Which NEVER happens

I may be PMSing and just getting pissed and upset at silly things.

So.

Quick (I'll do my best) background. It's long, please read though I need some other (clearer) heads.

SD13 - lies, steals, cheats and manipulates. She has told my DD11 to Fuck off and that she hates her too many times to count. She steals regularly from my 3 bd's - generally only small stuff, but still - not ok. She lies to our faces, and even will lie to OH about something I have said to her with me sitting RIGHT there. She is rude and does the ignore game with me. She says things about me to my DD11 - like I am cheap and nasty, I am a bitch, she wouldn't believe anything that came out of my mouth, I am mean, yada yada yada.

About a month ago she told my DD11 that "when dad and Luchay break up he will move back in with us, my parents had a perfect marriage until BM found rude text messages from Luchay on dad's phone and the only reason he lives with Luchay is because BM kicked him out!" (paraphrased but you get the gist) Apparently she knows this is fact because BM told her so....

SD has NEVER been taken to task for ANY of this behaviour.

SS10 - generally ok, is lazy, moody, also does the ignore thing. We haven't really had many issues with him, he can be a little shit but it's not step related normally. BM was having issues late last year and demanded OH put him in counselling because don't ya know it's all our fault! The same day (last month) that SD spouted all the crap about me, OH and BM SS10 got physically violent with my DD, he did the punch to the face but stopped just short and was intimidating and threatening to her.

I told OH to deal with it, his dealing consisted of "SS, I know she makes you very angry and is really annoying but don't do it again!" head ruffle "now lets shoot some hoops!"

I was not ok with that!!! Big argument, no result - he thought I needed to leave parenting his kids to him... I said as long as it doesn't threaten or harm me and my kids that's fine - but this does and I need to have a say - you need to do more to make it clear to ss that this is NOT ok. No dice.

So I did something bad, I told SS10 myself (exact words) "if you EVER put your fist in my daughters face again I will fucking hit you myself!"

OH was NOT happy, took his kids for a walk, and I walked out. I left him and when DD told me what SD had said I decided I had reached my line and wasn't coming back. That night OH came back to the house and got really angry (to the point my mother called the police - I had her on the phone while he was here because things were escalating)

I was seriously done.

The next evening after talking to some friends he came back and was a different man, short story - we talked, he begged me to take him back, he would do anything.

I thought about it overnight and the next night I gave him my list of what I needed to change in order for me to stay. Including dealing with the kids behaviours, both of them; and him owning when he is wrong.

He agreed.

For the most part he has been wonderful ever since, we've been to counselling together and he seemed receptive to the counsellor telling him he needed to parent etc. He understood my issues with what ss had done and how his handling wasn't sufficient etc. He even didn't take the skids out for alone time on Saturday leaving me home by myself (usually what happens when they come for the weekend!) This was the first time I had seen them since the weekend last month. He has been seeing htem outside the house since then. He spends a LOT of his visitation time alone with them.

Oh, SS's counsellor said SS needed to apologise to DD and *I* needed to apologise to SS (fair enough - although he hears that word all the time - BM called me an effing C U next Tuesday in front of all 4 kids, OH and BM let them watch all sorts of MA15+ movies, and inappropriate movies and music etc - such as Nikki minaj starships - not the radio version - which has Motherfucker in it! - this is important soon!)

I asked OH if he felt he needed to apologize to me or dd and he said no, he did nothing wrong. Our counsellor soon corrected that notion and I thought he understood.

the issue now?

On Sunday my older dd21 came home (she'd been working Friday night and Saturday and out Saturday night) She texted me (we were out with all 4 younger kids) someone had been in her room and opened the brand new box of chocolates that her boyfriend had bought her for V day. Three were missing. All kids denied any knowledge. She found the wrappers in SD's room. I have not told OH about the wrappers....

My phone was playing up yesterday so I grabbed his spare one, and when I turned it on I saw a message (his facebook notifications pop up in the top bit when you turn the phone on) It was from the friend he had spoken to ^^^. Something sounded off so I checked his fb - and on TUESDAY this week he fb messaged her that "things were going well, he had gotten over me swearing at SS and I had apologised and SS had apologised so all was good!!"

What the freaking fuck? One - SS has NOT apologised, I did because I think I did do wrong regardless of the circumstances and the fact that these kids see and hear much worse ALL the time.

Two - OH has forgiven ME???????????????? So that's why we are back together and all good??????????

He also said they should catch up soon so he could fill her in completely... this is where I am wondering if I am overreacting - perhaps he is planning to go into detail when they catch up?

So, am I wrong for being completely pissed off that he still accepts no blame and has glossed over his kids shit yet again and laid it all at my door? Even AFTER agreeing and seeing the error of his ways and begging my forgiveness etc?

So upset and pissed off with him right now.

Then last night I get home from picking up dd's from dancing, OH was still out taking the skids home (we all had tea earlier, I took the dd's dancing he had a few hours at home with the skids)

They played Boggle. No drama there, only when I threw some rubbish in the bin I notice the notepaper they had used - last week I was in the shops and saw these cute little notepads reduced, they had little puppies dressed up on them and were pink paper, only $2 each so I bought myself a cat one and the dd's a puppy one each. So, kind of distinctive. The boggle notes were on the dd's notepad paper.

This morning I asked the girls where their notepads were, DD11 has hers in her schoolbag, dd8 left hers on the table in the family room - unopened still in it's packaging. Needless to say it's gone and she is really upset.

I was going to raise some of this stuff at counselling tonight but the counsellor is sick and won't be there....

So, it's only a few chockies, and a cheapo notepad - do I let it go or say something? And as for his feelings about the violence and me still being here after what his daughter said to mine - I just don't even know where to start with that one.

Oh, I contacted the friend myself and we are meeting for coffee next Tuesday as I want to know exactly HOW he painted what the issues were. bad move?