Will Super Moms EVER Take Financial Responsibility for their own choice to give birth?
I read an article the other day that asked, "why are step-moms bitter about child support"? To which I responded, why are YOU bitter about not getting a check from someone else? Then, those that DO get a check, complain that enough time is not spent. After a man's disposable income has been pillaged, what is left to support the child when he/she is with HIM? Why is HE not given financial support by way of automatic pay deduction and the threat of jail when payments are missed?
This child support system screws up families and causes us to naively place ALL the blame on a man. We don't call women that drop of their babies at the hospital, put them up for adoption, or have an abortion DEADBEAT MOMS! When a man loses his Drivers License, he practically LOSES the ability to work and PROVIDE for EACH child, not just the child that you think is so special because your relationship didn't work out. Most research shows that most of the men that don't pay child support CANT AFFORD IT.
Then I did further research and found that Step-parents can owe child support if they provide for the child for one year, and the relationship doesn't work out. This is RIDICULOUS. The next time you go crying about what you lack because your EX doesn't give it, think about how much more you would have if YOU made good career choices.
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LOL...I used to get really
LOL...I used to get really mad about the CS, but not because he had to pay it, but because AFTER he paid it, the BM would insist that DH provide EVERYTHING the kids needed! so I was like "Wait a minute, so you pay CS, and on TOP OF THAT you're buying clothes, sneakers, coats, bookbags, school supplies, uniforms, toys, computers, and everything else under the rainbow?"
Hmmmm.... I don't think so buddy.
Eventually, I made DH cut off her money train. Now she gets her support and if it's not enough, too bad.
What defines step-parents
What defines step-parents owing CS if they provide for the child for one year? I would be interested to read that because I will be damned if I'm giving BM a dime!
I did a google search and it
I did a google search and it was called something like loco parentis (which sounded like crazy parenting to me). But yeah, it was saying if you provide financial support, like allow the kid to live in your home, and the Bio is not working, you're on the hook. I know... Trying to find a way to FIGHT this beast.
I know what you mean.
I know what you mean. Unfortunately, my situation entails falling in love with an ex-felon (which is more common than we would like to discuss), but nevertheless a Great Man. He was IMPUTED a $450 child support payment for one child on no job. Of course it snowballs from there. However, just as housewives rave about how important they are to the family, I honestly feel the same about my husband. And thankfully I've been able to go to graduate school and do things I probably couldn't without his help. He does contract work but its not enough to contribute to a household and make that large payment as well. After being completely shut out, we've been able to reconnect. The kid is ALWAYS with her grandparents. So we were thinking that custody would be the option and it would help him to get back to work without the constant threat of jail
Well then DH had better
Well then DH had better always have a job in my house. LOL I will look it up. Thanks!
Its crazy, the man gets the
Its crazy, the man gets the credit for being lazy, abusive, negligent, etc. But when the mother or BM has similar challenges, the govt. writes her a check and sues the man for reimbursement
"It's mind boggling isn't it?
"It's mind boggling isn't it? This phenomenon that most BMs believe they are not as financially responsible for the kids as their ex husbands are."
Not trying to get all controversial here, but at least in the case of my husband's ex, religion was to blame for this mentality.
Totally. She uses the
Totally. She uses the "biblical" reasons in her pathetic attempts to strengthen her arguments. I know her original motivations were vindictiveness since he was the one who left her. Then that gave way to greed and laziness and a complete inability to function like a normal person. DH coddled her WAY too much when they were married and now he's paying the price for it. That's what he gets for wanting the ego boost that a completely dependent woman gave him.
And thats pretty much what I
And thats pretty much what I was saying, if ALL parents provided financial support for their kids, there would be NO Welfare System. I wont allow my HUSBAND to be demonized because he also could use SUPPORT.
PRESENCE is far more valuable than PRESENTS
So true. I don't mind the
So true. I don't mind the idea of child support, but even CA agrees that they got it WRONG with their imputed income guidelines. Too unfair to men
The child support guidelines
The child support guidelines DO take into account both parents financially supporting their children. They add both parents' income together to get the total household income. Based on that amount, the guidelines direct what amount of support is needed to support however many children. The guidelines figure is divided by the parents income to give you the percentage each parent should be paying.
The appearance of non-payment is what confuses people. Its just the money that the person who has custody doesn't actually change hands. They are already paying with their household income.
I think both parents SHOULD be responsible for their children. I support the child support obligation. My only problem with the way it is set up is that it truly does benefit the mom no matter who has custody. There are a different set of rules for the collection of child support between men and women. They will suspend the driver's license or put the MAN in jail, but they do not do the same for their female counterparts guilty of nonpayment.
Just because SHE thinks he
Just because SHE thinks he should get a second job doesn't mean a thing. The law says he has to pay based on his income, his ONE income. If it isn't enough, SHE should get a second job. The state certainly isn't going to make him. If she's saying that, he needs to tell her to SHUT the F - UP... lol
sorry - double post
sorry - double post
BM has custody of the skids.
BM has custody of the skids. DH should compensate her in that she is providing most of the needs of the skids. I have no problem with that.
