No getting married does NOT mean I will make you my beneficiary and YES our finances will remain separate! Vent
FDH and I are getting married in May. My life insurance policy requires spousal approval if the beneficiary will be anyone other than the spouse. My kids have always been my beneficiaries and always will be. I mentioned to FDH that he will need to sign the spousal approval form and he is acting like he won't. I told him if he doesn't agree then there will be no wedding. That policy is for my kids, period.
The fact that FDH is acting all wounded like what I don't get anything if you die is pissing me off greatly because he doesn't even have a life insurance policy to begin with! So nobody gets anything if he dies. I even offered to get another policy naming him beneficiary and he's still acting butt hurt. Get over it!!!
Then FDH decides this is a good time to bring up the fact that he thinks we may want to reconsider our financial arrangements now that we will be getting married. I just walked out. I refuse to even discuss it. HELL NOOOOO! I make 3x as much money, it's mine, you can't have it, end of story. I will pay my share of the bills but whatever is left is mine to do with as I see fit.
Vent over.
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Jumping in because I AM the
Jumping in because I AM the one with the money AND not married. First of all, SM is the in-the-flesh wife of DH--nuclear family. Usually a mom brings her bios with her into her new nuclear family and whereas DH's bios are with BM. That is just natural instinct at its basic level. It cannot be a double standard if BM has primary custody of DH's kids. Think about it.
TA-DA!! And there you have it
TA-DA!! And there you have it folks. Logic!
HRNYC, I don't see the
HRNYC, I don't see the double-standard. Why would SM protecting her kids' money have any relationship with dad taking care of SM over, or as well as his kids, or not at all?
If my family is my partner and my kids, then I take care, as I see necessary, of those two parties.
Are you saying that SMs on this board make a competition out of this? Because I don't see a competition between partner and kids. Unless you're meaning adult children. But I think adult children should not count on inheritance to survive.
HRNYC, I think there is
HRNYC, I think there is probably a bit of hypocrisy everywhere, especially if you are looking for it.
I personally think that financially providing for minor kids *should* be every parent's first priority. If the partnership has been 1. a partnership of equals and 2. one parent has earned significantly more, then the lesser-earning partner needs to be provided for financially as well.
I certainly wouldn't presume to judge what two equal partners choose as right for their families. However, I would judge what one partner unilaterally imposes.
In my own value system, leaving an inheritance isn't necessary. However, had I accumulated wealth for the purpose of leaving it to my beneficiaries, I would indeed ensure my plans were protected.
We don't have a mortgage
We don't have a mortgage together. I'm not sure if we will in the future, but if we do, we will get insurance to pay it off if one of us dies.
Everyone has their own thing that works for them and I mean no disrespect, but there is no way I would give my kids less than FDH. He's a grown man who can support himself. My son is still a minor and the other two are still young.
I am willing to get a separate policy for FDH. He's just being difficult. If keeps it up, I might refuse to get another policy until he gets one.
Magic Beans! You are right!
Magic Beans! You are right!
We do exactly what Rising2
We do exactly what Rising2 does.
I understand Fire_Inside's
I understand Fire_Inside's situation, on the other hand, as a SD, it's hard knowing that most everything of my dad's will end up with my step-siblings.
No, it's not cool, but my SM
No, it's not cool, but my SM isn't cool like that...she's greedy and my dad is whipped.
I would never do this to my FDH's daughter, it's just not right.
I'm not saying the wife isn't entitled to anything, because she is, but the kids should be taken into account too.
This is why I'm fighting the
This is why I'm fighting the same battle the OP is fighting. There's no way I'm going to leave a huge amount to DF because it will go to his kids and/or his future SO and her kids.
I plan to leave the vast majority (402K, pensions, a few insurance policies...) to my son. I'm willing to take out a small insurance policy that will go to DF 100% but he thinks he should get a large amount of everything. Ain't gonna happen.
