus from your employment. Kiddo has a laptop and if it goes belly up there is other laptops in home he could temporarily use for homework.

I would not appreciate my DH thinking a bonus I earned was automatically going to a child (bio or step), especially considering it isn't a urgent if even needed cause. The roof sounds like a generous first thought of using the money to benefit the household. Do it. I'd leave no room for argument for things like laptops. School is getting out for summer soon and if DW wants a new laptop for JR she can put a bit of her paycheck away each month to get one by the time school kicks up again I the fall (or she can pick up the phone and ask BD if he'd like to chip in on a laptop his child needs even though child can still use the one child has been provided with). Perhaps kiddo can spend the summer doing extra chores for grandparents, parents and neighbors to earn a new laptop.

I would say, "I got a bonus for good performance. I am going to use it to fix up our roof. The rest is going into savings for now."

When she makes noises about a new laptop or whatever, I would say, "I think that a roof is more of a priority. If you think a laptop is a priority, you can buy it with your bonus." All in a very nice, polite non-condescending tone, of course.

Tell her. Lies do not good. Then show her a list of things that need to be done on the household with roof first and add how hard it is to save a good chunk of money for these things. Ignore her demands for a laptop while you articulate the following priorities for the money:

Priority 1:
- Family emergency fund
- Major repairs to the house
- Retirement plans are funded at acceptable levels (In Canada, you save tons on taxes - money for later - if you contribute to your retirement plans, not sure if same in US)

Priority 2:
- Something for the two of you to reward you two for your behaviour of working hard

Priority 3:
- New laptop for SS

Personally with your SS, I would never just give him a laptop. He doesn't deserve this reward. If there is money left over, tell her that a new laptop can be purchased IF AND ONLY IF: SS contributes a certain %; and/or (b) SS' last report card of the year shows a minimum grade level. If she's not onboard for this, too bad so sad then, the money is yours. If she is onboard with this, I would have her and SS sign a contract explaining the intent of the contract, the minimum requirements in order for him to get the laptop and the minimum and maximum funding for a laptop.

That's how I'd handle it.

If the laptop is not in the future and DW continued to "show you flyers" and "whine about it", I would simply say "Please stop. Just stop. This is not up for discussion. The decision has been made about the money."

I must be a horrible wife. I do not tell DH about any extra money we have. He can't even see our savings account. He'll spend it. When we first got married and I put him on all my accounts. He and SS spend 600.00 in two days. That was the end of that. I did not bust my @ss to save all that money to be spent on stupid crap. It's extra money you don't have to tell her about it. I let our state refund check go to our bank account. He spent it in a day. I sent the federal to my account and I used it to pay off our credit cards and put the rest in savings.