However I think it's shit that because he has a good job and has worked hard and makes double+ what she makes that he has to pay her MORE because she works LESS.
He wasn't making close to what he is now, when they were together or when they got divorce. So it's not like the skids were used to a certain lifestyle.
When they divorced DH went to collge, got his degree, worked up, has been promoted, etc. He has been rewarded with a good paying job for his hard work. BM has worked LESS since the divorce because since she is now a "single mother" she can collect all the handouts. And because she works less, DH has to pay her MORE.
He just got re-evlauted and because of a big salary increase, he was ordered to pay her A LOT more then what he had been paying. Total B.S.
This is what pisses me off about CS.
Why should HE provide MOST of
Why should HE provide MOST of the needs? What was women's rights all about? She is capable, just as I am with my two.
Its what pisses me off too.
"When a man loses his Drivers
"When a man loses his Drivers License, he practically LOSES the ability to work and PROVIDE for EACH child, not just the child that you think is so special because your relationship didn't work out"
The first question that pops into my mind is, "Why did he lose his driver's license?" Was he doing something criminal? If so, well, didn't he kind of sink his own ship?
I didn't mind DH paying support- I did mind BM using all of it on herself and none on the kids.
I'm torn on this. Yes, in an ideal world both parents could work and would be willing to do so, but some people can't work and some choose not to. I like the formula where CS is figured out with both Dad's wages and the wages mom could earn if she worked.
The license is loss due to
The license is loss due to CS. Their remedy for getting money is fallible. And the other thing is, he was a criminal when this lady was with him. He was absolutely renewed, just as the Apostle Paul was renewed of his criminality, when I met him.
The point is, she STILL made a decision to be with him. Its crazy to say, I'm going to have a baby with you, although you seem irresponsible and then say, OH MY GOD, take away his freedom and liberty, I think he's irresponsible!
I was finally able to convince this simpleton to lets us spend time with SD because he is a remarkable and loving dad. Of course, now she may be living with us.
I take it you're Christians?
I take it you're Christians? My faith has saved me more than once...Maybe he could find some activities with church to get involved in, and really pray about this. I will keep him in my prayers.
Perhaps he'd also consider finding a fathers rights group in your area, or starting one.
Thank you. We are absolutely
Thank you. We are absolutely Christians. We've just joined a church and are getting more involved there. I appreciate your prayers. I want us ALL to be okay, including my SD.
That's great! Good on DH for
That's great! Good on DH for turning his life around.
I only hated that DH had to
I only hated that DH had to pay CS because like most are saying here, it was never enough according to BM. Never mind that she made way more money than he did, never mind that she got herself into a financial hole by refinancing her house to the hilt and tripling her mortgage payment from what it was when she and my DH split, never mind that she had blew her money on time shares and expensive vacations and pyramid schemes. She thought DH should be paying half her mortgage because that's where the kids lived. She was resentful of working in a field she hated but said she "had to" because she had to be responsible and take care of the kids. She didn't have to, she was just a martyr and someone that didn't know how to live within her means. DH and I learned to downsize and cut expenses when he decided to get into a completely different industry. He still paid his full CS but sometimes wouldn't provide (non-court ordered) extras. And she would get pissed saying she didn't have the luxury of doing that. She did, she just didn't know how to say no SD, you can't do cheer leading to the tune of $3,000/year, sorry capable and able-bodied SS, I'm not giving you a free car, sorry SD, a $40,000/year university is not in my budget. She said yes to all of those things, BY CHOICE, and then bitched and moaned that she couldn't afford them and she had to beg, borrow and steal to pay for them. All of that is what made me resentful. She got a very nice sized check, EVERY MONTH like clock work and still bitched. I had friends that never got a dime in CS from their kids' dads and were less resentful than she was. I wish she could have talked to some women in that position because she had NO IDEA how good she had it.
Here's a list of fathers
Here's a list of fathers rights groups. He should call some and if they don't have any branches in your area, perhaps he could ask them for the names of other fathers rights groups in your area.
http://singleparents.about.co
http://singleparents.about.com/od/legalissues/tp/fathers_rights_organiza...
I am very bitter about child
I am very bitter about child support, simply because BM refuses to pay it (especially since it's based on an old schedule and is only $88 a month). The only time DH gets it is when she files for her taxes. Once we told her we were claiming both of the kids due to taking care of them ALL OF THE TIME, her refund is miniscule. And now that she has literally destroyed her relationship with the kids, they refuse to go anywhere with her and have been with us full time for almost two years and she refuses to voluntarily send a dime. The only reason we haven't taken her back to her court is because we know that if we did, she would move back and force herself on the kids so she wouldn't have to pay and make our lives and her kids' lives a living hell. So I am very bitter about child support.
This made me think of this
This made me think of this expression: "If you lend a friend $20, and then never see that friend ever again, think of your lost $20 as a good investment."
nope. plain and simple, they
nope. plain and simple, they will not.
dumbass is now refusing to sign the final court decree. she even told oss "i'm not signing shit i'm not paying a dime for child support!!!"
*sigh* EFFING GET (AND KEEP) A JOB YOU STUPID WHORE AND IT WOULDNT BE SO DAMN DIFFICULT!!!