Hi Im new!! Im a SM?
Hi all
Ive been reading through some of the posts here and its nice to see people in the same boat as me. I dont get all the acronyms yet tho lol.
So I ve been a step mum SM? for about 3 years now. My partner wont stand up to the biological mum BM? as it appears this is a common problem!
I am the main bread winner too and he doesnt give me very much at all towards the household outgoings. Why? Because hes paying the loaded BM £200 a month!! Even tho CSA hav calculated should be £18 a week!
So anyway I move 50 miles away from friends and family to be with him. I now live in quite an expensive area so he can be close to his kids. We are looking at moving 2 years on as the current home has no central heating and I cant take it anymore!
But heres the problem...
We have his kids 48% of the time but receive no support financially as the BM gets all the benefits plus money from us. To get a house big enough for his kids its going to cost us at least £250 more amonth.
So basically i live in a cold mouldy house because i singlehandedly can not afford to run a home for him and his kids.
The best bit is.... I am 31 and really want my own baby. Oh but he had a vasectomy after his second one. So i also need to find £5k for his reversal too.
Why am I here!!!!!!
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Comments
He needs to pay whwat the CS
He needs to pay whwat the CS order is. He needs to have the visitation schedule on the books as having the kids 48% of the time.
& he needs a job that can support his children & himself.
If he wont' do these things, you need to leave IMMEDIATELY. Because even if you get the 5k for a reversal, you CAN'T afford your own children while supporting his. If you live in a cold moldy house now, imagine what you'll be able to afford with another mouth to feed.
Queen said it all. He is the
Queen said it all. He is the only one who should be responsible for CS and if he can't do that and pay 50% of bills he needs a 2nd job. If he isn't willing to pull his own weight now, it will only get worse with time.
Also, him having a vasectomy and you wanting children of your own is a big deal. HE needs to be the one to pay for this reversal- and he needs a deadline.
Maybe it's just me, but
Maybe it's just me, but someone ordered roughly US $25 a week for two kids vs that guy is actually paying roughly US $271 a month is still peanuts. It's like saying a NCP here is going to be made or sunk on the basis of $170 a month. Whether he lowered the CS to the ordered amount or not finances in this relationship is going to be pretty much dumped on your feet. Obviously even the extra $170 isn't going to cover the cost of the larger residence. It also would still leave you being the one to completely support a new child all on your own as you appear to have chosen a guy with a low paying job. You've also chosen a man who you knew going in had had a vasectomy and the cost of a reversal being what it is.
What you need to decide is if this is indeed the man who can be the husband and live the life with that you actually desire. You're 31 and certainly don't have to settle for what you have. Have you already married your partner? I think you have some serious soul searching to do and to decide if perhaps settling wasn't in your best interest or what truly will make you happy.
I don't know, I mean $170
I don't know, I mean $170 would cover my electric and water bill... Just saying. If he isn't paying his share now $170 is something more he should be contributing to the house where the kids are almost 1/2 the time anyway.