Consider yourselves warned...(as if you don't already know)
I posted this in someone else's thread a few minutes ago, but thought I would repost it here for everyone:
I'm starting to learn that a SP is likely to be blamed for everything that goes wrong in a kid's life.
For example, SS13, who I actually have a great relationship with, recently told BM that he hasn't been practicing his drums while at our house because I don't like the noise.
Total fabrication. I'd like him to spend more time on drums and less time staring at screens. I'm actually the one who bought him the drum set, for God's sake!
He didn't want to make up a lie about his dad; that just wouldn't be right. But his SM is fair game.
The kid likes me, he really does. BUT HE DIDN'T HESITATE TO THROW ME UNDER THE BUS TO SAVE HIS OWN ASS.
Your skids won't hesitate to do the same thing to you, either.
The lack of loyalty in a stepfamily is astonishing; it is truly, totally unlike a "normal" first family.
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Comments
You're preaching to the choir
You're preaching to the choir sister
Holy crap!!!! SD was in band
Holy crap!!!! SD was in band last year and I pestered her all the time to practice her Sax, but she didn't feel like it. Then when DH would tell her to practice and ask why she isn't practicing SD would look my way and say "I don't practice because I don't want to make noise because Some people don't like it" BULLSHIT! I told her all the time to practice. Ugh!!!
Skids will blame whoever they think needs to be blamed, depending on who they're talking to at the time.
Yeah. It's my fault they
Yeah. It's my fault they don't eat. I own that one proudly. Dh's mother made a comment about us not feeding the kids once. Yeah, they say we never have food at our house. Ha. We cook dinner from ingredients they have never seen before and the meal doesn't come out of a box just to get nuked in the microwave. We also have a huge variety of fruits and nuts on the counter that are always accessible for snacks. These are completely unrecognizable as food items apparently.
Oh yeah! I have that exact
Oh yeah! I have that exact problem - that is what I get blamed for too!
Not feeding them. According to SD I starve them on purpose! (she actually tells her mother this!)
Yes, because the HEALTHY food options I make freely available to your fat arse don't suit you.
My argument is "if you were REALLY starving you'd eat the fruit!"
LOL
"She told me about a year ago
"She told me about a year ago that the skids told her I am "horrible" to them. I wonder what kind of mother lets her children live with someone horrible?"
Sorry for yelling, but you hit the nail on the head! BM's always complaining that our house is "not safe", that DH and I are "abusive" and "malnourish the kids" (ie. don't get them what they want when they want it, and Heaven forbid that we want our food to last the week!), yet she's always trying to push for extra days at our house :? WTF is up with that?!?
The BS that spews out of her mouth only hurts HER. If we're THAT bad, CAS wouldn't allow them over at all. And yes, BM values her free weekends too much for that!
yes it's the same at my
yes it's the same at my place. It's my fault that SS10 is dirty because supposedly I don't let him shower! At least that's what he told BM and she blasted DH via text messages about it. The fact of the matter is the kids have their own shower. I don't let them use mine because the faucet is broken and they don't know how to turn the hot water off and it empties the water heater and floods the septic tank. They do have their own bathroom with perfectly good functioning faucets that they can use
The sooner we figure this
The sooner we figure this out, the better we can pre-empt it. Also, I accepted a long time, that BM and SD will never take any responsibility for their action. It is easier to say it is all my fault who SD has become.
Yup, that sounds just about
Yup, that sounds just about right. But I just let it roll off my back. There's nothing we can do but our best. They don't want to admit that they're lucky to even have us in their lives, otherwise they would starve or be out on the streets. As long as I don't put a hand on those kids, they have nothing on me.
It's all about the BMs and their jealousy, even if THEY were the ones responsible for the break up of that family. They're so miserable that they need to find fault with the other party. And they pass this attitude down to the skids. It's pathetic really. All I can hope is that the skids grow up and face the reality of the situation.
Earlier this year, I've had SD10 blame ME for SS12's behaviour, when it was ME who was standing up for her against him! Since then, I've thrown in the towel with her. Like her mother, she'll only take the side that benefits her. She took MY side when I was trying to keep SS12 from physically harming her at our house, then she took BM/SS12's side when they were arguing why our house was "not safe". SMH It's so frustrating. But what are you gonna do? This just means that we now have an excuse NOT to take them places with us - ie. to the summer cottage this year.
Trust me, I see this too, and
Trust me, I see this too, and like someone else said, the earlier we realize it, the better. I have always been semi disengaged from the skids even thought they live with us FULL TIME (BM lives across the country, no visitation at all in 2+ years.... its "too hard" to raise kids and she "never really wanted to be a mom" anyway. Ask me why she is pregnant again?!) I mostly let DH deal with everything.
This came up about hair cuts... SS7 told me he desperately wanted his hair cut. My DH loves it long, but it was long enough to put in a small pony tail and he came to me in TEARS. So, I trimmed it, just a little on the ends. DH flipped out, SS threw me under the bus. Eff that... I told DH and SS that I am totally done. If SS wants something done or is upset about something DO NOT COME TO ME. I DO NOT CARE AND I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. DH of course wasn't happy about it (because it makes him responsible). Anyway, DH realized that SS really did want his hair cut, and took him to get it done.
Fast forward to phone call with BM... SS is CRYING TO HER that we FORCED him to cut his hair (all because she stated that she liked it long). Manipulation from ALL SIDES. Sickening, count me out.