Which is all fine and dandy
Which is all fine and dandy unless you require him to put you and your bios as his beneficiaries. Thats what gets me riled up.
Why in the world would I
Why in the world would I require him to do that?
That's what ive seen here
That's what ive seen here from others
DH pays me RENT , since he
DH pays me RENT , since he lives in my house which I bought many years prior to meeting him. He is not on the deed. I bought it with my own money, he did not contribute to the roof over his head.
There's no free ride on this pony.
That is my thought exactly.
That is my thought exactly. I made sure I had a prenup before I got married. No way in hell am I going to die and leave my assets to my DH. Either he would spend it all on his kids or if he died the next day they would get everything I worked so hard for. Cold day in hell. Daddy already spends enough of his own money on his princesses.
That is my thought exactly.
That is my thought exactly. I made sure I had a prenup before I got married. No way in hell am I going to die and leave my assets to my DH. Either he would spend it all on his kids or if he died the next day they would get everything I worked so hard for. Cold day in hell. Daddy already spends enough of his own money on his princesses.
That is my thought exactly.
That is my thought exactly. I made sure I had a prenup before I got married. No way in hell am I going to die and leave my assets to my DH. Either he would spend it all on his kids or if he died the next day they would get everything I worked so hard for. Cold day in hell. Daddy already spends enough of his own money on his princesses.
My kids are majority
My kids are majority beneficiaries of my life insurance policy, DH gets 20% of it. We figure 20% will be way more than enough to pay my financial obligations off (mortgage which is only in my name, car, etc) and my funeral expenses.
I'm in that weird situation where my kids' father passed when they were small, so they don't have another parent to rely on. In fact, at this point in time if something would happen to me, my brother and his wife will be granted custody of my kids.
My dh and I have wills and a
My dh and I have wills and a trust. If one of us passes we have left everything to each other in our wills. No ifs, ands or butts. We even specifically mention our exs in our wills to state that they are entitled to nada. If we both are gone then they refer to the trust for the kids.
Like for instance: DH has a classic car. He has ALWAYS said that SD15 gets the car should he pass. We were going to state that in the Will but then we realized.....what if he passes before she's an adult. Can't you all see BM coming for the car? So we made sure all possessions come to me in his Will. He knows I don't want the car. I'd never drive it. But I will make sure I hold onto it until his daughter is ready for it.
Question - if my DH left his
Question - if my DH left his entire life insurance policy to his kids, and left me out of it....
What guarantees his funeral expenses are paid out of the policy?
What guarantees his estate/final expenses are paid out of the policy?
I've been thru all this before, and I know you can never "plan ahead" a lot for those expenses. I never dreamed, when I was 35 years old, that I would be left paying for a funeral and over $100,000 in medical bills, let alone having to assume joint liabilities such as credit cards, etc. And no, my first DH's life insurance policy did not cover "everything".
Like I said earlier, my DH and I both had the documents signed/notarized that I am leaving the majority of the policy to my kids, and then with his policy, he is leaving me 70%, with each of his kids receiving 15%.
Oh and in our trust we picked
Oh and in our trust we picked his cousin to watch over money for his kids and ours together. BM will have no say.
I don't get the separate
I don't get the separate money issue at all. We don't have any bios yet and DH has SD7. I am the beneficiary for DHs life insurance and he is mine. I think his will states that SD gets a.certain amount at 25 OR it will be used for college When we have bios this may change so he can add them, or it will just be up to me. Now that we are married he might take SD off and make me the only one available to any benefits.
Why are you married to guys you are afraid will "screw" you or your kids out of money/benefits. I would never in my life consider not helping SD with that money if God forbid something happens to DH. Anyway she would go straight to BM and I would probably never see her again.
Honestly if I'm dead IDGAF what happens to my money. I'll be dead! Lol there's no doubt in my mind that DH would take care of any bios if they are minors. If they are adults, everything we have will be evenly split between all our kids.