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feeling guilty yet angry

Melendezmom84's picture

Submitted by Melendezmom84 on Tue, 01/21/2014 - 7:42pm

:jawdrop: ok well here's the deal I've been dating a some what great guy and he's stepped up and is being a great father figure to my two daughter's. Now the problem is recently I've been notoriously jealous and irritated with his 4 year old daughter. He's fitting the grandmother to get custody since the mother passed away and at first I was all for it but now that we have been keeping her more often we've had many arguments cause I feel he's favoring his daughter and has changed his attitude towards mine I understand mine are a hand full but his daughter acts so huhhh I cant even discribe why I cant stand her just the tone of her voice and the way he treats her like she's perfect! When let me say this lil girl has attitude already I really feel this isnt going to work anymore ive mentioned how I feeland it just causes bbigger fights between us. I hate feeling hate towards her but I do please dont judge me theres alot more I dont know how to deal with this. Help is this normal or I'm really just not okay with myself I dont know since my divorce ive made it a point to date men with no kids until he came along. At first I was more than happy with the situation but lately I've had all these hateful feelings towards the lily girl ??????

Comments

oneoffour's picture

Submitted by oneoffour on Tue, 01/21/2014 - 8:27pm

You looked for a father figure for your daughters and found a man who already has a daughter. Do you love her like your own? No. And neither will your b/friend love your daughters like his own because THEY AREN'T.

This is his daughter. She doesn't have a mother. The only parent she has in the world who loves her just because... is him.

If you think he should treat all 3 girls the same then you have to do what you ask of him. Love his daughter like your own. If you are jealous of a 4 yr old motherless little girl you need to find someone else. And do not look for a father figure for your daughters until you are 100% this is the man for the rest of your life. Because introducing successive men to your daughters as 'father figures' will screw them up in the future. They will see men as disposable and you can have mutiple 'daddies'.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Tue, 01/21/2014 - 9:31pm

I think you are doing everybody involved a disservice by staying in this relationship, considering how you feel about this little girl.

If you don't like her, then let him go so he can be a father to her as she deserves, and find yourself a different man.

^^^^This^^^

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Wed, 01/22/2014 - 3:55am

Walk away before you destroy the relationship between this man and his daughter.

Your children have a father. They do not need your BF to be a father figure. Of course he's going to favor his child over yours. I'm sure you do that as well.

You sound the type of BM who wants her new SO to fawn over her kids and give his kids the scraps that may be left over.

step2012's picture

Submitted by step2012 on Wed, 01/22/2014 - 12:59pm

All I can think is of this poor little girl who lost her Mom and may now have to endure the custody battle that may ensue. I really don't know how anyone can hate a child, I see those words very rarely on here and for that I am glad. At least you were honest in your post.

This boyfriend owes so much more to his daughter than he does to you or your children. If you feel this way let them get on with their lives and find someone else.

I would hope that you would wish, in the unlikely event of your passing, that your ex would not choose the love of a woman who hated your children over his own flesh and blood.

It's early in the relationship, move on and give them as well as your little family a chance with someone new. Smile

Melendezmom84's picture

Submitted by Melendezmom84 on Tue, 04/22/2014 - 11:08am

theres way more to this story than I added on here but thank you very much for your opinions....go ahead and judge me like your lives are all perfect! nope just wanted to hear that its normal that I am not alone...I understand that his daughter...even if the mother was just a one night stand at least he is stepping up to the plate for his child...and only because the mother is gone and he cant have contact with the child he actually claims...he is trying to replace the spot his first baby momma has stolen from him...regardless that is his child If I am going to stay with him I know I need to learn to be what she needs from me...I have a hard time being that to my own so I have a lot of soul searching to do...yes my girls have a father and I didn't get with him to make him fill that roll to my own that was his choice...also despite the resentment I never put her down or make her less its equal for me I buy something for one they all get it, I go to the store they all get one toy, if we go out to eat she gets her own happy meal...I can be equal and I hug and kiss her more than mine because I know she will need that affection, hes not the affectionate type so that's where I fill in the blanks...I have a heart so in the end what I do is my choice and the doors are open for him to leave...but life isn't so black and white!